Driving concerns!

[Countryboy]

Hi Tony
Yes you're right there seems to be a huge division of opinion and experience regarding this issue.
When my husband and I did the driving assessment it was nothing like what you describe, I have looked at your report. We had no memory or cognitive tests. The assessor came to our home and we went out with her in our vehicle. My husband went first which meant that the assessor had an opportunity to mention a few things to me about his driving. She asked us to follow a particular route for part of the drive then told us to return home on whichever route we chose. She told me that he had been inclined to argue with any suggestions she made about when he didn't do things quite correctly. He told me later that he was never doing that again, it was just like a driving test and the things she'd said were ridiculous! I found it a very relaxed session and accepted any points she made. Maybe it depends whether you actually have a diagnosis what assessment you have, my husband has no diagnosis it was just a recommendation made by the memory clinic. Yes we paid for it too.

Hi Yorkie46 obviously it sound like your husbands assessment was different, hope the report will help others in a similar situation ( maybe my assessment was more in-depth because the assessor knew I was taking the DLVA to Court) I understand the various concerns others have Yorkie46 I was reading similar views on T.P in 2005 nothing has changed but I’m still driving that all that matters to me but if I can help and advise a few like P.J I will unfortunately I can't help you much I afraid i think you will make the right decisions

 

[LesleyPort]

Hi @LesleyPort I’m so sorry to read that your dad had such a bad experience. I was fortunate as the centre I went to couldn’t have been more welcoming & reassuring. I did all of the things you mentioned above, including radio on (to try & distract me). I’m so sorry to hear your dad is now unable to drive. It must be very stressful.
I phoned the DVLA today to follow up on my investigation (as although I passed the assessment they did tell me they’d need to inform the DVLA of my cognitive issues). Whilst on the phone I asked if I should contact my insurance & they advised me to check with the memory clinic so I’m awaitung a call back today hopefully.

Hi, We were told that dad needed to notify the car Insurance company was he was diagnosed in November by the memory clinic.

 

[Batsue]

Hi Tony
Yes you're right there seems to be a huge division of opinion and experience regarding this issue.
When my husband and I did the driving assessment it was nothing like what you describe, I have looked at your report. We had no memory or cognitive tests. The assessor came to our home and we went out with her in our vehicle. My husband went first which meant that the assessor had an opportunity to mention a few things to me about his driving. She asked us to follow a particular route for part of the drive then told us to return home on whichever route we chose. She told me that he had been inclined to argue with any suggestions she made about when he didn't do things quite correctly. He told me later that he was never doing that again, it was just like a driving test and the things she'd said were ridiculous! I found it a very relaxed session and accepted any points she made. Maybe it depends whether you actually have a diagnosis what assessment you have, my husband has no diagnosis it was just a recommendation made by the memory clinic. Yes we paid for it too.

This sounds more like an assessment done by a driving instructor than a proper test, my husband often did driving assessments for people when he was a driving instructor but he could only give advice as to whether the should be driving. A full assessment would be done at a test centre.

 

[Grahamstown]

Sad day today as I picked up the paperwork for the license and asked him to read the surrender letter again. He said ‘does that mean I won’t be able to drive now’? He has forgotten the consultation last week when the doctor reconfirmed that he should no longer drive. He looked so distressed but went off to do something and I think it will go out of his mind.

 

[Countryboy]

This sounds more like an assessment done by a driving instructor than a proper test, my husband often did driving assessments for people when he was a driving instructor but he could only give advice as to whether the should be driving. A full assessment would be done at a test centre.

All I can tell you there are only two approved assessment centres in Cornwall they may and I went to one of them and I did a full driving assessment sorry this is all we have down here

