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Driving, consultant told husband to stop but he denies this

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Kapow

Registered User
Nov 17, 2019
64
0
The consultant said that she would be informing the DVLA immediately and that my partner could appeal but would be unlikely to win. I was just not expecting it. My partner doesn't even remember even going to the Memory Clinic and is completely unaware he has dementia. He does not understand how he can be banned from driving when he hasn't done anything wrong.
This must be very hard for you.My husband was the same,looks at me as if I have two heads when I tell him we have been to see his friend,the consultant.The consultant did ask me if I felt safe being driven by my husband,and at the time of asking i said yes,but the meeting we had much later,I had changed my mind.I sent my husband's driving licence back to the DVLA,and when we next went to the consultant he asked me again about feeling safe.I told him I didn't feel safe anymore and had sent my husbnd's licence back...he thanked me.He said he was going to write a report to the DVLA informing them of the illness.Anyhow...back home,suddenly my husband asks why he can no longer drive(he has dementia with Alzheimer's,plus blind in one eye)so I explained that I couldn't in all honesty allow him to drive,due to his condition..he hit the roof.I stuck to my guns..my husband is like yours,denies there is anything wrong,but we know this is part and parcel of the condition.I do believe after a while that your husband will accept this.I too cried a lot at first but I would cry a lot more if I was in the car and god forbid,we had an accident.Be strong,you are doing the right thing.Big hugs sent..x
 

yosser

Registered User
Nov 12, 2020
111
0
Having read all the above and feel for you people. I have Vascular Dementia and also suffer with seizures too. I would need to go a complete year with out having one, to able to apply for my licence . But this does depend on my neurologist & the DVLA.
 

foxlor

New member
Jan 20, 2021
3
0
My partner, aged 74, received his diagnosis this week and the consultant told him he could not drive, with immediate effect. The diagnosis was not a shock to me but the driving ban was I had not expected it so soon. Actually, there is nothing currently wrong with his driving, but that's not the problem here. He has never acknowledged that he has memory problems, and had to be got to the doctor's under pretext of getting his medication for other pre-existing conditions checked. He denies that he has any problems and argued with the consultant that there is nothing wrong with him and she doesn't know her job.
He has completely forgotten that he has had a diagnosis and that he was told not to drive. The thing is, he was quite happy to let me drive before, but now I have to keep telling him that he can't drive, he gets angry and there is a massive row. The issue crops up at least once a day, when he wants to drive me to the shops or visit relatives etc. Our relationship has always been a calm and placid one until now. He's just oblivious to the driving ban and I have no idea how to tackle this. He just says the doctor said no such thing and he will sort her out. Relatives have advised hiding the car keys etc, but he's not stupid, and sooner or later I would have to find them to use the car as we live in a rural area. I have considered actually selling the car, but he really loves it, and selling it would break his heart. I love it too as I treated myself to it with my redundancy pay-off from my last job. I am content to accept the doctor's view on his driving, though I think it's premature, but how on earth do I make this work? Normally I am a strong person but the rows are getting me down and I am in tears all the time. The stress is causing me to have migraines which I haven't had for 20 years. Since lockdown, we have spent the whole day, every day in this house together and I have been unable to go anywhere on my own. Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with the driving issue?
I really feel for you. My husband who has Frontal Lobe Dementia has also been told not to drive by the DVLA after first having a doctors assessment but like your husband he doesn’t acknowledge his condition or accept the DVLA’s decision & ‘just wants to get his licence back’ and keeps talking about getting another car. I haven’t shown him the letter from the DVLA, I just try to change the subject. He’s never taken the car keys & attempted to drive. (He hasn’t driven for a year). I think he probably could drive, but wouldn’t have the cognitive ability to make decisions. I think in your case I would get someone professional to tell him & explain the situation as he might not listen to you or close family.
 

