To cut a long story short, Mum was diagnosed with mixed dementia about two and a half years ago. Just over a year ago, on the advice of the Memory Clinic, we asked SS to assess her as she had stopped looking after herself, although of course, she says she's fine and can look after herself perfectly well. Anyway, SS decided that she needed 2 care visits a day to oversee the taking of meds, to be there while she showered (in case she fell) to get her a meal etc etc etc. She has continued to deteriorate, although she won't have it, and is still convinced she is looking after herself (she isn't). The carers have tried and tried, used every trick in the book to get her to comply, I've tried everything I can think of, but it's just not working. The worse she gets the more she fights against her carers. I'm now getting regular calls from the carers saying she is refusing to let them prepare her a meal, refusing to get up, won't shower, the bungalow reeks of urine (I know all this, of course, from my visits, and having stayed with her for 2 months over the winter). Two calls yesterday evening and then this morning. Apparently she has been in bed for the last 3 days, doesn't seem to have eaten or drunk much, says she's "had a bad night" (stock answer when she refuses to get up!). I phoned and asked if she wasn't feeling well, and got the usual answers that she was fine, that she didn't get up because "it made it seem like such a long day" (another stock answer). Swears she's been eating when and what she wanted, that she showers or has a strip wash every day etc etc etc. I'm sure that she thinks all this is the gospel truth, and anyone who doesn't know her would think the same, she is very plausible. I almost believe her myself! I'm sure that the carers aren't making it up (why would they?) and I'm just about at the end of my tether - I just don't know how to handle this any more. Mum got really stroppy with me on the phone (and I don't blame her really) saying that she wasn't allowed to do what she wanted. I tried to explain that all I wanted was to keep her from getting ill, and to keep her at home for as long as possible. I think we are going to have to back off, because I'm really afraid that she's going to refuse the carers completely, and then there will be nobody checking going in to her at all. If anyone has any ideas on how we get her to accept the help being offered, or even to get her to accept that she needs it, I'd be eternally grateful. Thanks for reading!