A driving assessment is NOT a driving test. Cornwall Mobility aims to enable people to begin driving or continue driving.
A driving assessment is a method of assessing your ability to drive in safety and in comfort, and to determine whether any adaptations are required to enable you to do so.
Who will assess me? We have a team of Specialist
Driving Assessors who are Approved Driving Instructors and an Occupational Therapist. All have the professional expertise to assess people of all ages and abilities.
Where will I be assessed?
Cornwall Mobility staff can assess you at: Cornwall Mobility,Truro Echo Centre,
Liskeard Local Care Centre,
Plymouth Exeter Mobility Centre,
Exeter Holsworthy Hospital, Holsworthy
Assessment charges
There is a charge for this service, however, we keep this charge as low as possible and the cost of the assessment is supported by the Charitable Trust. Details of assessment charges are on our application form.
What does the assessment involve?
The Assessor(s) will start the assessment by having an initial discussion with you. This enables the Assessor(s) to find out relevant background information relating to you such as:
Mobility details
Medical history
Driving history
The Assessor(s) will perform a simple physical assessment in order that they are aware of your physical abilities. It may be necessary for clients to have their visual fields tested in order to determine whether their eyesight meets the legal requirements for driving purposes. If necessary a further assessment can be conducted. This will comprise a series of exercises to evaluate concentration, memory, co-ordination, attention and visual perception.
The Assessment Rig
The Assessment Rig is a computerised system that assesses strength of limbs, range of movement and decision and reactions times. It is particularly helpful for clients who do not have a driving licence and/or are unable to have an “on-road” drive.
On-road drive
The final stage of the assessment is a drive in one of our specially equipped vehicles. (Or it may be possible to use your own vehicle) This may only take place if the client has entitlement to drive and it is felt appropriate. The Assessor will ask clients to perform a series of exercises in order to assess their ability to drive in control of the vehicle and in a safe manner. The outcome of the assessment including recommendations will be discussed in full with you. A written report will be available to be sent to either you, your doctor or referring agency such as the DVLA.
Who is it for? A driving assessment is available for any person whether they are:
Disabled
Elderly
A provisional licence holder A person wishing to return to driving following an accident/long term illness/trauma/disabilityA person wishing to obtain vehicle and/or adaptations advice

 

[Spamar]

When OH had his driving assessment he didn’t get any further than the rig. They said he was not putting enough weight on the brake! He was annoyed and did it again, but with the same result. As he said he wasn’t used to it, not his own vehicle. I was annoyed because I’d been out with him the previous week and his driving was perfect. His problem was route finding! But he always made it home!
I wasn’t allowed to sell his pickup for at least a year, and it went to a friend of a friend. I don’t think he would have agreed if it had gone to a complete stranger.

Incidentally, when I changed to insurance on my car to just me, it went up! They said that if I was on a long journey, there would be no one to take over! How about stopping fo coffee? I was late 50s at that time and OH 16 years older.

 

[yorkie46]

Haven't updated in a while but after today's incidents I'm having to consider whether to contact DVLA for my own peace of mind and hopefully to prevent harm coming to someone else.
Since changed the car to an automatic hybrid last month my husband has driven it three times. He keeps saying he wants to drive but does little about it. He won't drive in busy traffic so most of the time he's happy to be driven.
Today we'd been out and he decided he wanted to drive back. He knows the route and it's not a very busy one. He got into the car and couldn't remember how to start it. I left him to try but eventually had to explain for the umpteenth time.
He started off OK but on a fairly narrow country road he was travelling too fast and brushed the bedside very close into the hedge. The wing mirror took a direct hit from the end of a fairly stout branch. I instinctively gasped and he said he couldn't help it because of the lorry travelling in the opposite direction, I pointed out that it would have helped if he's slowed down but he said he couldn't go any slower.
A little later on he misjudged the kerb in a section where there are some chicaines to slow down the traffic. Both nearside wheels but the kerb with a terrific bang. He said it wasn't his fault they should be painted white. I pointed out that he should be able to see them especially as he knows they are there and if became see them he has an issue.
A bit further on the car in front was breaking and indicating right, we were not slowing down. I had to shout at him that the car in front was turning but he said he was slowing down he was just trying to open the window. Of course he hasn't mastered where the window control is so he was having to look down to find it.
I said I'd be was not be should have said and I could have done something about it but apparently I should have known he was too hot.
By the time we got home was a nervous wreck but he just looked at the tyres and said they looked OK! He hasn't said anymore about it.
I'm seeing the GP on Monday and will try to speak to him about it but I think I'm going to be forced into informing on him!

 

[Beate]

Absolutely, he's an accident waiting to happen!

 

[jojo2018]

Hi everyone, can anyone offer any advice on what to do regarding worries about someone's safety as a driver. My husband does not have a diagnosis though we have been to memory clinic three times and going again in a couple of weeks. His memory has become significantly worse and so have other areas of understanding and ability to concentrate. One of my biggest concerns at the moment is his driving. Over the last few years he hasn't driven often, I've done most of it and the car is in my name. However he insists he wants to keep his licence 'for emergencies'. I've recently had to have hand surgery and been unable to drive for three weeks but its no exaggeration when I say my nerves are being shattered by his driving. He thinks he's fine 'its all the other idiots on the road'! He forgets where the control for the indicators is, doesn't know what gear he's in so changes randomly, revs the engine fast more than necessary, he's either too slow or too fast and has to brake hard then blames the brakes! Today he was blasted by a car behind when he crossed in front of them on a roundabout and called them all the names under the sun. We are just changing the car to an automatic, mainly to relieve my hand problems but also in the hope that not having to change gear he might find it easier but I really don't think he will. I also noticed that he doesn't always remember the roasds when he's driving, confused which roundabout he's on and where he needs to go, sometimes asks me which turning to take then acts as if he thought it was that one! I'm really terrified he's either going to have or cause an accident. If he does it won't be his fault of course. He thinks his driving is fine despite me having to tell him to brake or change gear sometimes. I really would welcome any advice.