Pots and Pans

Registered User
Jan 13, 2020
63
0
Consultant told my OH not to drive ' at the moment' about 5 months ago when we last saw him, and wasn't a problem as he had mobility issues at the time due to a hip fracture, hadn't driven for months anyway, but he was furious all the same. Now says he can drive again and I disagree and yes, regular rows, but I have got him to accept the idea of a 'refresher' driving lesson with a driving school so that when we next see consultant (God knows when) he can tell him how he found it no problem and instructor thinks he is safe do consultant can ok him to DVLC who we haven't yet contacted. Obviously I think he will get a different opinion, but it won't be ME saying he shouldn't drive. And if instructor says he is unsafe then he has agreed to accept it. Can't happen yet due to Covid but delay is good
 

taylor01207

New member
May 9, 2021
5
0
My partner, aged 74, received his diagnosis this week and the consultant told him he could not drive, with immediate effect. The diagnosis was not a shock to me but the driving ban was I had not expected it so soon. Actually, there is nothing currently wrong with his driving, but that's not the problem here. He has never acknowledged that he has memory problems, and had to be got to the doctor's under pretext of getting his medication for other pre-existing conditions checked. He denies that he has any problems and argued with the consultant that there is nothing wrong with him and she doesn't know her job.
He has completely forgotten that he has had a diagnosis and that he was told not to drive. The thing is, he was quite happy to let me drive before, but now I have to keep telling him that he can't drive, he gets angry and there is a massive row. The issue crops up at least once a day, when he wants to drive me to the shops or visit relatives etc. Our relationship has always been a calm and placid one until now. He's just oblivious to the driving ban and I have no idea how to tackle this. He just says the doctor said no such thing and he will sort her out. Relatives have advised hiding the car keys etc, but he's not stupid, and sooner or later I would have to find them to use the car as we live in a rural area. I have considered actually selling the car, but he really loves it, and selling it would break his heart. I love it too as I treated myself to it with my redundancy pay-off from my last job. I am content to accept the doctor's view on his driving, though I think it's premature, but how on earth do I make this work? Normally I am a strong person but the rows are getting me down and I am in tears all the time. The stress is causing me to have migraines which I haven't had for 20 years. Since lockdown, we have spent the whole day, every day in this house together and I have been unable to go anywhere on my own. Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with the driving issue?
my partner wasthe same, he didnt think anything was wrong but he always asked 'which way ' when we went out and often got lost. his consultant sent him for driving assessment and they told him he had failed and would have to relinquish his license. e did accept this because they told him he would be breaking the law. hope this helps.
 

Countryboy

Registered User
Mar 17, 2005
1,618
0
South West
Hi Going to GP is fine but just remember its your life and providing your not breaking the law think for yourself as well
 

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Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
73,420
0
Kent
I do feel if the doctor has told someone not to drive, they ask for a second opinion if there is any objection.

I understand driving is one of the biggest forms of independence but dementia is one of the most unpredictable of illnesses.

We have seen on the forum people with dementia who have had such a slow progression it is hardly noticeable while others have gone downhill really quickly.

As has been said in a previous post, insurance may be invalidated if someone drives against medical advice.

My husband was really safe while he was driving but his spatial awareness was affected and he had too many accidents crashing wing mirrors.

The fact I can`t drive turned out to be a stroke of luck. We `loaned` the car to our daughter in law while my husband wasn`t too well and we never took it back.

Those whose partners drive might find it harder to accept.
 

RosettaT

Registered User
Sep 9, 2018
570
0
Mid Lincs
This is one of my pet subjects too because the DVLA withdrew my OH license instantly despite telling them he had been diagnosed with mild Alzheimer's. The consultant wasn't happy when we told her and backed his request for an assessment which he passed with flying colours and gained his license back. There seems to be no standard for deciding who or when the DVLA should withdraw a license.
On the subject of insurance, don't be afraid of telling the insurance company, they weren't interested as long OH had told the DVLA and had a valid license, however like most I expect they would have declined to pay out if they hadn't been told.
 

