Driving concerns!

[JBK]

Yorkie. I would certainly speak to your GP about your concerns, as it sounds like an accident waiting to happen!
Good luck

 

[Laura40]

Hi Yorkie,
Just read the thread and thinking what a tough place you are in at the moment.
I don't know how I'd cope if my OH was rude and grumpy with me.
I'm not sure what's going on with him in relation to a diagnosis either. We saw a neurologist that told us he had Early onset dementia in November last year but that he could still drive and that we would be getting an appointment for the memory clinic through the post. Then we heard nothing until I decided to take us both to the gps in early March to find out about the memory clinic app that hadn't arrived. In the mean time my OH drove into another car in a car park became very shaky as the other car owner shouted at him. He handed his car keys over to me the following day and hasnt driven since. We've since got rid of one car so only me with mine now.
The diagnosis at the gps still not confirmed but we do have a nurse from the memory clinic arriving this week for a home visit. I have no idea what that means or how far along with the diagnosis we are. The nurse is only doing a home visit because he failed to answer any of the calls she made asking him to the clinic, ( what a surprise!) if he had answered those calls I wouldn't have had a clue about the appointment I only knew as I saw the letter and fortunately it also means I can be around.
I'm very lucky my OH is never grumpy with me, the absolute opposite it may seem bizarre but he just grins all the time. We went out for a walk in the park today for an hour whilst our 14 year old spent an hour in the skate park. I need the exercise... but a brisk walk just doesn't happen as he just shuffles along at a snails pace, smiling all the while. I said to him at one point 'life is good isn't it' because he was so happy just enjoying walking in the park, the little things. For me I think things are a little easier as I can be really transparent and open, we discuss everything that is happening but I am accepting that he isn't aware of how different things are. This does cause little white lies. I went to a carers group last week for the first time but told him I was just visiting a friend I think he would be upset to hear I consider myself a carer or else not understand the need.
I think you have to do the same, feel free to speak to your neighbours about your concerns it will give you a little bit of reassurance that if you are not there help and understanding is there if he does anything a little unusual and don't feel guilty about spending time with your grandson somewhere else as in reality his presence seems to be a struggle for your husband. I know I am finding it really difficult at the moment to have time alone with my youngest son as my husband really doesn't like me leaving him during the weekends and holidays but I am insisting at the moment because I know we are at an early stage with the dementia and I can't waste this precious time with my son either he is growing up so quickly, the same as your grandson.

 

[chicas]

Thanks, yes I realised that but I still think it's an imposition. I have however put the suggestion to a very good friend who knows and understands the difficulties I have and the importance of confidentiality. She can only say no! I will still speak to the GP about it.
will post any developments.

Yorkie I can understand your concerns about reporting your \OH, but I see Tony has replied also and I do urge you to take note of his reply.
You can contact the DVLA via their website and report your OH in total confidence about your worries. They will never reveal who has made the report but will certainly act upon it.
I believe they then write to your OH and request GP and consultant contacts,and after information from these probably ask for a driving assessment for your OH - I think there is a cost involved.
I so rarely comment on threads (though read many), but this is so important just had to post regarding this.
I have been forced (for my own conscience) to contact the DVLA about similar issues. Much guilt in doing so but at the same time I absolutely knew it was the right thing to do, even with the upsetting consequence that the person involved had their licence wihdrawn.
Wishing you strength and best wishes. x

 

[imsoblue]

In my OHs case he has lost his spacial awareness and judgement and this shows that PWD are different but the same if you know what I mean. He came home from town today but couldn’t remember the way to get home from a different place than usual but can if it’s the usual way. So he took a taxi, sensible so all is not lost! His mathematical skills are still very good because he can remember codes for locks and other numbers without any trouble.

