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Driving and its responsiblities

dunlin

Registered User
Jul 18, 2014
32
My Dad has been diagnosed with mild Alzheimer's

His specialist has said local driving is ok for now, but to notify DVLA which we've done (we are now waiting for their verdict).

He has had an exemplary driving career, with no driving offences or accidents over the years, and always driven with confidence and consideration for other road users.

Up keeping of driving documents though, has increasingly been a contentious issue........

Just spent the morning looking for an insurance certificate, and all I could find are out of date ones!?
My mother blames him (nothing to do with his Alzheimer's according to her) and gives him such a hard time over it, to the point where he gets very confused and more repetitive than usual.
Then she gives me a hard time, speaking to me like it's all my fault and my responsibility to put it right!
She told me that the latest certificate is the right one (it expired March 2014) and both me and the insurance company have got it wrong!
I felt like running away, I'm ashamed to admit
She speaks to me with such nastiness! I was actually shaking, hoping against hope I could find the right certificate in the folder.

Anyway she then announced that she would sort it herself............. so I've left it at that, knowing full well she won't be able to

She's so horrible, I can't understand why, and it makes me want to avoid brining it up at all costs!

Not sure what to do now, as they are potentially driving around with no car insurance?!
Arrrrrggggggghhhh!

I know I have to be brave and tackle it again, no matter how thorny.........
 

malc

Registered User
Aug 15, 2012
353
north east lincolnshire
driving without insurance is 6 penalty points and a fine,everything is anpr camera orientated now since they did away with the tax disc,so you either wait till he gets stopped and let the police sort this problem out or you try again with your mum,i'd say it's better to sort out inter family to save a lot of upset with the police involved,difficult situation!
 

WILLIAMR

Account Closed
Apr 12, 2014
1,078
My Dad has been diagnosed with mild Alzheimer's

His specialist has said local driving is ok for now, but to notify DVLA which we've done (we are now waiting for their verdict).

He has had an exemplary driving career, with no driving offences or accidents over the years, and always driven with confidence and consideration for other road users.

Up keeping of driving documents though, has increasingly been a contentious issue........

Just spent the morning looking for an insurance certificate, and all I could find are out of date ones!?
My mother blames him (nothing to do with his Alzheimer's according to her) and gives him such a hard time over it, to the point where he gets very confused and more repetitive than usual.
Then she gives me a hard time, speaking to me like it's all my fault and my responsibility to put it right!
She told me that the latest certificate is the right one (it expired March 2014) and both me and the insurance company have got it wrong!
I felt like running away, I'm ashamed to admit
She speaks to me with such nastiness! I was actually shaking, hoping against hope I could find the right certificate in the folder.

Anyway she then announced that she would sort it herself............. so I've left it at that, knowing full well she won't be able to

She's so horrible, I can't understand why, and it makes me want to avoid brining it up at all costs!

Not sure what to do now, as they are potentially driving around with no car insurance?!
Arrrrrggggggghhhh!

I know I have to be brave and tackle it again, no matter how thorny.........
Hi dunlin

http://www.askmid.com/

You can check to see if the vehicle is insured by using the above mentioned link.

It is reasonably accurate but the police said it is not 100% when I was stopped once 19 days after I renewed my policy.

The officer said it was the first time he had stopped a driver for no insurance showing on the ANPR who had renewed with the existing company but he said bear in mind that is only his experience and not the police force overall.

He said he had stopped a few drivers a few days after they had changed insurance companies as they were showing as uninsured

The moral I think is check your vehicle is showing as insured a few days after you renew the policy.

William
 

dunlin

Registered User
Jul 18, 2014
32
Thanks William, that's really useful

I'm just about at the end of my tether with worry....
Trying to do my best whilst shielding myself and dad from the onslaught of mothers anger is taking its toll
She's unreasonable and all controlling
But underneath just a tiny frightened lady terrified of getting older and loosing control.
I really do sympathize but getting emotionally battered every time is very hard

Thanks I'll go have a look at the link
 

Miss Merlot

Registered User
Oct 15, 2012
3,260
Driving without insurance entails a £5,000 maximum fine.

I know of which I speak - I have my theory test tomorrow and that's one of the questions...
 

henfenywfach

Registered User
May 23, 2013
332
rct
sorry to say shape of things to come

My Dad has been diagnosed with mild Alzheimer's

His specialist has said local driving is ok for now, but to notify DVLA which we've done (we are now waiting for their verdict).

