Don't despair. Mum moved to nursing home.

dottyd

Registered User
Jan 22, 2011
1,063
0
n.e.
This is to give you all in similar situations some hope.

After 3.5 years in an Emi unit in a residential care home it was deemed that mum needed a nursing home on account of her challenging behaviour.

I was really dismayed at this. Mum only lived round the corner. Anyway I started to look around. There were no nursing beds in our town.

I managed to find a nice place ten miles away in another town where mum would be top of the waiting list.

Anyway she transferred a couple of weeks ago. I was away at the time and my son visited and said he liked the place a lot and I went just the other day.

The difference in mum was amazing. I went late afternoon. No longer was she slumped in a chair like she was in the ch. she was still quiet but looked more alert.

I'd taken her a handbag with some bits of jewellery and an old watch. She was over the moon. At Christmas she couldn't be bothered with her presents. She was saying...oh I like that. It had lots of zips and pockets and she was so enthusiastic.

Then the lady who was sat on the sofa with her kicked me and gave mum a slight punch on her shoulder. Mum said ' did you do that? What did you do that for?
I was so impressed.

She even said my name. She couldn't remember it last time. Her room smelled clean and fresh .

It's a big place, with all the room built in a square around a garden like a quadrangle. She can walk out if she wants to as its secure.
I spoke to the nurse and said this time I was determined mum was having a downstairs room and the nurse said all dementia patients should be downstairs so they can walk out. It helps calm their agitation.
I agree. Mum got herself upset walked out. Walked round the building....chucked her bag away.lol and came back fine.


Please don't despair if this happens to your loved one. I chose the ch nearest to me as I felt it was the best of a sad bunch ...But was never happy with the layout, the fact that it was upstairs, and the view of the lounge was obstructed by a wall. I'd hoped to visit three times a week but because of mums agitation it was more like once a month towards the end of her stay.

And where possible and if your lo is still mobile look for somewhere that has downstairs accommodation with access to the outdoors. It should be a basic right. I dread to think how long it's been since mum had fresh air on her face. My feeling is staff were too overworked in there to take residents downstairs to the garden in her previous home. She has walked outside many times now.
I feel she has been given a new lease of life and what's more...even though it's a twenty mile round trip I think I will be visiting much more frequently.


I hope this helps someone.
 
Last edited:

LadyA

Registered User
Oct 19, 2009
13,730
0
Ireland
Sounds like it's an excellent place, and a good outcome. Peace of mind about our loved one's care is worth a lot. My late husband also loved to walk, and would walk around his nursing home for hours - it was the ideal environment for him to do so. Wide level corridors (with handrails down both sides!), no obstacles like door straddles, no steps. He had much more scope for walking in safety than he had had at home.
 

stanleypj

Registered User
Dec 8, 2011
10,712
0
North West
Thank you dottyd. I'm sure there will be many people who will be encouraged by this post and will be given hope, even if there loved has not settled so far.
 

Owly

Registered User
Jun 6, 2011
537
0
Thank you for sharing your happy news, Dotty. :):):)

I'm a bit of a fresh air fanatic and I can totally believe that the difference in your Mum is simply due to getting outside and oxygenating her brain and body. Sedentary people have much slower circulation and it all contributes to gathering debris and sluggishness in the blood. Maybe they are getting more liquid into her too, in comparison with her previous home.

:)
 

dottyd

Registered User
Jan 22, 2011
1,063
0
n.e.
It does make me wonder owly

Knowing how much we need vitamin d for our own well being...the mind boggles at just how my mum deteriorated over those years.

I feel like I've got a bit of my mum back.
 

jan.s

Registered User
Sep 20, 2011
7,353
0
72
Dotty I'm so glad things are working out well for Mum.

I was in a very similar situation with my husband a few years ago, the local nursing home had no idea of how to cope with his challenging behaviour, and it broke my heart to watch it all. I was a very frequent visitor, in fact I did most of his care! He looked so stressed, but when I moved him to a new care home, he settled within 2 weeks. The new care home was 20 miles away, but a journey I willingly undertook, just to see him, when he looked so calm.

There is life after an unsuitable care home (in my case). :)
 

PollyP.

Registered User
Oct 8, 2009
327
0
Herefordshire UK
Thanks for posting this Dotty, it's so uplifting.

Mum's care home has one unit downstairs (with access to the garden) and one unit upstairs, of course no access to the garden unless a carer will take her downstairs. I have often asked if mum could have a downstairs room when one became available, nothing yet though!

So good to hear that your Mum has improved in her new home.

Pauline
 

Nellybell

Registered User
Feb 5, 2016
28
0
Hi dotty, I am pleased to hear that your mum has improved and is happier at her new home. I totally agree with you about PWD having access to the outside and fresh air. My dad moved into his CH after spending a month in hospital followed by 2wks in a LA placement CH. He was unable to go outside in either of these establishments and he was becoming like a caged animal. The CH he is now in we picked not only for its good care reviews but also was because it is all ground floor and he has free access to the large secure gardens as and when he likes. Most times I go to visit I find him outside and the staff tell me he is constantly going outside for walks or on nicer days to potter in the garden which he loves. All the other CH we visited told us he would of been on their first or second floors and would have to be accompanied by a carer if he wanted to go downstairs or out in the garden. I knew in reality this probably meant he wouldn't get out much as the reality is that there wouldn't be the staff available to do this. I think more Ch with dementia status should be ground floor only, but that is just my personal opinion.
 

dottyd

Registered User
Jan 22, 2011
1,063
0
n.e.
So agree with you Nell.
I wish now I had the confidence to move mum years ago but you are told they need familiarity etc so after she'd been in the first one for three weeks unless I'd seen signs of neglect or abuse I thought it was it was fine.

It wasn't and she had 3 and a half years of misery ( and me too as a result)

I think we should start a campaign to push for dementia patients to be housed downstairs.
The nurse in mums new place agrees with me.

In fact I think there should be a complete revision of how are/ nursing homes are laid out.