Does the Guilt Monster ever go away?

[Beannie]

Hi,

Have spent the day feeling so guilty about my OH being in a care home because his AD and Parkinsons have deteriorated to such an extent that I couldn't cope anymore at home. I am also coming to terms with the financial cost, we are self funding. I see from the various posts on TP that a lot of you have been able to keep the person at home. I just wish it could be this way for me but it can't. I miss him being in the house, even though the last 3 months have been so wearing on us all and none of us can sit in his empty chair!!

In my heart of hearts I know I could not go on at home and he is in the best place but that old guilt monster just seems to take over my thinking and then I just want to sit and cry not that crying changes anything. I feel so guilty when we leave the care home and the door shuts behind me and I drive home and see other people going about their daily lives, even though I know they could have problems that I just cannot see.

I seem to have rambled on and on but being new to TP I feel able to vent my feelings knowing there are others in my 'boat. I just wondered if there was anyone else out there with a partner who has been diagnosed with Parkinsons and Alzheimers at such a young age (my husband was 57 at diagnosis and is 62 in 10 days time)? Thanks for taking the time to read this.

 

[Kevinl]

Hi Beannie
I still have my wife at home but I'm resigned to the fact I may not be able to do that forever, there will come a time when it's in either my or her best interest that she goes in the hands of people who can care for her better than I can. When that day comes I won't feel guilty, why should I? I'll give it all I can but eventually AZ will probably win it usually does in the end.
You've had a massive change in your life so when you say "I drive home and see other people going about their daily lives" they are, you'll never know the massive changes some of them have had in their lives anymore than they know of yours. Some may have been diagnosed with a terminal illness, found out they're pregnant, lost their job or whatever but you can't know that by looking at them, inside many of them are crying too or indeed screaming.
My wife was diagnosed mid 50's she 62 now (just AZ not Parkinson's) one day I'll do what's in her best interests and may put her into professional care, it's not something I'm looking forward to but sometimes love means letting go.
K