Drastic Moves ahead...

[maryjoan]

My PWD stayed with his son at Christmas. Afterwards the son, who is a wonderful person whom I respect, phoned my local Social Services and said after experiencing caring for his father alone for a week, he felt I should not have to do this anymore, and it was time I had my life back. His father and I are not married and have only been together a few years.
.
Very long story short.....

Social Services are now looking at returning my OH to the part of the country he comes from, and where his family are. I am told he no longer has capacity.
I agree with everything that was discussed, but here I am today, he thinks everything is fine, and I know it is all going to end, and he will be 250 miles away from me.

My goodness, this is hard, but the ends justify the means.......

 

[Sarasa]

Hi @maryjoan, that is a drastic move, but sounds a sensible one. I hope his family will keep in touch with you and that you might be able to go and visit. {{{hugs}}}

 

[DesperateofDevon]

My PWD stayed with his son at Christmas. Afterwards the son, who is a wonderful person whom I respect, phoned my local Social Services and said after experiencing caring for his father alone for a week, he felt I should not have to do this anymore, and it was time I had my life back. His father and I are not married and have only been together a few years.
.
Very long story short.....

Social Services are now looking at returning my OH to the part of the country he comes from, and where his family are. I am told he no longer has capacity.
I agree with everything that was discussed, but here I am today, he thinks everything is fine, and I know it is all going to end, and he will be 250 miles away from me.

My goodness, this is hard, but the ends justify the means.......

what a lovely family your PWD has

be kind to yourself
X

 

[Banjomansmate]

Will you be happy if he just disappears out of your life like that or would you prefer it if he ended up in residential care near you? Will he miss you if he is moved several hundred miles away or does he no longer appear to care about you in any way?
I think I remember reading some of your posts where he has been hurtful or unkind to you so you may well be quietly cheering!

 

[wightdancer]

You have already proved you are an angel and even angels wings get tired. You have done him proud now take some time...........especially for you X

 

[northumbrian_k]

There are 2 people to consider here as Banjomansmate has indicated. There may or may not be some benefit in him moving. But you are his family too. If you believe this to be best for both of you that is fine. If not then a more local solution which deals with his needs but enables you to still see him without having to travel hundreds of miles could be better. Are you sure that such a drastic solution that effectively ends your relationship is what you want? I know that you have had a hard time and have been looking for a degree of separation but this seems so final ...

 

[Marnie63]

It's good to read that some progress has been made @maryjoan. I remember some of your earlier posts and could sense that things were very overwhelming for you. I know what that's like, so anything that eases your situation a little is to be welcomed.

In hindsight, I so very much wish I'd had someone to help me with caring for mum, over and above the carer visits (without which I would not have been able to do it). Just someone else in the house, or someone visiting, over and above carers, who could have eased the load a little for me. I regret the times I got frustrated with mum, but I'm only human. It's a ridiculously hard thing to do alone. It sounds like this may be a good solution. Presumably you could still visit?

 

[RosettaT]

It's so very difficult juggling what you would like, what your PWD wants and more importantly needs. I know having some space was something you were working towards but to have him moved so far away puts it in another league. If you are happy to step back and let his son take over the reins then that's absolutely fine but please don't let yourself be pressured into any thing you are not sure about. I hope it all works out for you.

(((hugs)))

 

[maryjoan]

I have discovered that my life has come to an absolute standstill. I am horribly unhappy and seeing him as he is makes me more and more unhappy and sad.
He seems not to care who looks after him and seemingly has no regard for me.

Very strangely, on the occasions when I have been able to take a short break, and we have spoken on the phone, he is much more like the man he used to be.
When we first knew each other we lived 100's of miles apart and spoke daily on the phone, and I am wondering if that long distance relationship is still partially there in the back of his poor old mind. If it is, we would both be happier, for as long as he is able to hang on to the old relationship of me being on the end of the phone - the very few occasions this has happened recently, it has been very precious to me.

But at the end of the day, I have become absolutely ground down with it all, and seeing him slip daily further adrift, and not having any of his family able to help me. I have been caring for him to the detriment of my relationship with own children, and grandchildren.

We have to give this a shot, it might just work, or it might not, in which case we ( meaning his children and me) will regroup and look at other ideas......

 

[RosettaT]

Then I wish you every happiness maryjoan and hope it works out as you wish it too.

 

[karaokePete]

I wish you success with that @maryjoan.

I think this seems to be the solution you have been seeking and it serves no one to carry on and be ground down by it all.

 

[DesperateofDevon]

I have discovered that my life has come to an absolute standstill. I am horribly unhappy and seeing him as he is makes me more and more unhappy and sad.
He seems not to care who looks after him and seemingly has no regard for me.

Very strangely, on the occasions when I have been able to take a short break, and we have spoken on the phone, he is much more like the man he used to be.
When we first knew each other we lived 100's of miles apart and spoke daily on the phone, and I am wondering if that long distance relationship is still partially there in the back of his poor old mind. If it is, we would both be happier, for as long as he is able to hang on to the old relationship of me being on the end of the phone - the very few occasions this has happened recently, it has been very precious to me.

But at the end of the day, I have become absolutely ground down with it all, and seeing him slip daily further adrift, and not having any of his family able to help me. I have been caring for him to the detriment of my relationship with own children, and grandchildren.

We have to give this a shot, it might just work, or it might not, in which case we ( meaning his children and me) will regroup and look at other ideas......

You sound lovely & very exhausted. ((hugs))) & hoping for a more positive outcome
X

 

[jenniferjean]

We have to give this a shot, it might just work, or it might not, in which case we ( meaning his children and me) will regroup and look at other ideas......

Yes, yes, yes. You must give it a shot. It sounds most sensible to me. You must make that 'little bit of doubt' that is lingering in the back of your mind go away.