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Don't know what to do need help

Discussion in 'I have a partner with dementia' started by christmas, Jan 20, 2016.

  1. christmas

    christmas Registered User

    Apr 27, 2014
    206
    Leicestershire
    I am just lost Peter just can't understand a word I say, I speak really slow but he just comes out with words that don't make sense, I don't know what to do he ask me something but God knows what it is and I just say yes or no witch ever tone it's in ,I want to talk to him about things that happen I know he won't be bothered but I can't just take no notice of him, he would just sit there witch makes me feel so sad, bless him he just don't know where he is anymore has anyone got any ides ,what I could do. Christmas X
     
  2. Shedrech

    Shedrech Volunteer Moderator

    Dec 15, 2012
    8,027
    Yorkshire
    Hi Christmas
    is this new? could he have a UTI - worth checking

    I don't get much from my dad these days - but I just chortle on to him whatever I want to say, tell him about the birds I've seen on the bird feeders and such - he seems to like me chatting and smiles at appropriate moments so he's getting some of what I say - I just talk normally but if I want a reaction, I make sure he's looking at me so he knows I'm speaking to him not just background chattering

    it's unbearably sad, I agree - I'm sure your husband does get comfort from your voice and from your responses to him, though

    sometimes when dad's trying to say something, I take a guess and say 'is this what you mean ...?' so he can say yes or no - would this work? - I do stop if he seems to be getting frustrated with me, and go back to comforting noises - and sometimes his body language gives me clues about what he's saying

    not much help, sorry
     
  3. christmas

    christmas Registered User

    Apr 27, 2014
    206
    Leicestershire
    Thank you it is help to me no matter how small I am still learning about this , I am really trying but sometimes I just don't know what I am doing he has had it 6 years now but since Christmas he has gone right down but sometimes we do laugh when he says things I ask him if it's a flim or a play I know he don't understand but he does laugh X
     
  4. Beate

    Beate Registered User

    May 21, 2014
    11,714
    Female
    London
    #4 Beate, Jan 20, 2016
    Last edited: Jan 21, 2016
    My OH is like yours. He barely speaks anymore, as he's lost his word-finding ability and it's easier for him just to say nothing. It's a natural progression of the illness and in his case has nothing to do with an infection. He says yes and no and repeats phrases I say or he hears on TV, but that's it. I had to adjust to that and it's hard when I sometimes don't even get an answer to "good bye" or "sleep well". I still chat to him and talk him through everything I ask him to do like brushing his teeth, and I do make comforting noises when he's trying to say something but can't. But often we just sit on the sofa in companiable silence watching TV cuddled up. I think as long as he still feels he is involved in my life he'll be ok. He's certainly happy enough and often giggles at things I say or do, especially bodily functions so I try to exaggerate them when they happen. (I can just see it now, you're going to say to a friend: "This woman on TP told me to fart more!" :eek: :D)

    I just had to accept that his storytelling days are over and I have to turn to friends if I want adult conversation. When I see my counsellor, it's like floodgates open and I talk nearly non-stop for an hour!
     
  5. christmas

    christmas Registered User

    Apr 27, 2014
    206
    Leicestershire
    Thank you we do the same has you, it makes him laugh and if I can do that I am happy ,I am taking him to the doctor's just to make sure it's not anything bad ,this illness frightens me I have never been good with this but I am leaning, I have to look after him I am so glad I found to you all I don't feel alone anymore Christmas xxx
     
  6. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    69,578
    Kent
    Hello christmas

    I`m really sorry you are having such a struggle. It seems some people with dementia lose the ability to speak and understand while others keep some language right until the end.

    Losing language is I think the most difficult symptom to live with for there`s no way of making needs known and both the carer and the one being cared for live in isolation.

    It`s good to hear your husband seems relatively contented. I have know of people whose frustration makes them angry.

    This illness is frightening but you are among friends here who all understand the situation you are in even if they haven`t experienced it personally.
     

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