Dont know where to start..............

Discussion in 'Memory concerns and seeking a diagnosis' started by Ezee_1979, May 25, 2015.

  1. Ezee_1979

    Ezee_1979 Registered User

    May 25, 2015
    3
    Swindon
    So i shall try with the beginning! and will apologise if it goes on a little

    Toward the end of January my Dad complained of severe leg pain which was most unusual for Dad as far as I can remember he had never had a day off sick yet here he was unable to go to work as he was living about 2 hours away i nagged him for about 2 weeks about going to the doctor which he eventually did and it seemed as if he was making progress with his GP and the hospital local to him he was told that he had an issue with his vascular system and the leg cramps he had first experienced some 9 months previously were the first sign of this.

    over the course of the next 2-3 weeks Dad inverted into himself and it was obvious that he had spent most of his time in bed but was pretending he had been up and about (i am extremely close to my Dad it was just me and thee from when i was 9 - 18 moving all over the country having an adventure) and then started to notice some issues with his memory regarding appointments this all culminated in me having to call the police (101) one friday night for them to check he was okay after a call every 15 minutes for about 12 hours (work were not that amused) and approximately 2 minutes after calling 101 and crying down the phone (the first time i had cried in about 25 years!) Dad called back to say he had been having a nap what were all the missed calls about!!!(and breathe)

    I drove the 2 hours the following morning to see Dad and make sure he was as fine as he was telling me, I found Dad in a state he looked like my Grandad had in the final throws of his battle with Cancer, he had obviously not been eating his weight was approximately 7 stone which is about a loss of 4 stone on speaking to him his memory was fragmented at best. I put some clothes in a suitcase and moved him in with myself my wife and my three year old.

    in the 10 weeks we have been on this journey Dad has been referred to the memory clinic, but the doctor isnt sure or at least does not want to commit to a diagnosis.

    My Dad is intermittenty MY DAD he is paranoid quite alot, displays child like behaviour if left awake and alone for more than an hour, he says things which can leave me baffled and bewildered or scared of what he is likely to do or frightened for my family.

    At present we are receiving no financial help Dad cannot work and his former place of work have cancelled his contract, he currently receives no benefits which is probably down to my pride and ignorance in all honesty. we have got a PIP form? which seems like it was designed to frighten people out of filling it out.

    With both my wife and myself being employed full time(i work days and she works evenings generally but sometimes it is necessary for her to work an afternoon shift) we have no choice than to leave him on his own sometimes and I honestly dread what I will come home too.

    when i challenge dad about his behaviour when he is being more normal he says he does not remember.
    In all honesty this is breaking my heart any help or advice would be muchly appreciated I really just want my dad to be happy and im concerned that im not equipped to provide him with the care or mental stimulation he requires

    Thank you for sticking with my meandering post!!
     
  2. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    11,728
    Female
    London
    Oh poor you, how overwhelming. You definitely need help.

    I would start with organisations like Alzheimer's Society, Age UK or the Carers Centre. They can help with filling any forms in or do a benefits check. They can point you towards groups your dad could attend or provide you with sitting service (we get quite a few hours with Age UK).

    You can also contact social services and ask for a needs assessment. They could for example provide you with day care during the day or a tracker device so you could check where he is when you are at work.

    Lastly, try not to challenge him about his behaviour if he is clearly not remembering it. There is a much-posted article here about compassionate communication with the memory-impaired: http://forum.alzheimers.org.uk/show...ionate-Communication-with-the-Memory-Impaired

    Best of luck.
     
  3. Ezee_1979

    Ezee_1979 Registered User

    May 25, 2015
    3
    Swindon
    Thank you the article is brilliant and has really made me think about my own behaviours.

    Many thanks for the advice it is appreciated.
     
  4. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    10,712
    Female
    South coast
  5. Ezee_1979

    Ezee_1979 Registered User

    May 25, 2015
    3
    Swindon
    Thank you that is really helpful:)
     

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