Dreading tom any advice.

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Onmyown, Feb 11, 2018.

  1. Onmyown

    Onmyown Registered User

    May 30, 2017
    385
    Update from mums attack on me last week...... Got speaking to a lovely phn her parents both died from dementia so she was very sympathetic. She spoke to mums gp on Friday about a house call tom. Social worker also calling at 11am. Now as you know mum will go nuts any advice on how I deal with all this? First problem mum does not like to be woken up early? And does not like anyone coming to the house? I'm keeping her calm and trying to clean house it's a mess clutter but I don't want it to be too clean I want them to see the clutter etc. Mum is very calm and happy again but we all know that can change. I'm a nervous wreck and I will not really know until the morning whether her gp is calling or who? Very stressful. But hopefully I will get mum into hospital and get some respite and let them assess her properly.
     
  2. love.dad.but..

    love.dad.but.. Registered User

    Jan 16, 2014
    4,380
    Kent
    The advice I would give is don't do anything to keep your mum calm just let her do and react to things as she would normally do....let the phn and the SW see her kick off at you...don't provoke her but in fact better if she does show her dementia challenges....then they will get a real sense of how difficult caring for your mum is. For you...just take the day and visits as they come as calmly as you can but make sure you convey that you are no longer able to care for your mum and her challenges. Jot down tonight the main points you want to to mention.
     
  3. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    9,862
    Female
    South coast
    I agree. Tomorrow is not a day to minimise problems - GP and SW need to see it like it is so that they know how hard it is for you. It is not an examination of your abilities. The worst thing that could happen is that they arrive to a beautifully clean home and see your mum, clean, tidy and cheerful, as this will make them think that there is not much wrong!
     
  4. Onmyown

    Onmyown Registered User

    May 30, 2017
    385
    Gosh thanks that's what I thought what's the point in me showcasing when this is how she lives. I really hope they tske her away tom as her moods are getting worse. Was very aggressive this morning with her meds "stop treating me like an idiot"?? One thing for sure mum is not great in the morning in fact it's when she's most aggressive even having slept for 13hrs? I'm just terrified they will think she's OK and mum will hurl abuse or harm me when they have left?
     
  5. love.dad.but..

    love.dad.but.. Registered User

    Jan 16, 2014
    4,380
    Kent
    And you must say exactly that to the phn and SW...what may happen after they have gone and you are concerned for your own safety
     
  6. Onmyown

    Onmyown Registered User

    May 30, 2017
    385
    I am not telling siblings what is going on if they really cared they would have called me. But nothing? Just lies and conversations and sneaky goings on behind my back. Hopefully when family can't get hold of mum they will contact me and I'll say well she's in a psychiatric ward what part of dementia do you not understand?
     
  7. Kikki21

    Kikki21 Registered User

    Feb 27, 2016
    1,953
    Female
    East Midlands
    You need to tell the GP & the social worker just how it is with your mum for sure. What she can & can’t do & how she is with you. Big hugs xx
     
  8. Onmyown

    Onmyown Registered User

    May 30, 2017
    385
    Will I have to speak in front of mum or will they ask me privately? I don't know if I care now as this needs to be sorted ASAP. If they ask me in front of her I will be honest.
     
  9. love.dad.but..

    love.dad.but.. Registered User

    Jan 16, 2014
    4,380
    Kent
    They may be sensible and talk separately to you and your mum but if that isn't possible because of the house layout or your mum wants to stick to you like glue...then from what you have described in your posts the time and opportunity has come for you just to tell it how it is in front of her...not ideal but if it is unavoidable . With her denials or protestations you will have to remain calm but assertive in making sure they fully understand how bad it has got. Don't forget your injury photo evidence.
     
  10. Onmyown

    Onmyown Registered User

    May 30, 2017
    385
    Thanks I still have a nasty bruise so photo not nessasary. Have got my hopes up that mum will be finally checked psyciatrically after 7yrs of hell so hopefully nothing goes wrong.
     
  11. Tin

    Tin Registered User

    May 18, 2014
    4,829
    UK
    Let them see exactly what you are dealing with house and all. If your mother refuses to get out of bed then leave her there, you have tried to get her up, but it is hopeless, this is exactly the situation that you want them to see and that they must see. If you have to talk in front of her then do so. Please try not to second guess their reactions. Finally don't forget to post giving us an update after the visit!
     
  12. Baby Bunty

    Baby Bunty Registered User

    Jan 24, 2018
    297
    Hope all goes well tomorrow..will be thinking off you..but please dont gloss over thinks..tell them how are you are finding this and you cant cope.xxx
     
  13. Onmyown

    Onmyown Registered User

    May 30, 2017
    385
    Thanks guys and yes of course update..... If I'm not online tom I'm off in the pub having a well deserved glass of wine???? Or in jail with mum!!!!!
     
  14. scattysue

    scattysue Registered User

    Aug 20, 2015
    65
    Good luck for tomorrow -we'll be thinking of you xx
     
  15. Baby Bunty

    Baby Bunty Registered User

    Jan 24, 2018
    297
    Hope its a glass of wine.xxxxxx
     
  16. Marymars

    Marymars Registered User

    Feb 11, 2018
    15
    Hope you're ok
     

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