Hi everyone, can anyone offer any advice on what to do regarding worries about someone's safety as a driver. My husband does not have a diagnosis though we have been to memory clinic three times and going again in a couple of weeks. His memory has become significantly worse and so have other areas of understanding and ability to concentrate. One of my biggest concerns at the moment is his driving. Over the last few years he hasn't driven often, I've done most of it and the car is in my name. However he insists he wants to keep his licence 'for emergencies'. I've recently had to have hand surgery and been unable to drive for three weeks but its no exaggeration when I say my nerves are being shattered by his driving. He thinks he's fine 'its all the other idiots on the road'! He forgets where the control for the indicators is, doesn't know what gear he's in so changes randomly, revs the engine fast more than necessary, he's either too slow or too fast and has to brake hard then blames the brakes! Today he was blasted by a car behind when he crossed in front of them on a roundabout and called them all the names under the sun. We are just changing the car to an automatic, mainly to relieve my hand problems but also in the hope that not having to change gear he might find it easier but I really don't think he will. I also noticed that he doesn't always remember the roasds when he's driving, confused which roundabout he's on and where he needs to go, sometimes asks me which turning to take then acts as if he thought it was that one! I'm really terrified he's either going to have or cause an accident. If he does it won't be his fault of course. He thinks his driving is fine despite me having to tell him to brake or change gear sometimes. I really would welcome any advice.
Driving concerns!
- Thread starter yorkie46
- Start date
I hate automatic cars and if you read the stories in the papers most of the serious low speed accidents that happen are down to older people driving automatic cars because it's easier.
One of my children ( a 30 odd year old doctor) hired a car and was given an automatic, she actually asked me how cars like this can be driven safely, she couldn't do it.
You have to remember that in a manual car your right foot does the accelerator AND the brake, your left foot just does the clutch so in an auto car your left foot is redundant, so many people try to convert to still using 2 feet where in the past they only used one to do the same function.
If I want to stop (in a manual car) both feet press a pedal, right on the brake, left on the clutch, in an auto you just need to change pedals with the same foot, pressing with both feet is a disaster.
Swapping from manual to auto for your hand may be beneficial but for him it may be a much bigger change and harder to cope with than you may think.
I don't mind what I'm driving (licenced) from a 7.5 tonne truck to a mini but I find driving an auto the hardest of all, too many years with 3 pedals to go over to the two pedal system.
K
One of my children ( a 30 odd year old doctor) hired a car and was given an automatic, she actually asked me how cars like this can be driven safely, she couldn't do it.
You have to remember that in a manual car your right foot does the accelerator AND the brake, your left foot just does the clutch so in an auto car your left foot is redundant, so many people try to convert to still using 2 feet where in the past they only used one to do the same function.
If I want to stop (in a manual car) both feet press a pedal, right on the brake, left on the clutch, in an auto you just need to change pedals with the same foot, pressing with both feet is a disaster.
Swapping from manual to auto for your hand may be beneficial but for him it may be a much bigger change and harder to cope with than you may think.
I don't mind what I'm driving (licenced) from a 7.5 tonne truck to a mini but I find driving an auto the hardest of all, too many years with 3 pedals to go over to the two pedal system.
K
It is always difficult to try to stop a driver with dementia who thinks they are fine and hasn't yet been formally diagnosed but from your description and your necessary verbal interventions he is a danger to himself you and others and should be stopped from driving now as it seems to be an accident waiting to happen. An automatic may well be more confusing and you have described how you are already making judgements and decisions for him. It is unfortunate you are unable to drive for a while but this seems to me a risk not worth taking. Sorry if this seems harsh. My mum had to stop my dad from driving pre diagnosis
When I was buying my automatic car after having driven a manual, a friend said to me that all I needed to do was to tuck my left foot under my seat and leave it there. Even now, I still pull my left foot towards my seat when I get in the car, force of habit, so my left foot never gets near the pedals and it happily stays exactly where it is supposed to be.
individual drivers who wish to retain their license can take a self referral obviously you would also have to pay for the assessment yourself (aprox £75) however this would result in the assessment taking place more quickly following the assessment all clients receive verbal advice as well as a written report you could also send a copy to DVLA to aid their medical inquiries and speed up the process.
The assessment assessor will consider all aspects of your driving including medical fitness, vision, awareness, reactions and cognitive decision-making as well as physical ability to operate the controls.
The assessment assessor will consider all aspects of your driving including medical fitness, vision, awareness, reactions and cognitive decision-making as well as physical ability to operate the controls.
It's hard but don't wait for a crisis to happen because it will. I had to stop my dad from driving as he had too many bumps and it all came about quiet suddenly. He has had motorbility cars for years and his last on went back last March, unmarked and as good as new.
He received his new one at the same time and by August he had dented front bumper two or three times, back bumper at least twice, passenger door caved in. front wing caved in and one tyre written off where he hit a traffic island. Such a short time for all of these incidents and then he mislaid the car altogether when he parked it in town. I stopped him then and I dread to think what may have happened if I had not.
I really wish I had stopped him sooner and I think we got off lightly as it could have been a lot worse and someone could have been hurt.
