Does your PWD's behaviour ever give you thoughts that you can't quite grasp?

maryjoan

Registered User
Mar 25, 2017
1,397
South of the Border
I came down with a nasty cold on Sunday - the type where you cannot summon up the energy to do anything.
OH did not notice - but why did I think he would?
Monday and I got up to give him his meds and coffee and crawled back into bed. I made myself get up to make his lunch, did not shower, do my hair, put clean clothes on or makeup on. I felt and looked a mess. Luckily he was playing snooker in the afternoon so I could doze on the sofa.

He did not notice I was not at all well.

BUT he did ask me had I finished setting up his new laptop for him - I said I hadn't. he has bought it with his post code lottery winnings, and only wants to use it to check the lottery results !!!!

This morning I felt slightly better, still no energy, but he wanted 3 games of scrabble.

The thoughts that are drifting around, that I cannot quite get hold of are I think:-

"what would happen if I became seriously ill - would he take any action at all?"

and

" the fact that he still wanted things doing for him, like his laptop, does that give an angle on how limited his comprehension is now?"
 

White Rose

Registered User
Nov 4, 2018
353
I came down with a nasty cold on Sunday - the type where you cannot summon up the energy to do anything.
OH did not notice - but why did I think he would?
Monday and I got up to give him his meds and coffee and crawled back into bed. I made myself get up to make his lunch, did not shower, do my hair, put clean clothes on or makeup on. I felt and looked a mess. Luckily he was playing snooker in the afternoon so I could doze on the sofa.

He did not notice I was not at all well.

BUT he did ask me had I finished setting up his new laptop for him - I said I hadn't. he has bought it with his post code lottery winnings, and only wants to use it to check the lottery results !!!!

This morning I felt slightly better, still no energy, but he wanted 3 games of scrabble.

The thoughts that are drifting around, that I cannot quite get hold of are I think:-

"what would happen if I became seriously ill - would he take any action at all?"

and

" the fact that he still wanted things doing for him, like his laptop, does that give an angle on how limited his comprehension is now?"
I had the same a couple of weeks ago and had exactly the same thought. I know the answer is that my PWD would not be able to do anything, he can't even use the phone anymore and had no understanding that I was ill. He couldn't make himself any food or a drink, he couldn't even occupy himself while I was ill. I asked his sons if one of them could come and take him out - no reply from one, one couldn't as he had to work and the other just sent a nasty email along the lines of you've made you bed, so lie in it - that's because I moved us to be nearer to my family against the wishes of 2 of them. There is an emergency carers scheme where we live, they can provide emergency care for up to 48 hours, good to know it's there as I wouldn't ask my family to help at this stage of his Alzheimer's and obviously his family has no intention of offering any support. Might be a good idea for you to see if there's a similar scheme where you live.
 

Banjomansmate

Registered User
Jan 13, 2019
1,470
Dorset
My neighbour opposite collapsed and died and wasn’t discovered until the District Nurse called in to take a blood sample from him. His wife with dementia seemed to know he was collapsed up in the bathroom but had done nothing about it and didn’t seem in the slightest bit bothered by it. As he had a DNAR on his records it wouldn’t have made any difference if she had called for help!
 

maryjoan

Registered User
Mar 25, 2017
1,397
South of the Border
My neighbour opposite collapsed and died and wasn’t discovered until the District Nurse called in to take a blood sample from him. His wife with dementia seemed to know he was collapsed up in the bathroom but had done nothing about it and didn’t seem in the slightest bit bothered by it. As he had a DNAR on his records it wouldn’t have made any difference if she had called for help!
That is exactly how I, and others of us, could end up - just shows that these drifting thoughts in my mind have real consequences for some people.