He has had an exemplary driving career, with no driving offences or accidents over the years, and always driven with confidence and consideration for other road users.

Up keeping of driving documents though, has increasingly been a contentious issue........

Just spent the morning looking for an insurance certificate, and all I could find are out of date ones!?
My mother blames him (nothing to do with his Alzheimer's according to her) and gives him such a hard time over it, to the point where he gets very confused and more repetitive than usual.
Then she gives me a hard time, speaking to me like it's all my fault and my responsibility to put it right!
She told me that the latest certificate is the right one (it expired March 2014) and both me and the insurance company have got it wrong!
I felt like running away, I'm ashamed to admit
She speaks to me with such nastiness! I was actually shaking, hoping against hope I could find the right certificate in the folder.

Anyway she then announced that she would sort it herself............. so I've left it at that, knowing full well she won't be able to

She's so horrible, I can't understand why, and it makes me want to avoid brining it up at all costs!

Not sure what to do now, as they are potentially driving around with no car insurance?!
Arrrrrggggggghhhh!

I know I have to be brave and tackle it again, no matter how thorny.........

hi! sorry youre having to go through this. Its better that you find these things out now..
In my case my dad did everything as my mum couldn't even organise a shopping list and now my dad has dementia.. my mum is totally incapable of sorting everything and ive taken nearly a year to sort out all the paperwork, insurances, bills ,etc. My mum rants your dad does it and started shouted at him..saying what have you done with that???? he cant remember what he did this morning let alone last year...
The reason im telling you this is that I discovered that my dad hadn't been coping with the paperwork etc for some time and had no paper trail for the last two years..we still don't know where he put it all...No matter how much I try and help my mum to educate her to take over the bills I get I cant do it and raised voices..
I know how it feels ..sometimes I think to myself right that's your lot..im doing all this to look after you all and have to put up with being spoken to like that. In the end I decided that I needed to stand my ground and have my say. it took a while for wounds to be licked so to speak.. but at least my mum realised I deserved respect, and this things called dementia was affecting us all...

if you find an up to date insurance document... or not..it is worrying of what could've happened but if the decision is to to carry on driving then any insurance company would need to be leally informed like the dvla that there is a diagnosis or even waiting for one. my dads insurance said ok..let us know if theres a change of diagnosis or info from dvla. the balls in the dvlas court then. My dad didn't get his licence renewed. then it was round two of the stroppiness to accept that..
stand strong . and it is a lot to accept and hardwork but keep in your mind that you matter as well and you need to look after yourself physically and emotionally.. good luck!
 

dunlin

Registered User
Jul 18, 2014
32
Dad has up to date car insurance! Phew....
But where his current documents are is anyone's guess.....

I am fully aware of the implications of not having the correct car insurance, this is why I was so very worried and stressed

Not helped by a ranting mother blaming everyone (mostly me!)

Dad and I are going into the insurance company, to request another copy of the policy and to check the details

Still awaiting the DVLA verdict............last letter said it may take up to 12 weeks!
 

malc

Registered User
Aug 15, 2012
353
north east lincolnshire
a lot of insurance companies don't issue hard copies now unless you request one because you don't need to show them anymore for road tax,they're stored online and you login to the company website to access them.
 
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dunlin

Registered User
Jul 18, 2014
32
....... and this is also what I'm thinking....
I bet he was asked this and can't remember!

Best to check though, better safe than sorry
 

Caroline2014

Registered User
Oct 28, 2014
4
Should he be driving at all?

I know this thread relates to insurance. However, if he has Altzheimers, then should he be driving and how safe is he on the road? As his brain deteriorates, his responses will become slower and less accurate and his driving may very well become unsafe.

I liaised with the GP to deal with this. However my father resolved the issue by one day getting so confused he ended up driving to Scotland from Tyne And Wear through the night after taking a wrong turn and was flagged down by the police at 4am. Fortunately following this a driving test was insisted upon by the DVLA which fortunately he failed. I was so worried about him and other drivers and passengers and I am quite sure accidents have been avoided from this action.
Sometimes it takes a while to realise that their driving is not safe.
 

dunlin

Registered User
Jul 18, 2014
32
Dad has now retired from driving, the DVLA finally sent a letter......

