To day my husband messed himself in the middle of the afternoon. while i was cleaning him up he urinated all over me. He also keeps touching his poo and it goes everywhere is this usual. I am disabled and find it very difficult to clean him. Tomorrow i am having a paid carer coming in the morning to wash and dress him. But what about the rest of the day. I tried to get help from Social services but they said we have to pay for our own carers as we have above a certain amount of money. We have paid into nhs all our lives but because we have been careful we are paying the penalty like a lot of other disabled people. sorry to go on but i am feeling so low.
Double incontinent
- Thread starter APPLEANNIE
- Start date
Contact the continence clinic. You may be able to contact them directly, or you may have to go through your GP. They will be able to assess him and supply incontinence pads (although you may have to buy a few more)
I’m sorry you’ve had such an awful afternoon @APPLEANNIE
My dad was incontinent so I know how difficult it is to deal with. I’m not surprised you’re feeling low. I have to admit that dad’s incontinence was what persuaded me to get carers 3 times a day for him. I just couldn’t cope without them.
Dad had to pay too so it took me a long time of struggling to eventually take that decision. It made life much more bearable once I had though.
Have you applied for attendance allowance for your husband? Once you have it you are entitled to a council tax disregard for your husband. It’s worthwhile financially if you haven’t already done it and should pay for several hours of care per week.
My dad was incontinent so I know how difficult it is to deal with. I’m not surprised you’re feeling low. I have to admit that dad’s incontinence was what persuaded me to get carers 3 times a day for him. I just couldn’t cope without them.
Dad had to pay too so it took me a long time of struggling to eventually take that decision. It made life much more bearable once I had though.
Have you applied for attendance allowance for your husband? Once you have it you are entitled to a council tax disregard for your husband. It’s worthwhile financially if you haven’t already done it and should pay for several hours of care per week.
The touching his poo is normal, they lose all "niceties" of normal behaviour - if you think about toddlers who explore their poo it's pretty much the same thing. My father has regular "accidents" with poo (although he's not been medically diagnosed as bowel incontinent) and he will put his hands in it, scrape it from his Tena sheet with his nails, wipe his poopy hands on his face, and worse (you can guess). He absolutely denies any of this has happened and blames his "wet fart" on whatever "rubbish" the day centre gave him or his carers' being unable to cook (he eats microwave meals).
I am sorry you are experiencing this with your father not all dementia patients will touch or smear their feaces perhaps it would help to put a pair of fixers or underpants on top of his pad making it a little more difficult for him to gain access to the contents.My husband is also double incontinent but he seems to go to toilet at the same time each day so I can change him more or less straight away .
hi @APPLEANNIE
an aside really
you say that your husband is self funding because 'WE have above a certain amount'
it may be time to separate out your finances eg you have your own account for any income that is solely yours, your savings and half any currently joint savings ... your husband's care fees should be paid from HIS funds only and assessed on his funds only ie his income, savings and half of any joint savings NOT yours, and your home is disregarded
this may sound mean, but you need to consider your own financial situation and future
here's a link that may help
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/legal-financial/who-pays-care
an aside really
you say that your husband is self funding because 'WE have above a certain amount'
it may be time to separate out your finances eg you have your own account for any income that is solely yours, your savings and half any currently joint savings ... your husband's care fees should be paid from HIS funds only and assessed on his funds only ie his income, savings and half of any joint savings NOT yours, and your home is disregarded
this may sound mean, but you need to consider your own financial situation and future
here's a link that may help
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/legal-financial/who-pays-care