I believe my husband's problem with driving began with the spatial awareness. Whoever rode with him in the front seat (not just me) would always say, "You're getting too close to the side." He did have a minor accident that wasn't his fault, but his car locked (while still running) and even with an extra set, he couldn't open the door to move it. So he left it running, with cell phone inside and went off to a meeting, getting a ride with the lady who hit him...in the middle of the alley. He then called me to take care of it. But, here's a few things that I heard that don't make me feel guilty about taking and hiding his keys (and being verbally and emotionally abused because of it). My son said, "Mom, you know those news stories of "man missing," that could be him. In fact a co-workers mom drove off and they found her car parked on the interstate, but no sign of her. She had run out of gas. Luckily they found her about 20 miles away in an empty house! So, we must recognize they are sick and we don't know what they are "thinking." Also, where I live, if he causes an accident and there was a diagnosis, he can be sued for everything. And, I read a carer can be sued for "allowing" it.

 

[Grahamstown]

I believe my husband's problem with driving began with the spatial awareness. Whoever rode with him in the front seat (not just me) would always say, "You're getting too close to the side." He did have a minor accident that wasn't his fault, but his car locked (while still running) and even with an extra set, he couldn't open the door to move it. So he left it running, with cell phone inside and went off to a meeting, getting a ride with the lady who hit him...in the middle of the alley. He then called me to take care of it. But, here's a few things that I heard that don't make me feel guilty about taking and hiding his keys (and being verbally and emotionally abused because of it). My son said, "Mom, you know those news stories of "man missing," that could be him. In fact a co-workers mom drove off and they found her car parked on the interstate, but no sign of her. She had run out of gas. Luckily they found her about 20 miles away in an empty house! So, we must recognize they are sick and we don't know what they are "thinking." Also, where I live, if he causes an accident and there was a diagnosis, he can be sued for everything. And, I read a carer can be sued for "allowing" it.

We had a few wing mirrors and I was always leaning out of the way passing parked cars. A few red lights were jumped, and I started to wonder if he would stop behind another car. So relieved that he is no longer driving although he feels sad about it sometimes around town but he doesn’t want to drive longer distances when he doesn’t know where we are going. He gets confused.

 

[imsoblue]

We had a few wing mirrors and I was always leaning out of the way passing parked cars. A few red lights were jumped, and I started to wonder if he would stop behind another car. So relieved that he is no longer driving although he feels sad about it sometimes around town but he doesn’t want to drive longer distances when he doesn’t know where we are going. He gets confused.

Looking back, I should I have taken the keys long ago. He couldn't merge into lanes so we went way far out of our way more than once. Another time I commented that he was going way too slow for the road we were on. Angered him so then he went WAY too fast. I too told my children that he would no longer be driving the grandchildren. However, I like the point about other people's grandchildren being in danger with his driving. Good comment!
He also has trouble putting plates, glasses, etc. completely on a surface. The object is always hanging off the edge. Not sure what is the cause of that.

 

[yorkie46]

Well, I'm sure Tony will be pleased to hear this, my friend doesn't feel able to contact DVLA. Not because she doesn't want to help, more because she feels of they ask why she thinks he shouldn't be driving it could be difficult. She suggested my daughter could contact them but I fear that is also too much to ask.
I mentioned it to the GP but I think I've put him in a difficult position. He indicated that if he was aware of the problem he would feel he should do something with the information but suggested I see what my friend said first. The doctor understands the difficulty in broaching the subject directly with my husband because he has tried to as he puts it 'challenge him' on other issues but my husband gives no ground. He said that it could be difficult if my husband discovered that the information came from himhim, what could be give as the reason.
To be honest everything points to me having to put up or shut up. I honestly can't make a decision what to do. I know it's not going to go away but it's honestly the hardest decision I've faced so far.

 

[Countryboy]

Well, I'm sure Tony will be pleased to hear this, my friend doesn't feel able to contact DVLA. Not because she doesn't want to help, more because she feels of they ask why she thinks he shouldn't be driving it could be difficult. She suggested my daughter could contact them but I fear that is also too much to ask.
I mentioned it to the GP but I think I've put him in a difficult position. He indicated that if he was aware of the problem he would feel he should do something with the information but suggested I see what my friend said first. The doctor understands the difficulty in broaching the subject directly with my husband because he has tried to as he puts it 'challenge him' on other issues but my husband gives no ground. He said that it could be difficult if my husband discovered that the information came from himhim, what could be give as the reason.
To be honest everything points to me having to put up or shut up. I honestly can't make a decision what to do. I know it's not going to go away but it's honestly the hardest decision I've faced so far.

