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Doing my best .......... but struggling


Registered User
Mar 23, 2017
Mum has pneumonia not severe but on top of her advanced altzheimers it's not good.
The doctor offered to hospitalise her but dad wants to keep her at home, they both live with me. She barely eats or drinks anymore is totally incontinent and when she is awake is totally uncooperative. I have just managed to get her to bed after a battle but manoeuvring 16st of dead weight is taking its toll on me. If I admit defeat and let them take her in I am pretty sure she won't come back out she has gone down hill so rapidly in last 10 days I am worried the rest of the family will blame me for not looking after her. Sorry people just feeling exhausted and sorry for myself tonight [emoji17]

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Registered User
Dec 21, 2015
No, you are but one person, you are not a team of professionally trained medics/carers. You do not feel guilty.
Is there any possibility of in-home care for you? Carers' visits to help? It sounds as if two people are required for moving. Have you had a recent SS assessment of your Mum's needs?
Hugs, you sound utterly exhausted x

father ted

Registered User
Aug 16, 2010
Dear Debjac,
What you have described sounds utterly exhausting. I get the impression from your words that you would have taken the Dr up on having your Mum admitted. I know you will want to comply with your father's wishes and keep Mum at home but if it is you doing all the work then I don't think anyone should be calling the shots except you.

If you think the family will 'blame' you for not doing the caring now is the time to tell them you are struggling and ask them to step up to the plate and offer a regular slot when they will take over from you for a few hours to give you a break. You are very caring and no doubt with assistance from family and carers your Mum could be kept at home but not without it. Also if Mum is able to communicate what does she want?

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
Good advice from father ted Debjac.

It`s very easy for family members to sit on the sidelines and pass judgement without lifting a finger to help.

If you are moving your mother by yourself you are risking your own health and really need some carers to come to help you move her.

Have you asked for help in the home ?


Registered User
Mar 23, 2017
We have limited help from carers just 3 mornings a week mum doesn't know where she is so don't think would make much difference to her I know you are all right but why do I feel such a failure? Husband now home for weekend so will have a bit more help my kids are great but feel it's wrong to expect them to do too much will see how weekend goes and reassess on Tuesday thanks all x

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