Countryboy

Registered User
Mar 17, 2005
1,618
0
South West
Hi RosettaT well its great to read your reply :) because like you Driving is definitely my pet subject on T.P. ;) I actually joined T.P in March 2005 just to answer a driving question to give positive adviseo_O

and I’m still reading the same negative doom and gloom on dementia and driving :rolleyes: ok I’m not stupid I realize not everyone with dementia is the same I agree we need safety on the roads so I believe there should be a compulsory test for all drivers when the reach 70 years old :oops::oops: but it annoys me when a person with dementia is assumed incapable. :mad:
if people tells there GP they have a memory problem and can’t concentrate at work :confused: or need care support at home. :( etc then obviously the GP would say don’t drive and I agree totally if your not capable to continue working you shouldn’t be driving. not rocket sicence

RosettaT agree100% on insurance it's not a problem
 

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MartinWL

Registered User
Jun 12, 2020
756
0
I have had to deal with similar issues with my father who lives alone in a rural area. It is one of the most difficult things and K can imagine doubly difficult if a partner needs to keep a car at the property. I tried getting the GP to explain it in person, which he did, but not very forcefully. The trouble is that explaining does not work if it is forgotten quickly.
@Countryboy is an exceptional man, for every PWD who is safe to drive there are hundreds who are a danger to themselves and others. Driving has to be stopped before, not when, dangerous mishaps happen. Blaming the DVLA is probably the only tactic to avoid argument, but unfortunately there is no way to solve the resentment at not being able to drive.
 

RosettaT

Registered User
Sep 9, 2018
570
0
Mid Lincs
Personally I believe the DVLA should suspend a license if they feel the medical need dictates as such, then arrange for an assessment within the month.

It took my OH 8 months to get his license back and he had to fill in the same paperwork 3 times. Without a word of a lie he was told by the driving assessor and the medical assessor that he had done the best assessment they had seen in the 20yrs. He went on to drive for another12 months before he was hospitalised with an infection and lost his mobility.
 

Countryboy

Registered User
Mar 17, 2005
1,618
0
South West
I’m all for getting bad drivers off the road irrespective of any medical condition and personally I think it should be compulsory everyone to take a re-test every 20 years o_O and definitely at the age of 70 years of age

I keep on top of my driving it’s not difficult you can down load Driving Theory and Hazard Perception software so no excuse you can sse mine not bad results for a guy with having Dementia for 22 years :cool: all above 80% so all passes :p:D
 

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Dutchman

Registered User
May 26, 2017
1,197
0
73
Devon, Totnes
My partner, aged 74, received his diagnosis this week and the consultant told him he could not drive, with immediate effect. The diagnosis was not a shock to me but the driving ban was I had not expected it so soon. Actually, there is nothing currently wrong with his driving, but that's not the problem here. He has never acknowledged that he has memory problems, and had to be got to the doctor's under pretext of getting his medication for other pre-existing conditions checked. He denies that he has any problems and argued with the consultant that there is nothing wrong with him and she doesn't know her job.
He has completely forgotten that he has had a diagnosis and that he was told not to drive. The thing is, he was quite happy to let me drive before, but now I have to keep telling him that he can't drive, he gets angry and there is a massive row. The issue crops up at least once a day, when he wants to drive me to the shops or visit relatives etc. Our relationship has always been a calm and placid one until now. He's just oblivious to the driving ban and I have no idea how to tackle this. He just says the doctor said no such thing and he will sort her out. Relatives have advised hiding the car keys etc, but he's not stupid, and sooner or later I would have to find them to use the car as we live in a rural area. I have considered actually selling the car, but he really loves it, and selling it would break his heart. I love it too as I treated myself to it with my redundancy pay-off from my last job. I am content to accept the doctor's view on his driving, though I think it's premature, but how on earth do I make this work? Normally I am a strong person but the rows are getting me down and I am in tears all the time. The stress is causing me to have migraines which I haven't had for 20 years. Since lockdown, we have spent the whole day, every day in this house together and I have been unable to go anywhere on my own. Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with the driving issue?
I have experience of this and will reply soon
Best wishes peter
 