Hi Yorkie46 well its very nice of you to bring me in to the debate and Yes I have my personal views on driving, but I did say previously that age was a major factor, I can also see your predicament you obviously have concerns and your having difficulty in coming to a decision, especially when It appears your friend, daughter and G.P there not supporting you.
Previously I said age is a factor and agreed all drivers who no longer have the confidence or ability should be off our roads, and your husband is no exception, ( I want safe roads especially when I’m out on my Motorbike ) however if I’m correct your Husband hasn’t been diagnosed with any Illness that the Law requires him to inform DVLA, therefor your only course of action is to report him to DVLA as a dangerous Driver, if the DVLA accepts your comments they will of course contact your Husband with several forms they will need his consent to contact his GP for a report they could ask him to take a driving assessment all of this could take 6 to 12 months could your husband cope with the tests if he is switched on enough he will plus that means disabling the Car wouldn’t work either.

Yourkie46 its not going to simple and I wish you the best of luck.

 

[Countryboy]

"You must tell the DVLA if you have cognitive problems." From the DVLA website.

Obviously your correct Normaleila “sorry but he doesn’t have a diagnoses yet” and if Yorkie46
reports him for as dangerous driver then DVLA’s only witness is Yorkie46 that's if her Husband decided to challenge any DVLA decision in Court it not just an easy decision for Yorjie46 to make.

I asked Yorkie46 the following question : When we read Threads related to a person with dementia Driving it would be an advantage if you disclosed the age of the person in question , personally that would be a great help for us to when replying or not

Yorkie46 replied
Hi Tony
My husband is 82 and I stress that although I believe he has dementia he doesn't actually have a diagnosis.
Does anyone know what will happen if I report him to dvla. I understand that this can be done confidentially.

sorry I'm only giving my view and stress again I don't want people driving who are not fit enough to drive

 

[yorkie46]

So I finally decided that as nobody else is going to do it I will have to contact DVLA. I've spoken to GP and memory clinic both said that's what I should do. I couldn't live with myself if anything happened that I could have prevented.
I phoned DVLA only to be told that I have to do it in writing either by letter or online. I decided online best as he doesn't use computer. The deed is done. Now just wait for the proverbial to hit the fan!
Today he received information about a study linked to people who have spent scan and have thinking difficulties. He doesn't want to do it, doesn't care about helping other people, doesn't want any more prying into his head, hopes he's not going to have to go back memory clinic again! I think the study will only actually involve me doing something so I might try to convince him.
Asked if he's like me to arrange to go to a new memory cafe in Monday, he'll go once but if he doesn't like it he won't bother again! Oh joy!!

 

[Countryboy]

Well Yourkie46 you bit the bullet this is the type of form your Husband will get now which also gives consent for DVLA to contact his GP as I said previously now the ball is rolling it won't be quick fix so could get a little bumpy anyway I have always given my personal view so I hope all goes well and turns out to be positive for all concerned
Please note the file won’t open on iPad must use computer

 

[yorkie46]

Hi Normaleila and Tony

Thanks for your encouragement. I'm sure I can pull off an Oscar winning performance when the time comes. I don't know if he'll be able to complete the form but I'm fairly sure he won't want to have any sort of driving assessment.
I'll update when I hear more.

 

[Grahamstown]

Hi Normaleila and Tony

Thanks for your encouragement. I'm sure I can pull off an Oscar winning performance when the time comes. I don't know if he'll be able to complete the form but I'm fairly sure he won't want to have any sort of driving assessment.
I'll update when I hear more.

Hi yorkie46 I am sorry that the DVLA was not more helpful because when I called the person I spoke to said that he would send the forms we needed, which arrived a couple of days later. The forms online are exactly the same. You were unlucky to get an uncooperative person. My husband was unable to complete the forms himself and so there was no alternative but to send the driving license back as instructed, which I did because he was not even up to doing that. He was not able to find the envelope, put the license in, address and stamp it and post it, too much for him. Good luck with getting this done.