When we read Threads related to a person with dementia Driving it would be an advantage if you disclosed the age of the person in question , personally that would be a great help for us to when replying or not
Hi Tony
My husband is 82 and I stress that although I believe he has dementia he doesn't actually have a diagnosis.
Does anyone know what will happen if I report him to dvla. I understand that this can be don confidentially.
My husband is 82 and I stress that although I believe he has dementia he doesn't actually have a diagnosis.
Does anyone know what will happen if I report him to dvla. I understand that this can be don confidentially.
Hi again Tony
I should have mentioned that he was advised to have a driving assessment when he had his first appointment at memory clinic two years ago. He was very reluctant to do this so I suggested that we should both do it. We did and I was fine (I'm ten years younger than him) but the assessor picked him up on several things and suggested he should be assessed again in 6 months. You can imagine his reaction! Needless to say he refused any further assessment and the assessor was an idiot! Since then his driving has become much worse.
I should have mentioned that he was advised to have a driving assessment when he had his first appointment at memory clinic two years ago. He was very reluctant to do this so I suggested that we should both do it. We did and I was fine (I'm ten years younger than him) but the assessor picked him up on several things and suggested he should be assessed again in 6 months. You can imagine his reaction! Needless to say he refused any further assessment and the assessor was an idiot! Since then his driving has become much worse.
Hi Yorkie46 thanks for the reply I obviously age does make a difference, my reason for asking when I was first diagnosed age 57 My dementia did not impact in anyway on my driving Plus I was an essential car user so to continue working I needed a Car this allowed me to I carried on working for a further 8 years until my retirement at age 65. I still drive today 19 years after my first diagnoses.
If you feel your husband is a danger I would imagine you could report him but why not talk to your GP and get him to do it for you,
sorry can’t give you much advice "I spent years fighting DVLA to retain my license"
Hope it works all out well for you though
Hi Duggies-girl
I was interested that you say you stopped your dad driving. How did you do it? There is no way I can convince my husband to do it voluntarily. I'm getting closer to thinking I should report him to dvla but I'm really worried that they will let him know that I have. They say on the website its confidential. My worry is that as I'm the only one who witnesses his driving (apart from the people he cuts up on the road) is me so he will consequently know that I've reported him! I'm considering phoning them on my mobile to ask about what would happen if I tell them.
I was interested that you say you stopped your dad driving. How did you do it? There is no way I can convince my husband to do it voluntarily. I'm getting closer to thinking I should report him to dvla but I'm really worried that they will let him know that I have. They say on the website its confidential. My worry is that as I'm the only one who witnesses his driving (apart from the people he cuts up on the road) is me so he will consequently know that I've reported him! I'm considering phoning them on my mobile to ask about what would happen if I tell them.
You said that you were going back to the memory clinic again in a couple of weeks.
The doctor in the cognitive clinic that OH goes to was the one who told OH that he should not be driving (although this was not a problem to him as he cannot drive anyway!). Could you write a letter to the doctor in the memory clinic outlining all your concerns and give it to the receptionist when you book in so that the doctor sees it before the appointment? If the doctor could tell him not to drive then I think it may be easier for you. I have found "the doctor says ......" is a much easier conversation.
The doctor in the cognitive clinic that OH goes to was the one who told OH that he should not be driving (although this was not a problem to him as he cannot drive anyway!). Could you write a letter to the doctor in the memory clinic outlining all your concerns and give it to the receptionist when you book in so that the doctor sees it before the appointment? If the doctor could tell him not to drive then I think it may be easier for you. I have found "the doctor says ......" is a much easier conversation.
Hello all, just more info re my husband. He had heart surgery in 2010, since then he's gone gradually downhill. He still has some residual heart issues which are managed with medication. He has hypertension, type 2 diabetes, had a hip replacement which he dislocated twice resulting in for lots of surgery on same hip, has arthritis in spine and left ankle. As a result of these various medical issues he is unable to walk very far without stopping and he has a blue badge.
He has recently been prescribed antidepressants because he wasn't sleeping and had various sleeping tablets and after a major outburst admitted that the doctor was right and he was depressed.
Hopefully you now have a better picture of what I'm dealing with!
He has recently been prescribed antidepressants because he wasn't sleeping and had various sleeping tablets and after a major outburst admitted that the doctor was right and he was depressed.
Hopefully you now have a better picture of what I'm dealing with!
hi @yorkie46
please do contact the DVLA to find out their procedure
you are clearly very concerned
I always think, would I be happy to have a child in the care with this driver .....
you say you are changing your car for an automatic - how much do you NEED it right now, as in might taking a bus or taxi work instead - so that you could concoct a 'something's making a strange noise' type excuse to get the car to wherever is out of sight, and sell it
then when you get the new car, insist that you need much more practice than your husband so you need to be the one driving to get used to it (don't let him even have a go and thank him profusely for putting up with you having to practise) - you say that before your operation, your husband hardly drove at all, you may be lucky and he slips back to that and doesn't drive again
please do contact the DVLA to find out their procedure
you are clearly very concerned
I always think, would I be happy to have a child in the care with this driver .....