Countryboy

Registered User
Mar 17, 2005
1,618
0
South West
I think the Driving / Dementia is a big joke sometimes,
a couple of years ago a woman in the memory clinic waiting area told me her husband aged 60 had to stop driving because he had dementia, :eek: I asked why she said his memory he forgot how to do things it was terrible he couldn’t remember the way home I said that not good so what does he do to pass away his time she said well plays Snooker , and he Golf he’s very good at golf goes all mover the Country play at different clubs including. abroad , I smiled and said wish him the best of luck for future but actually I was thinking he can’t drive :rolleyes: but can play snooker and golf so I looked up how easy these games were I obviously wouldn’t have skill or ability to play either myself. ( but I can Drive ):):)

One of the key skills needed to play really good snooker is cue ball control. In a game of snooker you can't just concentrate on potting a ball and hope that the cue ball will stop in a perfect place for your next shot. You have to plan ahead and learn to read the game.

THE 7 MOST IMPORTANT MENTAL SKILLS FOR GOLF

October 4, 2020.
David MacKenzie. Mental Game Tips

Mental skills for golf can be worked on with every round you play.

20 years ago, it was generally considered that the mental game of golf was something that you were born with, or not. But thanks to scientific research and growth of the field of sport psychology, we know that it’s something that can be trained and learned to improve a player’s performance.

One of the reasons that mental skills for golf are often overlooked is because they are invisible. A swing or equipment change can have visible effects immediately. Although mental skills for golf are less measurable and more intangible, they are essential if you are to access your best skills during your rounds and tournaments.

In this week’s lesson, I’d like to 1) identify the mental skills for golf necessary to play your best, 2) show you how to assess and measure your skill level and 3) how to improve your mental skills so you improve your scores and performance. Just like you do the technical reps each week to work on your swing, you’ll need to do mental reps to work on your mind.

1. THE ABILITY TO FOCUS AND CONCENTRATE​

2. AWARENESS AND BEING PRESENT​

3. BEING ABLE TO STAY CALM​

4. CONFIDENCE​

5. ATTITUDE/MOOD/OPTIMISTISM​

6. MENTAL IMAGERY​

7. GOAL SETTING​

 

Dutchman

Registered User
May 26, 2017
1,197
0
73
Devon, Totnes
I have experience of this and will reply soon
Best wishes peter
Hi there. My wife was driving for a little while after getting her official diagnosis of dementia. Actually I did most of the driving anyway but she felt it was just another thing denied her. The DVLA restricted it to one year for review. Then I got the long awaited letter saying no more driving. It was horrible because she knew that dementia and her diminished ability was for real.

But there is no way at all that you can let anyone drive once the DVLA SAYS NO. It’s against the law and uninsurable. Any accidents will be punished. Please don’t go out in that car. You could kill someone or at the very least cause a life changing accident. There is no half way position.

peter
 

Countryboy

Registered User
Mar 17, 2005
1,618
0
South West
Hi let me start by agreeing that if you have a diagnoses of Dementia the Law says you must notify the DVLA I also agree if a person is physically or mentally incapable they shouldn’t Drive.

Now don’t get disappointed because where a Negative there’s always a Positive just remember the DVLA is a very large organisation and your information will probably go to some young office worker how will have various policies & procedures on how to proceed with your Driving application when it says Dementia probably a 12 month licence or maybe revoked but If you disagree with the decision of your doctor or DVLA then you can challenge their decision. You can find more information on how to do this in the section above. ( Just Remember it’s the way you want to live life at stake ). don't just give in to Bureauctats who think they have the right to decide

Below are some ways you can try and fix these issues.

