don't know who to talk to???

Discussion in 'After dementia — dealing with loss' started by ghostdog_u.k, Sep 22, 2007.

  1. ghostdog_u.k

    ghostdog_u.k Registered User

    Feb 25, 2006
    Isle of Wight
    my mum was diagnosed with alzheimers around 5years ago, i have always been close with her. since moving away over 10 years ago, I called every week sending letters etc as the years have gone on the calls have got less and less as mum's attention span has got less and less, due to her illness what makes it worse as I'm her youngest son and all she would say to me is when you gonna get me another granchild. Now I have a child of my own she does not know who I am nor that she has a grandchild it breaks my heart. I drove back to see my mum who is now in a care home with my son and partner and she does not recall anyone we are all complete strangers which completley breaks my heart it is as if she has died, but cannot get over this I only have to see the photo of me and my son with my mum and i am a complete wreck, how can I get my self sorted and get trough this? I try and think of all the good happy memories but it just makes it all worse, but at the same time I dont want to forget her, I love her!!!
  2. christine_batch

    christine_batch Registered User

    Jul 31, 2007
    Hello Ghostdog, Do you have a Alzheimer's Support Group near you ? Not knowing who to talk to you have come to the right place. There are so many supportive people on T.P. you will find it a great source of comfort. I have. Does your Mother have a Social Worker? Where I live our local Alzheimer's Society send out someone to listen, help and advice. Good Luck. Christine
  3. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    Why should you forget your mother? She is not the mother you had, but she is now the mother you have.
    It is heartbreaking for you I know, all you can do is visit as often as you can, talk to her, touch her, hold her hand, and just be there. However `blank` she appears to be, no-one will be able to tell you what she is still able to see, hear or feel.
    And you never know, she might just be comforted by your presence.
    Love xx
  4. Nell

    Nell Registered User

    Aug 9, 2005
    Dear Ghostdog,
    Visit with TP whenever you feel the need for some support. We all know what you are feeling - at some level. Not everyone has a loved one at the stage your Mum is, but we all love and care for those with dementia, so we can understand your feelings.

    Very good advice from Sylvia and from Christine - you need support to get through this. Think about seeing someone (a Counsellor) professionally if you think it could be helpful. It is certainly something that has helped me, and others on TP, come to terms with this dreadful illness.

    In the meantime, do as Sylvia says and spend time with your Mum when you can. It will not be easy but it may be that she will "know" at some level that you are there, and that will bring her comfort.

    Every best wish.
  5. connie

    connie Registered User

    Mar 7, 2004
    Dear Ghostdog, I am so sorry that you feel as you do.

    A very well meaning friend said to me only today "How can you bear to go and see Lionel when he does not recognise you?"

    "Yes it hurts" I replied "but I know who he is" He may no lomger look quite the same, but inside is still my lovely man, as your dear mum inside is the same as she ever was.
  6. janetruth

    janetruth Registered User

    Mar 20, 2007
    hello and welcome to TP

    I hope you will find comfort and support, in the knowledge that rhere are people in similar situations out here who understand some of what you are going through.
    My Mum who lives with us is gradually leaving her body behind ( thats how I see it now ) and the personality change isn't nice.

    But my Mum, will always be my Mum WHATEVER happens to her mind and will be ther for her. As Connie says your loved one might not know who you are but you know who they are.
    If you have happy memories, that is something that will NEVER change.
    I wish you well and come here when you need to talk, there is alwayssomeone out here that is listening.
    Take care
    Janetruth x
  7. nicetotalk

    nicetotalk Registered User

    Sep 22, 2006

    if ever you are feeling low just come on to this site everyone is here to help each outher you can send me a message anytime and i will gladly try to help you in anyway i can you take care


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