you say you are changing your car for an automatic - how much do you NEED it right now, as in might taking a bus or taxi work instead - so that you could concoct a 'something's making a strange noise' type excuse to get the car to wherever is out of sight, and sell it
then when you get the new car, insist that you need much more practice than your husband so you need to be the one driving to get used to it (don't let him even have a go and thank him profusely for putting up with you having to practise) - you say that before your operation, your husband hardly drove at all, you may be lucky and he slips back to that and doesn't drive again
Hi Canary
I have been considering whether to give the clinic some info re various issues, my biggest worry again is confidentiality. I'm so worried that they will let him know that I've given them information. We are actually not seeing a doctor, just something else I have an issue with, we are seeing a nurse! The first couple of times we went we saw a doctor but last time it was a nurse and she said she had to them discuss her findings at a team meeting but couldn't see enough for a diagnosis of dementia or MCI! We then heard nothing for weeks after she promised a call within a week. I had to chase her to find out what the decision was. The report she sent us was peppered with errors! Hence I have little faith in the clinic.
I have been considering whether to give the clinic some info re various issues, my biggest worry again is confidentiality. I'm so worried that they will let him know that I've given them information. We are actually not seeing a doctor, just something else I have an issue with, we are seeing a nurse! The first couple of times we went we saw a doctor but last time it was a nurse and she said she had to them discuss her findings at a team meeting but couldn't see enough for a diagnosis of dementia or MCI! We then heard nothing for weeks after she promised a call within a week. I had to chase her to find out what the decision was. The report she sent us was peppered with errors! Hence I have little faith in the clinic.
Hi @yorkie46 My dad was found in a confused state by a very kind lady when he could not find his car. She was so kind and helpful to him and managed to get our number from him. Dad also told her that he could not find his car because he felt giddy. I used the giddiness as an excuse and said he could not drive until he had been checked by his doctor and when we found the car I took it to my place.
I did tip off the doctors receptionist about his driving and I went in with dad to see the doctor and the doctor was wonderful. He checked dad for all sorts and referred him to the memory clinic and also asked him about his driving. Then he told him that he must not drive anymore. Brilliant, exactly what I wanted. Dad would never have given up of his own accord and he would never have listened to me but he has to do what the doctor told him to.
Of course he now tells everyone that he decided himself to stop driving but it is one less thing that I have to worry about now.
I think you are safe in reporting him or get a friend to do for you. Anyone can report someone. He won't listen to you or anyone else, it needs to be an official person. Good luck with it.
Hi Shedrech
Thanks for your suggestions.
Unfortunately I do need the car myself! If I didn't I'd be reasonably happy to give it up completely. I hope when the time ones I can do it with good grace.
You're right I will need to practise myself but he wouldn't accept that as an excuse for him not to drive, he's already said that he wants to drive more than he has been.
I have never allowed him to drive with our grandson in the car. I've got round that by putting the child seat behind the drivers seat because my husband needs more leg space so thee isn't room for our grandson if he's driving!
I'm going to talk to my daughter about whether she agrees that I should phone dvla. I'm pretty sure I will have to have more hand surgery in the future but I really don't want him diving then. I'm trying to plan it so he won't need to anyway. I wish we didn't have to be so devious.
Thanks for your suggestions.
Unfortunately I do need the car myself! If I didn't I'd be reasonably happy to give it up completely. I hope when the time ones I can do it with good grace.
You're right I will need to practise myself but he wouldn't accept that as an excuse for him not to drive, he's already said that he wants to drive more than he has been.
I have never allowed him to drive with our grandson in the car. I've got round that by putting the child seat behind the drivers seat because my husband needs more leg space so thee isn't room for our grandson if he's driving!
I'm going to talk to my daughter about whether she agrees that I should phone dvla. I'm pretty sure I will have to have more hand surgery in the future but I really don't want him diving then. I'm trying to plan it so he won't need to anyway. I wish we didn't have to be so devious.
Just Googled this for DVLA it may help you
To report a dangerous driver anonymously please call:
0844 453 0118
To report a dangerous driver anonymously please call:
0844 453 0118
Yorkie 46 because you are in Hampshire have a look at this website.
https://www.hants.gov.uk/transport/roadsafety/drivertraining/driverskills
We used it for FiL, convinced him to stop.
Bod
https://www.hants.gov.uk/transport/roadsafety/drivertraining/driverskills
We used it for FiL, convinced him to stop.
Bod
Hi Bod
Thanks for the suggestion. Unfortunately as I mentioned to Tony the doctor at his first memory clinic appointment suggested he should have an assessment which he wasn't happy with so I suggested we both did it. We did but he was very unhappy with the result. The assessor pulled him up on a few things and recommended he have another assessment in six months but he refused. He said it was like a driving test! I'd have no chance of convincing him to do it again.
Thanks for the suggestion. Unfortunately as I mentioned to Tony the doctor at his first memory clinic appointment suggested he should have an assessment which he wasn't happy with so I suggested we both did it. We did but he was very unhappy with the result. The assessor pulled him up on a few things and recommended he have another assessment in six months but he refused. He said it was like a driving test! I'd have no chance of convincing him to do it again.
