Don't know which way to turn


Registered User
Jan 7, 2007
Hi, been reading several of the messages.

My mum was sen by a neurologist in September, and assessed, her score was very low and she looked physically terrible, told she had alzheimers and parkinsons, no treatment given, too early. Then seen by a psychiatrist, who assessed her, score was higher, said she had vascular dementia, no treatment given.

Several things have happened, taken a long time for brother to accept something wrong and mum becoming a danger to herself at home, e.g. leaving as cooker on unlit, not washing (hates getting washed), incontinent of urine, sitting in a flood in the house for over 2 hours and not informing anyone, carer who called found her, fallen in bedroom, not taking medication correctly, not eating (this has been taken over by family).

Seen recetly by another psychiatrist, after having expressed concerns, was told that she 'would not help me in putting my mother away'. Due to the stress, I have now got high blood pressure and anxiety and am on tablets for BP and beta blockers and been told by my GP to stand back more and let others help.

She has carers 3 times a day (for which I had to scream at SS), they are useless at times.

she lives alone and will not consider going anywhere, not even into a bungalow nearer to me. She does not talk to me only to say some unkind words to me, and I wonder at times if the things she does are put on, as she can be so different when my brother is there. I do help her a lot (I work full time to support son who is studying medicine), but am finding it all a strain at the moment. I was cut to the quick by the comments of the psychiatrist. I now don't know what to do, as I feel she has no awareness of risk, but the psychiatrist said that she was capable of making her own decisions, even though she cannot make a meal, only a cup of tea and doesn't know when to get washed, change her clothes, or get anything from the shop except bread and milk (which I have to throw away all the time).

Sometimes I feel that she could cope alone, and then go the next day, and find that everything is a mess and she hasn't had a drink for 4 hours because she didn't realise!


Registered User
Feb 17, 2006

Sounds Just how my mother was 5 years ago before she was given Medication .

has your mother been offerd medication , you should get surport for your son Studying if you earn less the £20,00 a year .

Is he at collage or uni? both way he could get help if your income is under £20, 00 like I said before .


Registered User
Feb 22, 2006
sort of north east ish
hi chants

Welcome to TP! It sounds a very worrying situation to be in. And probably made easier by you sometimes feeling mum could cope alone and sometimes feeling she's at risk. My dad was like that for a while. Sometimes he'd not seem to have a clue what he was doing, other times he'd be remarkably 'with it' (unfortunately this usually co-incided with visit from social worker or GP).

Suggest you and your brother talk to mum's GP and ask for further assessment. It might be worth making a note of your concerns and incidents where you felt mum was at risk, if you haven't already made one.

Are you going to be going back to this psychiatrist again? You might want to make her/him aware of the inappropriateness of his/her words about "putting your mother away". Or you might prefer to talk to PALS or mum's GP about options of seeing a different psychiatrist.


Registered User
Feb 24, 2006
chants said:
Hi, been reading several of the messages.

My mum was sen by a neurologist in September, and assessed, her score was very low and she looked physically terrible, told she had alzheimers and parkinsons, no treatment given, too early.
Even if your mum isn't getting any medication for Alzheimers she should be on medication for the Parkinson's. Maybe she is and you just haven't said?


Registered User
Apr 30, 2006
Hi Chants
welcome to Tp
I notice you are in S yorks......I have found the local Alzheimers society in Sheffield a great help and very supportive
take care

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
Hi Chants, Welcome to Talking Point. As usual, it is always under very distressing circumstances.
Forget what the psychiatrist said. She obviously does not acknowledge your mother is at risk. I would contact the GP and Social Services. Emphasize the danger your mother is in, and as far as leaving a gas cooker unlit, the danger to others.
Now your brother has accepted she needs help, perhaps you could present a united front and approach the services together.
Take care, Sylvia


Registered User
Jan 7, 2007
Hi to all, don't feel as much alone now as I did; feeling frustrated and absolutely at my wits end.

My son is at uni and unfortunately I don't qualify for any financial help, but it is so expensive, and I have to let him follow his ambitions, he is so talented and kind... My mum has not been offered any medication for either dementia or parkinsons, they don't think she is bad enough for either! Sometimes I feel that it is me that is the bad judge, and then I sit and watch her and realise it's not. I feel like walking away, but then realise I cannot, and also when dad was dying, I promised him that I would look after mum, and can't go back on that.....

We had a 'falls assessment' today for mum, done by a nurse - this consisted of a nurse sitting on my mum's settee for an hour, asking her questions and not looking round her house at all, then saying she was going to bring a trolley and a night light for her, help I realise, but not what I was expecting.

The psychiatrist in question, a she, is going to call a case conference, consisting of my brother, auntie, GP, social worker, herself, a CPN we have not seen yet, but no mention of me as yet. If this takes as long as it has taken for a second visit from the psychiatrist, it may happen in the summer!

The care of the elderly in Barnsley, where Mum lives, leaves a lot to be desired, to say the least.

When I did assessments, at least we watched, looked, listened, questioned, asked them to perform tasks, ... not today they just talk and fill in forms.

Has anyone else experienced a 'falls assessment', and if so what did they do?

As it has been said, my mums 'good days' seems to coincide with the visits from one of the professionals. I am going to keep a diary of what happens, (thanks for that), as at present it is all in my head, thanks for listening and advising, it has been a great help. I have no doubt I shall be back for more help and advise. Thank you to all. :)


Registered User
Feb 24, 2006
My mother had a falls assessment, I think that was last February. They asked "have you had a fall since last time we saw you?" "No." Have you seen a doctor since last time ...?" "No." Both untrue. I was in the next room and came in and corrected her, but of course they weren't really interested in distinguishing between her fantasies and what really happened.