I have just arrived back in London, after visiting my OH’s parents in America and feel sick with anxiety about visiting my parents, both PWD. Our trip was restful, apart from the dementia dreams every night, and the frequent tears and sadness that too often overwhelmed me, and by the end I was starting to feel able to be happy. Now I am back and there is no ‘good time’ to call or visit and I wish I never had to. Phone calls are a nightmare. Either they aren’t answered or if they are, and my father can’t hear me (wrong ear), I end up having to scream in an attempt to be heard. Or he does hear me (phone to the better ear) and immediately tries to put my much more confused mother on the phone, who then starts screaming resistance to the idea across the flat or else comes to the phone demanding I do something impossible, like going back home to her ‘real family’, before slamming the phone down or screaming abuse/complaints at me. So better to visit? But when? Whenever I choose it is apparently ‘the worst time to visit’. First thing? They would be very angry and confused and wouldn’t understand why I was waking them and nor would I. Lunchtime? The best time, in theory, but also when they get up, which also means their first opportunity to fight and scream, with me or the carers in the middle. Just after lunch? Maybe, if you can time it just right, and my mother hasn’t just thrown her meal in the bathroom bin in fury, or gone back to bed after 10 minutes, or isn’t screaming at me for never visiting, as soon as I arrive. Late afternoon? See first thing and lunchtime, ie all times are ‘the worst time’. Maybe I am just too selfish for this role. Post holiday, I feel a bit sane, quite happy, and don’t want it to end. I also feel guilty, worried about my parents, and anxious as hell. Rant over. Sorry.