Appeal a DVLA decision in court

If you disagree with a decision made by the DVLA to withhold or revoke your driving licence you can lodge an appeal against the decision in court.

You must contact your local Magistrates court within 6 months or your local Sheriffs court within 21 days.

If you decide to lodge an appeal in court you are required to notify the DVLA in writing that you are appealing. You can notify them by sending a letter to the following address:

Driver and Vehicle Licensing Agency
Drivers Medical Group
Swansea
SA99 1DF
 

CottTim

New member
May 10, 2021
1
0
My Mother-in-Law had a stroke in 2017, and, as part of the tests relating to this was diagnosed as Early onset Alzheimer's. She couldn't drive afterwards for 6 months or so, but an Occupational Therapist said he would refer her to the Regional Driving Assessment Centre. They are dotted around the country, if you do a Google search you can find a map of where their centres are located and we were fortunate enough to live very close to one. The cost for a self referral is £99 but this is reduced if a professional makes the referral. I was allowed to accompany M.I.L. and the test was carried out by an O.T. and a driving instructor. They say "This is not a driving test. This is an assessment to look at your ability to keep you, your passengers and other road users safe." It realistically gave the sort of challenges that a driver would meet on a day to day basis. M.I.L.'s view was that she could easily get into her car and drive to her old hometown 90 miles away to see her friends there. The assessors agreed, but countered that, if her normal route was closed, or there was a diversion she would find it very difficult. A driving Licence means that (subject to insurance) you can drive anywhere, any time. She couldn't. The cars are fitted with dual controls. Had they not been, I would not be typing this now, as we would have been wiped out by a tipper lorry approaching at 30 m.p.h. which she had not seen and was pulling out in front of.
Of course she still (4 years later) is convinced she can drive, and blames us for stopping her doing so, and there is no point in showing her the comprehensive report that they had prepared. At that point (4 years ago) with a competent co-pilot (my wife) she could still manage, but my wife has a congenital vision defect, and also stopped driving (her choice) two years ago.
 

Margaret Cymru

New member
May 11, 2021
6
0
My partner, aged 74, received his diagnosis this week and the consultant told him he could not drive, with immediate effect. The diagnosis was not a shock to me but the driving ban was I had not expected it so soon. Actually, there is nothing currently wrong with his driving, but that's not the problem here. He has never acknowledged that he has memory problems, and had to be got to the doctor's under pretext of getting his medication for other pre-existing conditions checked. He denies that he has any problems and argued with the consultant that there is nothing wrong with him and she doesn't know her job.
He has completely forgotten that he has had a diagnosis and that he was told not to drive. The thing is, he was quite happy to let me drive before, but now I have to keep telling him that he can't drive, he gets angry and there is a massive row. The issue crops up at least once a day, when he wants to drive me to the shops or visit relatives etc. Our relationship has always been a calm and placid one until now. He's just oblivious to the driving ban and I have no idea how to tackle this. He just says the doctor said no such thing and he will sort her out. Relatives have advised hiding the car keys etc, but he's not stupid, and sooner or later I would have to find them to use the car as we live in a rural area. I have considered actually selling the car, but he really loves it, and selling it would break his heart. I love it too as I treated myself to it with my redundancy pay-off from my last job. I am content to accept the doctor's view on his driving, though I think it's premature, but how on earth do I make this work? Normally I am a strong person but the rows are getting me down and I am in tears all the time. The stress is causing me to have migraines which I haven't had for 20 years. Since lockdown, we have spent the whole day, every day in this house together and I have been unable to go anywhere on my own. Does anyone have any advice on how to deal with the driving issue?
I usually do the driving anyway because I saw the signs some years ago and started refusing to get into the car if he was driving. He told everyone I was a nervous passenger which was true of course. Now he has full blown vascular dementia and in his mind he is much younger. He talks about "taking the car" so I have taken the battery out of the key fob which at least will set the alarm off and alert me. I haven't had to put it to the test yet. Good luck.
 
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