don't know what to do next


Registered User
Jan 8, 2007
my first time posting not sure if this is right way to do it but here goes, i have been reading posts on tp for a while and it has helped me cope thank you, any advice would be welcomed, my mam has suffered alzhimers for probably 8 years,she lives on her own. the first years we just got on with things, i have her at my home every day apart from one when my relative take her,my problem is she is now at a stage where she has no short term memory at all, cannot make anything to eat, doesnt wash thinks she is fine,will not go to any centre or have anyone in to help.her oven washer microwave are all disconnected for her safety
when i take her home at night she HATES to stay in so goes along the local pub,often sittin by herself, and she doesnt lock door. social worker was good at first trying to help but mam is awkward to help so seems to have backed off,,don,t want to go on and on but my dilema is family members and friends now think it is time mam was looked after in a home, but the only way this will happen is to be sectioned,what frightens me is the fact that she can be very aware of what is going on while at other times completely confused and i know it would be a dreadful time for her, i need the help of other people to look after her and know in my heart they are right but how can i do it? any advice appreciated


Registered User
Jun 3, 2005
Hi JJ,

I'm so sorry to hear of the deterioration in your Mum, it's heart breaking isn't it.

I think your Mum needs to be seen by her Social Worker, Doctor or the Community Psychiatric Nurse.
Don't accept that just because the going got tough the SW gave up, that's not acceptable.
Try to get her to come back as the situation has changed and your Mum is putting herself at risk.

You've got nothing to lose, have you. As things stand, no one is helping you & Mum. If you push for a bit of action, you won't be losing anything, and just might get some support.

Best wishes


Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
Yes I would also so say call social worker again .

One way around it that help me get help for my mother was to say to her, it was me that needed the help , it is hard I know seeing them not washing neglecting themselves , when you know they is so much support out there to keep them at home if only they would except it .

Its up to you now to ask for that help from social worker, in my area we do not have a Community Psychiatric Nurse for people with AZ , it all come under what they call it now the dementia nurse, my social worker put me in contact with her and she came around for one day a week for a mouth , but then after that your just left to get one with it, but any more help with caring needs social worker for the elderly sort it out .

I don’t think that its so much to do with hate staying in , more like hate being alone so go to the pub for company , as when my lived alone when my father died she would always want to sleep at my house , back then I did not know she had AZ . every one different so I could be wrong.

I know they say that people with dementia AZ Lose that ability to see how hard the caring needs are on the carer , but even thought my mother is in the late stages but with good medication that lucky is working for her , she now seem to understand the stress I am under caring for her, they was a time my mother would not go to respite , get any help it was just unheard of . now she tell me to put her in a care home . when she see how snappy I get with her lately , I am also recognizing it to when its gets all on top of me .

So I have book 3 weeks respite , it is all so confusing understanding this disease and to sad for words


You need lots of perseverance, determination, depending what care you want for you mother its does get you down alone the way , but you somehow pick yourself up find TP ;) get that motivation back .
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Registered User
Jan 4, 2006
Hiya j.j.
Welcome to TP.
i need the help of other people to look after her and know in my heart they are right but how can i do it?
As the others have said, you need to involve the GP and Social Worker. You can do it because you need to protect your mum. As Margarita says, naybe you need to try and catch mum when she is more aware, and say how much better you would feel if you knew that she was safe.
Let us know how you get on.
Love Helen

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