1. achurch1

    achurch1 New member

    Jul 3, 2019
    2
    Hello

    I will keep try to keep it simple after nearly 4 months in hospital my mum was discharged with CHC with a live in carer to be assessed in 3 months.

    I was told by senior Dr our mum was being sent home to be made comfortable with palliative care package with a live in carer.
    We discussed it as a family and would have preferred a care home but it was her wishes to go home and she didn't want any care but there is in no way she is capable of looking after herself, even with our family visiting her few times a week.
    Mum is very angry, thinks everyone's stealing from her, after her house, stealing her clothes when nothing can be further from the truth.
    We notice her illness is getting worse weekly,not knowing grandchildren names, even asking my son and daughter how many kids they have together,You can visit her and five mins later if that, she not seen anyone.
    My mum has a bit of an Alf Garnet personality and one moment the African carer is lovely next she is calling her every name under the sun,to a point the carer rings us late at night or the neighbour has to intervene.
    To make matters worse she lost her 11 year old dog just before she was hospitalised and thinks it's either been stolen, lost, or she constantly looks for it, we think her dementia contributed to the dogs death.
    The carer said she literally goes on about the dog 24/7, she basically said to us why not get your mum another dog.
    I personally don't thing this is wise as even though mum has a carer what happens if mum goes back in hospital or succumbs to her illness.
    I'm all for making mum happy and if this gives the carer an easier time great but I'm just not sure it's a good idea.
    What are your thoughts on this?
     
  2. Moggymad

    Moggymad Registered User

    May 12, 2017
    335
    Female
    I agree with you that it's not a good idea. Clearly the carer is not considering the needs of the dog in her suggestion. You already think your mums dementia contributed to her dogs death. They are sentient beings with needs of their own & I don't think it is fair to get another dog just to pacify her & make the carers job easier especially if your mum is receiving palliative care (?). As you said what would happen if your mum went back into hospital or the dog was ill? For me there are so many reasons why this is not a good idea & I hope the carer doesn't encourage your mum with this suggestion.
     
  3. Wifenotcarer

    Wifenotcarer Registered User

    Mar 11, 2018
    219
    Central Scotland
    Our cat was run over just before Christmas, so I presented OH on Christmas Day with one of those lifelike kittens that breathes and purrs if stroked. He does realise that it is not the same cat but seems to believe it is his new born kitten, who will eventually grow up. I suppose it depends how far advanced your Mum's dementia is, if she would take to a wee puppy like that.
     
  4. DagraNumber1

    DagraNumber1 New member

    Jul 3, 2019
    7
    I can relate to a lot of your mums behaviours. Sometimes photos of the dog in a special book can conjure up the feelings your mum might be seeking or missing when she goes on about the dog. If the carer would sit and go through the book with her. I found a lot of these obsessions were about the feelings that they needed at that time and with acknowledgement and probs such as pictures or items, they stopped obsessing.
    Hope things turn out ok xx
     
  5. canary

    canary Registered User

    Feb 25, 2014
    9,855
    Female
    South coast
    I like @Wifenotcarer s idea of a lifelike toy. Mums care home had one of these and and can say that it was very popular.
    I agree with everyones feelings that it isnt a good idea to get a another dog.
     
  6. Duggies-girl

    Duggies-girl Registered User

    Sep 6, 2017
    1,470
    Dogs need looking after, walking, trips to the vet and more. No not a good idea and who would have to take it on if your mum does end up in a care home.

    My dad would like a cat although he has forgotten about the allergy that he had to his previous one.

    I like the idea of a toy animal that breathes.
     
  7. Canadian Joanne

    Canadian Joanne Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 8, 2005
    16,057
    Toronto, Canada
    Is there someone with a dog who would be willing to come for visits? My mother's nursing home had visiting dogs and they were always very popular.
     
  8. Sirena

    Sirena Registered User

    Feb 27, 2018
    1,414
    Female
    I really don't think the carer has thought this through, although I can see why she's desperate! Someone would have to take the dog for walks, train it, take it for any necessary vet checks. The carer won't be able to do this because she has to stay with your mum. A new dog might be stressed and whine and bark constantly - and your mother might see it as an imposter anyway as it isn't 'her dog'.

    From what you have said, it sounds as if the whole care-at-home enterprise may not be sustainable anyway and may need to be reviewed.
     
  9. Helly68

    Helly68 Registered User

    Mar 12, 2018
    368
    I think the lifelike cuddly toy dog is the way to go, if you think she would accept it. There are models designed specifically for PWD, but also those safety tested for use with children that may also be suitable. A few residents in my mothers care home have them and seem to get a lot of comfort from them.
     
  10. love.dad.but..

    love.dad.but.. Registered User

    Jan 16, 2014
    4,380
    Kent
    Replacing the dog..no is my thought. Not fair all round but especially the dog.Her obsession will most likely move onto something else, that is the nature of the illness for some. However I would be a little concerned that the carer sees that as the immediate answer without realising that to a degree she can use distraction in conversation or activity and has need to call on family or neighbours to to intervene. 24/7 caring is a demanding task for anyone, paid or family. Does the carer have the required dementia expertise as from what you describe your mum is declining and more problematic challenges may lay ahead?
     
  11. achurch1

    achurch1 New member

    Jul 3, 2019
    2
    Thanks for all your replies, this is how I basically see it, my mum might not even know what a dog is within a few months who knows.
    We get mixed advice I'd rather be straight with her and she seems to accept it, must be terribly confusing to think one thing and then someone says different.
    Horrble illness very taxing, we looked at care homes they were terrible but I can easily see how my mum will get to that degree.
     

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