Don't know if I'm doing the right thing.

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Emomam, Nov 20, 2014.

  1. halojones

    halojones Registered User

    May 7, 2014
    438
    I like the sound of your care home, can I go on the waiting list please:D Like you say, a CH is not a negative, far from it, what would happen if we don't have them..I am sure it is just a few that are not good, while all the great ones are working away and not getting any recognition or praise...Our folks need 24hr wraparound, professional care, so this is what is provided... if I cannot look after myself in the future, then I would happily go to a care home, .Your mum is quite happy, so don't let others judge.....you have done so well, take care xxx
     
  2. caring a

    caring a Registered User

    Mar 1, 2014
    132
    yes i second those coments,,,
    its the easiest thing for them on the outside to judge,they say,,,been put in a care home,,,,its not case weve put anything,,its we have had to make a dammed hard choice what we think best for our loved 1s,,,,
    your mum sounds really happy and thats down to YOU and your caring,,,,well done and be proud:eek::eek:
     
  3. Emomam

    Emomam Registered User

    Nov 13, 2014
    116
    Yorkshire
    #43 Emomam, Dec 21, 2014
    Last edited: Dec 21, 2014
    Well this is week 4 of mum being in the care home and it really has gone so much better than I had hoped.

    I took mum out on Tuesday to the chiropractor who happens to be a good friend and then went for coffee and a cake. Again she took everything in her stride and had a lovely time. Even chose another Xmas present for herself.

    Also had the family Xmas/Sunday lunch at a pub. I had asked if she could be ready for 12.15 and there she was shoes on hair done and raring to go. She managed to eat very well including salmon and a mini sherry trifle and s gin and tonic.

    Towards the end you could see she was getting tired and a bit confused but it was just starting to get dark.

    Took her back to the CH where the other residents greeted her like a long lost friend and she was fine. Don't think she will eat anything else today though.

    I know I made the right decision and life is so much better for both of us. Mum says she feels free. I think she means that she can be herself and that's all I could wish for.




    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  4. Hibni

    Hibni Registered User

    Sep 16, 2013
    46
    So glad that you had a good day and that you know that you made the right decision having got your Mum into a good CH.
     
  5. Emomam

    Emomam Registered User

    Nov 13, 2014
    116
    Yorkshire
    Well Xmas day at the care home is fantastic. Mum received a present from the CH of shower and bath products and a wash scrunchy. The tables had all been put together and there was Buck's Fizz, crackers and full blown Xmas dinner. We visited just before dinner and there were lots of other visitors and a great atmosphere.

    Mum was very happy. Only downside was my sister not turning up as arranged do we could all be together on Christmas Day for a while. She did got in the afternoon though.

    My first ever Xmas dinner with mum but it was ok.

    Hope it continues this way for a long time to come.




    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  6. halojones

    halojones Registered User

    May 7, 2014
    438
    I am pleased to hear that your Xmas day went well, and that your mum is happy and at peace...The CH sounds lovely, how sweet that they all adore your mum....I hope you can also feel at peace as you are doing so well, be proud of yourself....xxx
     
  7. Emomam

    Emomam Registered User

    Nov 13, 2014
    116
    Yorkshire
    I read a lot of the posts on tp and speak to the family members at the ch and I know that me and mum have been fortunate. Mum has improved at the ch and I've said before feels free. Her dementia has been very slow to progress and she still has her communication. We estimate that her dementia started in 2001 but wasn't diagnosed until 2008. It too a massive dive after several UTI's about two years ago followed by an operation. She is very easy going and easy to look after just doesn't sleep at night and repeats herself constantly. I looked after her for 4.5 years and at times thought it was me that was going mad.

    Sometimes it's best to take a step back. I now have my mum back for a bit longer. Just wish I could wave a magic wand and help everyone else.

    Please everyone take care of your own health as well as the person you care for. It's so important




    Sent from my iPhone using Talking Point
     
  8. caring a

    caring a Registered User

    Mar 1, 2014
    132
    emo ..great to hear mum doing ok,,and you do wave a majic wand in letting us know that sometimes carehomes can be the correct step forward,,,
    my dear mum is i feel on borderline now where i need to asscess my position,i hate to feel im bet,but sometimes sadly you just are with az,,
    xxx
     
  9. Emomam

    Emomam Registered User

    Nov 13, 2014
    116
    Yorkshire
    Well its the middle of January and we are still doing ok at the home. Just about every resident got the Xmas cough including mum and myself, which resulted in a course of antibiotics and a bit more confusion.

    sometimes it does get a bit like a school playground. I visited her yesterday to find her in bed at 11.00am. She said she was scared and felt that she'd done something really wrong and that she was a bad person. Couldn't make head nor tale of it u til I spoke to one of the care assistance who said that she had seen one of the other residents shouting at mum. She tends to spend most of the day walking up and down the corridor outside mums room singing or whistling. No idea what happened really but they had words and then mum took herself off to bed.

    After a bit of gentle coaxing I got her up and into the dinning room and told her she was a lovely person.

    Tea and biscuits turned her back into a happy smiling mum again.

    You just never know what the day will bring.
     

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