don't leave me on my own

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by junegl, Nov 4, 2007.

  1. junegl

    junegl Registered User

    Apr 19, 2007
    8
    Buckinghamshire
    This is what my husband says to me all the time. He is in the Dementia ward at a local hospital, has been there for 4 weeks, I was exhausted and the GP found him a bed there , Now the doctor tells me that he can not stay much longer,I must have him home or arrange a care home. Jack is frightened of being on his own, every time I went out of the room he would call. where are you.and at night he would not sleep. It seems that he is doing the same thing at the hospital, they have tried all sorts of tablets but none work. has anyone had this problem and found an answer. Jack is nearly blind and very deaf so this must make things worse. when he was in the hospital some weeks ago he would sometimes settle at night when he was in a ward with others , but in a room on his own he would not settle at all. It is not possible to share with me as I do not sleep too well because of aches and pains, Is there an answer to my problem?
     
  2. BeckyJan

    BeckyJan Registered User

    Nov 28, 2005
    18,972
    Derbyshire
    Hello:

    I am replying more in sympathy as I do not think I can offer much useful advice - sadly!.

    I understand a little of what you say as my husband, who is still at home with me, frequently shows his anxiety if I am to leave him for long.

    Suddenly this very independent person needs me all the time and worries if I leave him, even if it is to go in the garden for 1/2 hr.

    Are the specialists at the hospital helping you at all? - ? do you have CPNs?
    I ask this not knowing what they can do (so far mine have done nothing but maybe the time is to come).

    I do hope you get a better response from others on TP - but just to let you know I am thinking about you.

    Best wishes Beckyjan
     
  3. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,556
    Kent
    Dear June,

    What a distressing problem. For someone blind, nearly deaf and with dementia on top, life must be terrifying.
    You will not find many with a similar problem and I can only suggest you ask the medics for advice.
    I`m really sorry for both of you.

    Love xx
     
  4. Skye

    Skye Registered User

    Aug 29, 2006
    17,000
    SW Scotland
    Dear June, it must be so confusing for your husband. Dementia is hard enough, but when you can't see or hear either, it must be very scary. I'm not surprised he doesn't like to be alone.

    The big question is, do you think you can manage him at home? I was told when John was in hospital that to bring him home, then have to have him admitted to a NH after a few days or weeks would be cruel. Going into care directly from hospital didn't pose any problems, it's just another hospital to him.

    Some care homes have shared rooms, and it might be an idea for you to investigate this before you come to any decision.

    It's a hard one, I agonised for ages over it, and I still constantly feel guilty, but I'm sure it was the only possible decision for us. I was advised by a psychiatric liaison nurse when John was in hospital, and he was wonderfully supportive. It might be worth asking if there is someone similar for you to talk to.

    Love,
     
  5. Taffy

    Taffy Registered User

    Apr 15, 2007
    1,314
    Dear June,

    Sorry no advise to offer, only my sympathy. I hope that someone has a solution for you. Regards Taffy.
     
  6. TinaT

    TinaT Registered User

    Sep 27, 2006
    7,095
    Bolton
    Dear June,

    So sorry for your trouble, it must all be a great worry for you. It is so hard to cope with the childlike dependancy and demands to be with you 24 hours of the day. You have the extra strain of coping with both his mental health and his physical problems. My husband's obsession to be with me at all times was the hardest thing to cope with and totally exhausted me. Ken still has this dependancy and separation anxiety even after being in hosital for almost 5 months but it has got easier for me to leave him as time has gone on and he is beginning to accept that I have to go but I will come back..


    Whilst your husband is still in hospital ask to see a Community Psychiatric Nurse and/or a Mental Helath Psychiatrist and also a social worker. Be very firm and positive that you need to see them, especially the CPN. Tell the CPN all your worries and the problems you face if your husband comes home. Explain his behaviour and how it affects you on a daily basis at home. It may help if you write yourself a little diary of a typical day and relate this to the CPN. The CPN and a social worker have a duty to help you. You are the one who will be on 24 hour/7 day duty caring for your husband so be quite clear what help you need.
    They should be able to give you a number of options.

    I do feel so much for you both in this hard situation. My love and thoughts are with you. xx TinaT
     
  7. Margaret W

    Margaret W Registered User

    Apr 28, 2007
    3,725
    North Derbyshire
    I wish I could help, but I can't. Get all the support you can from the Alzheimers Society, Help the Aged and Age Concern. And keep posting to us on here, cos we will do our best for you.

    Much love

    Margaret
     

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