Seconding & thirding Jan & Wife. I fought to the last to keep my husband at home too - I was determined he was not going to go into full time care. I really thought he couldn't get as good care as I could give him. But I finally had to give in this time last year, and apply for funding for full time care for him - though it was September before the funding came through and he got a place. He deteriorated so fast last year at home, it was unbelievable, and to be honest, had he remained at home, I doubt he would have survived until Christmas! Refusing to eat enough, refusing to drink, refusing to take his medication, refusing personal care, not having his pads changed, not being cleaned etc. Not to mention his aggression. The change in him since he went to full time care is beyond belief - his health improved because he was eating & drinking. He was taking his medication without a murmur. He had no objection to the staff changing him, washing him, dressing him - the uniforms & slightly clinical atmosphere made a difference for him. And of course, it's made a difference to me too. I'm getting more than an hour or two sleep at a time. I'm no longer having to lift someone who weighs approx. 70lbs more than I do, several times a day. I'm not stressed out about whether he's eaten, drank, taken his meds, going to hit me, going to become ill, going to fall again - and what if the ambulance can't come immediately to lift him off the floor this time?
None of us choose residential care for our loved ones. It comes when we realise that they actually need a better level of care than we on our own can provide. In an ideal world, we would be able, maybe, to provide that level of care while still keeping them at home. It's not an ideal world though. And to tell you the truth - from where we are now, I can clearly see that even the environment of the nursing home is better for my husband. Safer. It has wide, spacious corridors, no steps to negotiate, plenty of light, doesn't even have door straddles for him to stumble on!
It's a bit early days yet, maybe Di65 - maybe an extra day or two in Daycare would make all the difference to you, at least for another while. But you know - forewarned is forearmed. This is the time to be gathering knowledge and information, so when the time comes that you do need it, you won't be starting from scratch, when the situation is desperate. Best of luck to you both. xx