My mum is not going into rooms with a TV because she thinks the people on the TV can see her. She will only step into the room with a TV if she's "ready". It has gotten to the point where I find myself upset that she doesn't understand they are no in the house and I hate myself for this. She is undiagnosed... still trying to get her in to see a doctor. I'm not sure what to do and I feel terrible as her daughter and caregiver for becoming upset with her for believing the people on the TV can see her.
Don't know what to do...
- Thread starter Shuburger
- Start date
It is very, very difficult to see things from the perspective of someone who doesn’t have a handle on reality - how can anyone fathom out the unfathomable? Stop beating yourself up, and try to gain some kind understanding of the other person who is suffering - you!
Even though I am starting to understand WHY my mum does strange things, I often am surprised again and again, and just forget that this is the new reality, it is here to stay, and I have to deal with my own grief, often whilst being Happy Clappy when I just want to cry.
Even though I am starting to understand WHY my mum does strange things, I often am surprised again and again, and just forget that this is the new reality, it is here to stay, and I have to deal with my own grief, often whilst being Happy Clappy when I just want to cry.
Hi @shulberger and welcome to Dementia Talking Point. This is a very supportive community and you'll get lots of help and advice here.
I know the thinking people on TV are interacting with you is a common feature of some people's dementia. I didn't notice it with my mum as she didn't watch TV that often due to her poor eyesight, and it's not something that she's mentioned since she's been in care. She did seem to think Gene Kelly and Donald O'Connor in Singing in the Rain were really performing for us when we watched a bit of it on the big screen in her home, but she enjoyed it and wasn't scared. That doesn't really help your dilemma, though. I wonder if this thread Compassionate Communication with the Memory Impaired might help. If your mum is getting upset maybe tell the people off on the TV, send them away and change the subject. Offers of tea and cake can sometimes help.
Please don't think you are being a 'bad' daughter, you are doing a brilliant job looking after your mum, and the current covid circumstances have made that so much more difficult than it was. I think you need to be chasing up a diagnosis for your mum, but also some help for yourself. I think contacting the support line on 0333 150 3456 and dementia.connect@alzheimers.org.uk would be a good idea to talk through your options.
Now that you've found us, keep posting,
I know the thinking people on TV are interacting with you is a common feature of some people's dementia. I didn't notice it with my mum as she didn't watch TV that often due to her poor eyesight, and it's not something that she's mentioned since she's been in care. She did seem to think Gene Kelly and Donald O'Connor in Singing in the Rain were really performing for us when we watched a bit of it on the big screen in her home, but she enjoyed it and wasn't scared. That doesn't really help your dilemma, though. I wonder if this thread Compassionate Communication with the Memory Impaired might help. If your mum is getting upset maybe tell the people off on the TV, send them away and change the subject. Offers of tea and cake can sometimes help.
Please don't think you are being a 'bad' daughter, you are doing a brilliant job looking after your mum, and the current covid circumstances have made that so much more difficult than it was. I think you need to be chasing up a diagnosis for your mum, but also some help for yourself. I think contacting the support line on 0333 150 3456 and dementia.connect@alzheimers.org.uk would be a good idea to talk through your options.
Now that you've found us, keep posting,
@Shuburger please don't feel terrible for getting upset - it's natural to get frustrated with someone you've known for a long time when they start behaving erratically and even with diagnoses and support, it doesn't take away the sense of grief and anger at the fact this condition exists in the first place.
Is there anyone in TV that your mother finds friendly that she wouldn't mind "joining her" in the room? For example, you could establish a "friendship" with, say, Philip Schofield? If you have Sky+ (or similar) then you can record suitable programmes to get her into the room until she feels ready to change channels
Is there anyone in TV that your mother finds friendly that she wouldn't mind "joining her" in the room? For example, you could establish a "friendship" with, say, Philip Schofield? If you have Sky+ (or similar) then you can record suitable programmes to get her into the room until she feels ready to change channels
I don't have a solution to this other than to say that you will need to accept it as a current part of her behaviour. Try not to make anything of it or beat yourself up over your reaction to it. These things happen with dementia, sometimes hang around for quite a while or sometimes are short lived. My wife would ask "who is he?" if she thought someone on TV was in the room. She had been to every place that appeared on the news or travel programmes. She stopped enjoying property shows as she thought that meant that she had to move home. Yet she would watch a period drama. Films with plenty of comedy action or animation seemed to carry no threat. Old shows in black and white also seemed to get her interest. It may be worth finding out if there are particular things on TV that your mum doesn't like. Avoid them where possible and look for things that she finds less threatening. Don't look for rationality where there is none.
These phases do seem to be temporary in my experience. At an early part of his diagnosis my husband wakened up every single morning and asked which property we were looking at that day. He believed we owned land and property all over the world from Australia to Ireland and that we were either buying or selling. This was so absurd that I usually laughed but it was very real to him. I think it lasted some months and then stopped and moved on to some other nonsense.
My dad used to make cups of tea and food for the people on the TV and he would get very frustrated and annoyed when they wouldn't listen to him or they just talked too much. He really thought they were in the room with him and often when I would call him and his TV was on to loud I would try to ask him to turn it down but he would say things like, I can't do that it's rude, but then complain about them.
It did actually come in very handy though because I also couldn't get my dad to go to see the GP and after a few incidents that I won't go into here, I managed to get his GP to do a telephone consultation with me. I explained everything to him and he agreed to do a home visit but in a weeks time. The GP did say though that he would have to ring my dad to tell him this. I said that was fine. Five minutes later the GP called me back asking if I could get to my dads now as he was very concerned about his mental wellbeing and wanted to see him straight away and had the psych team on standby. It turned out, the GP asked my dad to turn his TV down and dad started rambling about the people being in his house etc. It actually did me a huge favour as this triggered the process for getting my dad diagnosed with Advanced Dementia and all visits; Dementia Team, Occupational Health, consultants etc visited him in his home.
All you can do I'm afraid with regards the TV, is play along with it and distract or try to avoid certain channels. My dad found a programme about Bailiffs coming taking things away from peoples houses. I kept getting phone calls from him telling me he had to leave his house and they were taking everything.
It did actually come in very handy though because I also couldn't get my dad to go to see the GP and after a few incidents that I won't go into here, I managed to get his GP to do a telephone consultation with me. I explained everything to him and he agreed to do a home visit but in a weeks time. The GP did say though that he would have to ring my dad to tell him this. I said that was fine. Five minutes later the GP called me back asking if I could get to my dads now as he was very concerned about his mental wellbeing and wanted to see him straight away and had the psych team on standby. It turned out, the GP asked my dad to turn his TV down and dad started rambling about the people being in his house etc. It actually did me a huge favour as this triggered the process for getting my dad diagnosed with Advanced Dementia and all visits; Dementia Team, Occupational Health, consultants etc visited him in his home.
All you can do I'm afraid with regards the TV, is play along with it and distract or try to avoid certain channels. My dad found a programme about Bailiffs coming taking things away from peoples houses. I kept getting phone calls from him telling me he had to leave his house and they were taking everything.