I'm relieved!
He has taken the decision with good grace, but heavy heart.

Difficulties now are with mobility and getting to the shops, both wont use public transport, both are too frail anyway for standing about.
So I am now elected driver at the moment, until I can come up with help from somewhere haha
 

Witzend

Registered User
Aug 29, 2007
4,291
SW London
Dad has now retired from driving, the DVLA finally sent a letter......

I'm relieved!
He has taken the decision with good grace, but heavy heart.

Difficulties now are with mobility and getting to the shops, both wont use public transport, both are too frail anyway for standing about.
So I am now elected driver at the moment, until I can come up with help from somewhere haha
Could you organise online deliveries for them? Though I know not everyone will accept them - dementia can make theoretically simple solutions extraordinarily difficult.
 

FozzyC

Registered User
Aug 3, 2014
53
Staffordshire
I too have been running round like a headless chicken trying to be a taxi driver in addition to working part time. Last week I had a bit of a melt down and had to pull back.

Anyway, not sure if this helps, but my dad used to drive to the local Co-op, do his shopping and then they deliver to save him the job of heavy lifting and unloading. Now he can't drive he phoned them up, the driver picked up his list, did the shopping and delivered it back and collected payment. Now I'm doubting that is company policy (but it is unbelievable service!) but for those who have never dealt with online shopping maybe a friendly local store would take a list over the phone for essentials and deliver them? I know his butcher offered to do the same.

If your dad could cope with online shopping that would be ideal, I just know mine can't! Alternative could be you do the online shop, once set up with 'favourites' you can take a list off your dad and place the order for him, but that's another job for you :(

I didn't know it existed but I saw a mini bus at our local supermarket the other day labelled Staffordshire Connect, your local bookable bus. Never heard of it before but I am going to pursue it as that might get Dad from A to B, he can't walk far or stand around ages but if you can book it from home to store and back that would be ideal and give him some independence. Mom's Physio also said some voluntary groups offer drivers who will do GP or hospital appointments, and may do shopping trips too. Maybe your local Age UK or Alzheimers Society would have some contacts.

Now I need to take my own advice and try to reduce my taxi commitments in addition to all the others I have!
 

dunlin

Registered User
Jul 18, 2014
32
Thanks online shopping may be the answer!!

They refuse to go in the council door to door service, saying that it's full of old people!
They've refused the RVS transport service
They have a taxi booked for a Wednesday medical appointment (1st time they have ever used a taxi) just waiting for the call to say they've changed their mind and can I take them..........

They like their routine and days they always go........and not keen to change

It's so very hard sometimes to reason with them on different things
Mum has mobility issues, dad has moderate Alzheimer's neither can really look after the other
I feel very isolated sometimes, so very glad to read posts on here!
 

Pickles53

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
2,474
Radcliffe on Trent
My mum used to use a local 'phone and ride service' to get to places which were difficult to reach by bus. It worked brilliantly for quite a few years, until she wasn't able to remember times/days well enough to either book a trip or remember what had been booked for her.

I know a lot of drivers tend to be quite dismissive of public transport (you should have heard my FIL's reaction when we suggested he could make use of his free bus pass) but it is worth looking into these options. Much cheaper than taxis everywhere.
 

alwaysfretting

Registered User
Jan 1, 2015
41
Just back from mum's, she lives 40 miles from me and is 87 with Alzheimer's. She tootled off quite happily this morning on the council bus to sainsburys, subsidized scheme. She also has a local voluntary service who take her to shops, doctors etc for £2. It's a charity. We keep offering to do internet shopping for her but to no avail.
 

dunlin

Registered User
Jul 18, 2014
32
......... all very very good suggestions

If only my parents would embrace change just a little

They have neither been sociable or friendly, quite isolated actually.....which was fine when they were capable but not now they need help and I need help supporting them

You have no idea how good it is to read the posts on here and know I'm not the only one:)
 

Pickles53

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
2,474
Radcliffe on Trent
I know it seems harsh but there's no incentive for them to try anything else if you always drop everything to chauffeur them. There seem to be a number of other options they could try.

For hospital appointments, there is usually some form of transport available but each trust seems to have their own system. You do have to ask though, they don't seem keen to volunteer/offer help unless you say they need it.
 
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