Don't know what to do for the best, really need some advice please

Discussion in 'End of life care' started by mackie, Apr 4, 2015.

  1. mackie

    mackie Registered User

    Feb 9, 2015
    29
    My mum has been in hospital for 8 weeks now after a fall. She developed sepsis and started to have seizures which were quite severe. The sepsis is now gone and medication is keeping the seizures under control. The trouble is that she will not eat and drink very much and the consultant has asked for a meeting to discuss stopping all medication and IV drip overnight. The thing is over the last two days she has improved due to two nurses taking the time with her to eat and drink more and she was sat up in bed chatting today. We are meeting the consultant on Tuesday and unfortunately the two nurses are now off for a couple of days. I think she will go downhill again which means that the consultant will see her after she has deteriorated again. I don't want to see her suffer any longer than she has to but am a bit worried about what to do. Has anyone else been in this situation? I would appreciate some advice. Thanks.
     
  2. stanleypj

    stanleypj Registered User

    Dec 8, 2011
    10,561
    North West
    This sort of situation is so difficult and I feel for you. If two nurses are able to get your mum to eat and drink and this has produced an improvement it would seem rather perverse to even consider, at this point, what the consultant is suggesting. The treatment that is working (of course you know it won't alter the final outcome) should be maintained by whoever - the absence of two particular nurses should not enter into it.

    If the meeting goes ahead you should certainly explain the current position.

    Take care.
     
  3. mackie

    mackie Registered User

    Feb 9, 2015
    29
    You would think that the same standard of care would continue but unfortunately it doesn't. Thanks for your advice, I will do what is best for Mum but it is so difficult when you are on a permanent rollercoaster.
     
  4. CollegeGirl

    CollegeGirl Registered User

    Jan 19, 2011
    9,535
    North East England
    Please forgive me if this is not appropriate, but the first thing that sprang to mind is for you to take a video of your mum sitting up and chatting, to show the consultant just what these two dedicated nurses achieved with their care.

    Then, if she does deteriorate again, you will at least have evidence to back up your argument for continuing with the meds.

    Good luck.
     
  5. mackie

    mackie Registered User

    Feb 9, 2015
    29
    Thank you, didn't think of that - good idea. They are both back in on Tuesday so I will ask the consultant to leave for a few days so he can also see the improvement.
     
  6. WIFE

    WIFE Registered User

    May 23, 2014
    857
    WEST SUSSEX
    Thinking of you today Mackie - how did the meeting go with the Consultant. I had a thought - probably too late - but surely your Mother's improvement once the Nurses persuaded her to eat and drink a little was documented in her notes? When my husband was in hospital for six days a few months before he died - intake of food and drink, and output were charted regularly. Do hope you have had a satisfactory outcome for your Mum.
     
  7. mackie

    mackie Registered User

    Feb 9, 2015
    29
    Well today was not too bad, thanks for asking. The consultant is pleased that she is drinking and eating more but the future prognosis is not great. As she is still very weak, it looks like a couple of months at best. We have agreed to move her to a nursing home asap so that she can get the best care in her last months. I hope we have made the right decision but I do not want her to stay in hospital any longer as it has become a bit depressing. I have agreed that unless she has any more seizures she will not be resubmitted to hospital. Again, I hope this is the right decision. It is so hard when you just want the best for your mum but have to face the reality of the situation. Fingers crossed!
     
  8. mackie

    mackie Registered User

    Feb 9, 2015
    29
    Lost my beautiful mum today

    Well after all the issues with mum in hospital and then moving to a nursing home yesterday, we lost her this morning. It was quick but I am devastated that I was not there with her. She was happy this morning and had her breakfast and then suddenly passed away. I have said goodbye to her at the home and just hope that the pain will ease at some point. I know I was not on talking point for long but had some really helpful advice and will come back on later to offer others advice and support. Rest in peace mum.
     
  9. stanleypj

    stanleypj Registered User

    Dec 8, 2011
    10,561
    North West
    So sorry to hear this sad news mackie. You clearly did everything you could to support her and it sounds as though she 'died happy' which is all we can hope for.

    I hope and believe you will continue to find support on TP and it is very good to know that you are planning to stay around and help others.
     
  10. jaymor

    jaymor Volunteer Moderator

    Jul 14, 2006
    12,244
    Female
    England
    So sorry to hear of your sad loss Mackie, thinking of you and your dear Mum and wishing you strength for the days and weeks to come.
     
  11. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    68,718
    Kent
    I'm so sorry mackie.
     
  12. brambles

    brambles Registered User

    Sep 22, 2014
    226
    Female
    NW England
    So very sorry.
    Brambles x
     
  13. Lindy50

    Lindy50 Registered User

    Dec 11, 2013
    5,287
    Cotswolds
    I'm so sorry to hear this mackie

    You did everything possible for your mum and at least you know she was happy this morning, and is no longer suffering x

    Sending you strength and peace at this difficult time

    Lindy xx
     
  14. Essie

    Essie Registered User

    Feb 11, 2015
    566
    So sorry to hear that mackie. Do take comfort that she went quickly, harder for you I know but so much better for your dear Mum. And though your pain is now great there is no more pain for your Mum.
     
  15. Roses40

    Roses40 Registered User

    Jan 25, 2015
    473
    manchester
    So sorry for your loss, love rose x
     
  16. Pickles53

    Pickles53 Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    2,482
    Radcliffe on Trent
    Very sad to hear this news, my deepest sympathy to you and your family.
     
  17. Izzy

    Izzy Volunteer Moderator

    Aug 31, 2003
    58,756
    Female
    Dundee
    I'm so sorry to read of your loss. Sending my condolences.
     
  18. Spamar

    Spamar Registered User

    Oct 5, 2013
    6,844
    Suffolk
    Very sad to hear about the loss of your mother.
     
  19. mackie

    mackie Registered User

    Feb 9, 2015
    29
    Thank you all for your kind messages, they have been a comfort at this difficult time. x
     
  20. Cat27

    Cat27 Volunteer Moderator

    Feb 27, 2015
    9,768
    Merseyside
    I'm so sorry for your loss xx
     

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