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Don't know what to do. Dad's aggression

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by uktoday, Jul 18, 2015.

  1. uktoday

    uktoday Registered User

    Jan 2, 2013
    39
    Hi

    Currently visiting parents. Dad just ran upstairs and attacked mum while she was asleep.

    He is calmed down now but keeps saying he wants her dead.

    He is sleeping in the lounge now but agitated and aggressive towards mum who does nothing but look after him.

    How long should this go on before we put him in home? Also what is the process?
    Shall I call the police?

    No other family as I am an only child and rest of family 100 miles away.

    Any advice would be appreciated.
     
  2. JayGun

    JayGun Registered User

    Jun 24, 2013
    298
    I would tell the police lovely. Is he on any medication to try and reduce the aggression?
     
  3. jenniferpa

    jenniferpa Volunteer Moderator

    Jun 27, 2006
    39,439
    Ok your father has dementia, so it's not his fault but it sounds to me as if your mother is in real danger, and it's not her fault either.

    In the short term I think you need to persuade her (and I'm sure that she will need persuasion) that she needs 1) a safe room with a lock 2) a cell phone on her at all times. Her bedroom (are they sharing the same room?) needs a lock as well. If they are sharing the same room, I think perhaps they shouldn't be at this time.

    You need to convince her that it totally acceptable and no shame AT ALL to call the police if he is like this: sadly it might take such an intervention to get him the help that he needs. On a long term basis: what sort of contact doesn't he have with memory clinics and the like? Because it's possible that medication might be an option, and that would allow him to stay at home longer.

    What I can tell you is that if you and your mother don't get help now, he is far more likely to be going into care sooner than later.
     
  4. uktoday

    uktoday Registered User

    Jan 2, 2013
    39
    Hi

    Thanks for your replies.

    He had been diagnosed and he takes medicine though he refuses to acknowledge there is anything wrong with him.

    We manage to get him to take his tablets by saying they are for his blood pressure. Otherwise he wouldnt take them.

    He had a recent very very aggressive episode while on holiday recently which went on a number of days. Again began in the evening. (Dad used to be a singer doing the clubs). He blames mum for him not doing singing jobs. After the last aggressive period I thought we needed to call police on our return but managed to get him a docs appointment. Doc said just to keep an eye on him.

    He has been fine until again last night. I still haven't slept as I have been dreading him coming upstairs and attacking mum. He's just come upstairs and into their bedroom and so far it seems he has gone to sleep. But he is very very menacing.

    Mum is his sole carer but he can be very cruel to her verbally and intimidating.

    I'm concerned if police come and then don't take him it will wind him up more and we are left with ano even worse situation.

    If they do take him I think that would need to be it as if he ever came home again he would again take it out on mum.

    It's terrifying. What to do?

    We can't get respite as again he thinks there is nothing wrong with him. Meer mention of dementia and he kicks off threatening mum with divorce etc etc.
     

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