Double Room ?

[Tilly13]

Hello
I wondered if anyone could kindly share their experiences of both parents with Dementia needing a Care Home.
Mum has Mixed Dementia ( Vas / Alz ) Anxiety/ Agitation / low mood / Psychosis and Dad has Alzheimer's.
I've begun to look at Care Homes and have been able to visit.
As my parents have been together since they were 11 and married 64 years they are each others support and I've been asking about a double room.
Some homes are offering a room where they can both sleep and then another room to be used as a sitting room and with the potential to be used at a later date if needed for one of my parents.
Has anyone else done this ? Does the second room get used at all ?
Other homes are just offering single rooms that I don't think will work - at the moment my parents live at home and sleep together.
It is a big step and I need to get it right.

 

[silkiest]

Hi @Tilly13,
Everyone deteriorates at different speeds and in different ways so it’s very difficult to answer your question. Thinking of double versus single rooms I would be considering how they are physically and mentally-is either of them starting with incontinence- that could lead to the need for separate beds sooner rather than later, does either of them wander or get agitated at night which could cause problems for the other?
A sitting room where they can relax and enjoy each other’s company sounds nice even if it is never needed as a bedroom. Have you asked the homes that offer this why they do it- they could tell you of their past experiences with couples which may help your decision making.

 

[Shedrech]

hi @Tilly13
if it is affordable, the 2 rooms idea sounds good ... though would there be enough space in a room to have 2 beds put together (I doubt a double bed will be available)

do your parents currently use their bedroom only for sleeping and spend the day in their living room; it would replicate this, giving them the option of each being on their own in a room plus time in the shared areas of the home if they wish, and mean that they will be familiar with both rooms should it become sensible for them to sleep separately

I don't remember many homes having double sized rooms when I was looking for dad .... and if you found one, might both parents have to move out should they need to sleep in different rooms

I'd take finances into consideration, too, ie if they are self-financing, how long can that continue and will the home guarantee that both parents will be able to remain in that home should the finances run out

 

[Yankeeabroad]

I’m going through similar. The memory center recommended 2 rooms, in particular due to my mom’s mood swings and escalating physical outlashes against my dad. Two rooms allows the center greater ability to monitor and separate/ distract if necessary. My mom also needs more physical assistance and forgets my dad cannot help her (65 years of help is a hard habit to break). Separate rooms breaks this habit somewhat. The center my mom is in is very social so the extra room (if set up that way) gives couples some alone time. It also allows more room for family visits.

Have you asked your parents what they prefer?
My dad was very adamant he did not want to be in the same room as my mom due to the mood swings and physical problems (incontinence being a big one).

It’s also nice to have the option of separate rooms in the future as situations can change very quickly and you will be assured both parents are accommodated and cared for in the same place.

 

[Tilly13]

Thank you for all your replies - going back to see Dementia Home for a 2nd time that is offering a room to sleep in and then another as a lounge.
All becoming a little more urgent as last two weeks has seen changes