 

[yorkie46]

I suspect my husband will be furious when it arrives. I think he'll need help to complete the form. He's received the appointment for spect scan this morning. He's not happy that he will have to lie flat on his back because he finds it uncomfortable. He says he's going to phone on Monday and if they say he will need to he's going to refuse to have it done. He says he doesn't see the point in all this at his age and he thinks the doctors are going too far. I have a feeling this will be the end of things because I don't think he'll be prepared to go back to the memory clinic. I wish he would just accept there is something wrong and be as concerned as I am about it.

 

[Countryboy]

I suspect my husband will be furious when it arrives. I think he'll need help to complete the form. He's received the appointment for spect scan this morning. He's not happy that he will have to lie flat on his back because he finds it uncomfortable. He says he's going to phone on Monday and if they say he will need to he's going to refuse to have it done. He says he doesn't see the point in all this at his age and he thinks the doctors are going too far. I have a feeling this will be the end of things because I don't think he'll be prepared to go back to the memory clinic. I wish he would just accept there is something wrong and be as concerned as I am about it.

Hi Yorkie46 ( me again ) reading your comments I feel your OH is not going to cope with first the Brain Scans obviously it 15 years since I had my first PET scan but back then although the head was strapped to restrict movement if you did move it needed to restart it maybe different probably moved on a bit with modern scanners ( they may not strap the head now).
if OH get thought that ok the next challenge maybe “Driving Assessment” they may decide to put him in ??
The Assessment Rig is a computerised system that assesses strength of limbs, range of movement and decision and reactions times. It is particularly helpful for clients who do not have a driving licence and/or are unable to have an “on-road” drive.
Yorkie46 personally I don’t think your OH will complete major challenge he face .
mainly because of his age he maybe wise to consider defeat gracefully, best of luck to both of you for a positive result .

Have attached my scan letters 2003 & 2004 obviously some bits are hidden

 

[canary]

People with dementia often have absolutely no understanding that there is something wrong. Everyone who voices concerns is either trying to trick them, take them over, or over-reacting . If you wait till he agrees that there is something wrong you will wait forever.
Is there some way that you could persuade him to have the scan done - maybe to prove to the doctors that they are wrong ? Best not to go on about it, though - if I do that to OH he will dig his heels in and then Ive had it.

 

[canary]

Just to mention that OH had a SPEC scan recently and they did not strap his head in

 

[yorkie46]

Thanks Tony
your letter looks very similar to my husband's, they do mention in his that they sometimes have to restricted movement. His biggest problem is that due to arthritis in his spine he finds lying on his back extremely uncomfortable. He had a CT scan this week which only took three minutes and he struggled with that! I'm pretty diverted spect scan won't happen. When he had an MRI some years ago he didn't let them complete it. Since then he has had to be sedated for an MRI on his back! He tolerated that because it was neces, as he doesn't see this as necessary there's not much hope.

 

[yorkie46]

Hi Canary
Believe me in saying no more about it. I've just told him that it's entirely up to him whether he has it done, I certainly can't force him. I'll wait to see if he phones about it on Monday, I think he will and he'll probably be quite rude to whoever has the pleasure of speaking to him. With most phone calls he asks me to do it but he hasn't asked me yet, there's still time! The other reason he should phone is that there is such a long waiting list for these scans I don't want him to take an appointment that someone else could have and then not go through with it when he gets there. I won't say that to him because he really doesn't care about anyone else!

 

[Countryboy]

Thanks Tony
your letter looks very similar to my husband's, they do mention in his that they sometimes have to restricted movement. His biggest problem is that due to arthritis in his spine he finds lying on his back extremely uncomfortable. He had a CT scan this week which only took three minutes and he struggled with that! I'm pretty diverted spect scan won't happen. When he had an MRI some years ago he didn't let them complete it. Since then he has had to be sedated for an MRI on his back! He tolerated that because it was neces, as he doesn't see this as necessary there's not much hope.

Hi Yorkie46 now the wheels are in motion all you can do is keep you head below the parapet and let the system do their stuff , reading your comments I think your OH driving days are over now , weather he agrees on not, it may be a while for all the information to get gathered and the decision made but Please keep us informed of the end result

In the meantime stay safe and hide the keys ( obviously I had to bite hard on my lip to say hide the keys )

Tony