Hi, I don't have advice so much as shared concerns! My mother-in-law is experiencing memory issues and we are awaiting further tests (she failed her first memory test very badly, though that could have partly been the stress of it all). So we don't really know how serious things are, and while we worry about her driving (no issues as of yet, just an ongoing fear) we also worry that we are even thinking of taking away something from her that is not our right to take away - driving to the shops each day gives her independence and she really values it. But then we think about the risks of something happening, somebody getting hurt, when we know she has memory issues, and is it our responsibility to step in now rather than wait for something to happen? It's so challenging! I just hope you (and we) can get the support (conclusive diagnosis?) from the Drs to make the right choice.

 

[yorkie46]

I can understand your difficulties especially as the car is a lifeline to your mother.
In my case I'm the primary driver, my husband rarely goes out without me but I am going away for a week in the summer and I'm sure he will use or try to use the car when I'm away. He wouldn't need to but I know he will because it's happened before. I
I'm still in a quandary because if he is contacted by DVLA he will suspect it's me who has informed them.

 

[DeMartin]

I can understand your difficulties especially as the car is a lifeline to your mother.
In my case I'm the primary driver, my husband rarely goes out without me but I am going away for a week in the summer and I'm sure he will use or try to use the car when I'm away. He wouldn't need to but I know he will because it's happened before. I
I'm still in a quandary because if he is contacted by DVLA he will suspect it's me who has informed them.

Have you a good discrete friend who could contact DVLA for you, then hand on heart you can say “wasn’t me”.

 

[Grahamstown]

Haven't updated in a while but after today's incidents I'm having to consider whether to contact DVLA for my own peace of mind and hopefully to prevent harm coming to someone else.
Since changed the car to an automatic hybrid last month my husband has driven it three times. He keeps saying he wants to drive but does little about it. He won't drive in busy traffic so most of the time he's happy to be driven.
Today we'd been out and he decided he wanted to drive back. He knows the route and it's not a very busy one. He got into the car and couldn't remember how to start it. I left him to try but eventually had to explain for the umpteenth time.
He started off OK but on a fairly narrow country road he was travelling too fast and brushed the bedside very close into the hedge. The wing mirror took a direct hit from the end of a fairly stout branch. I instinctively gasped and he said he couldn't help it because of the lorry travelling in the opposite direction, I pointed out that it would have helped if he's slowed down but he said he couldn't go any slower.
A little later on he misjudged the kerb in a section where there are some chicaines to slow down the traffic. Both nearside wheels but the kerb with a terrific bang. He said it wasn't his fault they should be painted white. I pointed out that he should be able to see them especially as he knows they are there and if became see them he has an issue.
A bit further on the car in front was breaking and indicating right, we were not slowing down. I had to shout at him that the car in front was turning but he said he was slowing down he was just trying to open the window. Of course he hasn't mastered where the window control is so he was having to look down to find it.
I said I'd be was not be should have said and I could have done something about it but apparently I should have known he was too hot.
By the time we got home was a nervous wreck but he just looked at the tyres and said they looked OK! He hasn't said anymore about it.
I'm seeing the GP on Monday and will try to speak to him about it but I think I'm going to be forced into informing on him!

I had exactly the same struggle with my OH over the winter and the final straw was when he had a boozy evening with his friends and then drove home drunk when he was supposed to get a taxi and I would pick up the car. Then he collapsed not long after, having had a similar boozy evening and had a hospital stay and then I was advised to tell the DVLA. Then the GP said the same thing so I did. Then he couldn’t fill in the form by himself to have an assessment so he had to surrender his license. He mentions it from time to time that he wishes he could drive but he has mostly forgotten. The point is that I could say that the doctors said it not me, but I had to make the telephone call. I hope this helps and you can get the GP with you on this. Another friend in a similar situation hit two cars, without injury to anyone but an avoidable accident.

 

[jojo2018]

I can understand your difficulties especially as the car is a lifeline to your mother.
In my case I'm the primary driver, my husband rarely goes out without me but I am going away for a week in the summer and I'm sure he will use or try to use the car when I'm away. He wouldn't need to but I know he will because it's happened before. I
I'm still in a quandary because if he is contacted by DVLA he will suspect it's me who has informed them.

That's really challenging. Perhaps put the car in the garage for that week? I have found that white lying might be a necessary evil as we move forward. My MIL has an unsafe bath-shower but refused to change it because she said she could handle it. In the end, I asked my husband to pretend he hurt himself - because then she agreed to change it. I hate this situation but somehow we have to keep the people we love safe without causing arguments or damaging our relationships with them. Good luck!

 

[yorkie46]

Thanks everyone. I have thought of trying to ask a friend to do it but I feel bad about putting the responsibility into them. I'm going to see the doctor on Monday and will see what happens after that. I
Unfortunately not bad enough yet that I could make something up to get the car out of the way!

 

[DeMartin]

Thanks everyone. I have thought of trying to ask a friend to do it but I feel bad about putting the responsibility into them. I'm going to see the doctor on Monday and will see what happens after that. I
Unfortunately not bad enough yet that I could make something up to get the car out of the way!

Your friend would merely be reporting a concern. The DVLA would then investigate and make a decision.

 

[yorkie46]

Thanks, yes I realised that but I still think it's an imposition. I have however put the suggestion to a very good friend who knows and understands the difficulties I have and the importance of confidentiality. She can only say no! I will still speak to the GP about it.
will post any developments.

 

[Countryboy]

I have been watching the thread closely, the original question asking for advise was fine but it has a gone a bit Cloak & Dagger now perhaps it would be easier & kinder to just tell the truth or call a spade & spade and say to someone your not safe to drive, instead all the mystery and deceit, I’m not sure what your husbands/wives or parent would make of this if they read some of the replies I think it amounts to Ableism

 

[yorkie46]

Sorry you feel like that Tony. Unfortunately if I did as you suggest I might as well pack my bags and leave home now! It would be OK if my husband was someone who was capable of listening to reason but he isn't although he has no diagnosis. I suggested that he maybe didn't need to renew his licence a year ago, friends have tried to persuade him he doesn't need to drive, to no avail. He always says he wants to be able to drive in an emergency! As one doctor told me that is exactly the time he shouldn't be driving!!

 

[yorkie46]

Hi Sarahdun
Having a diagnosis that required him to notify DVLA would make it easier but he doesn't have a diagnosis.I
He's 82, he has a bus pass, he hardly ever goes anywhere without me. Days out are few and far between because he's not that interested in going anywhere. He talks about it, I suggested he made a list of places he's like to go but he just said 'you can choose too '. In other words you want a list you get on and do it! He refuses to go on holiday and said he's rather just have days out. I wanted a holiday so I could have a bit of a break, days out are not really a break for me.
Anyway, I digress! I will have to find a way.

 

[JBK]

Haven't updated in a while but after today's incidents I'm having to consider whether to contact DVLA for my own peace of mind and hopefully to prevent harm coming to someone else.
Since changed the car to an automatic hybrid last month my husband has driven it three times. He keeps saying he wants to drive but does little about it. He won't drive in busy traffic so most of the time he's happy to be driven.
Today we'd been out and he decided he wanted to drive back. He knows the route and it's not a very busy one. He got into the car and couldn't remember how to start it. I left him to try but eventually had to explain for the umpteenth time.
He started off OK but on a fairly narrow country road he was travelling too fast and brushed the bedside very close into the hedge. The wing mirror took a direct hit from the end of a fairly stout branch. I instinctively gasped and he said he couldn't help it because of the lorry travelling in the opposite direction, I pointed out that it would have helped if he's slowed down but he said he couldn't go any slower.
A little later on he misjudged the kerb in a section where there are some chicaines to slow down the traffic. Both nearside wheels but the kerb with a terrific bang. He said it wasn't his fault they should be painted white. I pointed out that he should be able to see them especially as he knows they are there and if became see them he has an issue.
A bit further on the car in front was breaking and indicating right, we were not slowing down. I had to shout at him that the car in front was turning but he said he was slowing down he was just trying to open the window. Of course he hasn't mastered where the window control is so he was having to look down to find it.
I said I'd be was not be should have said and I could have done something about it but apparently I should have known he was too hot.
By the time we got home was a nervous wreck but he just looked at the tyres and said they looked OK! He hasn't said anymore about it.
I'm seeing the GP on Monday and will try to speak to him about it but I think I'm going to be forced into informing on him!