hello
@Suzy C
a warm welcome to DTP
it's a tough decision to make for someone else and changes both lives, so not surprising that so many emotions well up ... possibly made harder because of your promise and that you don't like where your husband now is
it's still early days for you; 9 weeks after so many years ...it will take time to settle into different routines, get to know the staff and trust that they are caring for your husband
I found with dad that it was when I knew the staff had his best interests at heart and were getting to know him as a person not merely a 'resident' that I began to relax a little .... and my mind settled as I grew used to the ways of his new home and the folk there
as to your promise ... none of us understand at the outset how very challenging caring for someone full time can become ... yes, it would be ideal if we all could have kept our loved one living at home ... what we actually do is stand by them for all the time they are with us and make sure they have the best care that is possible, accepting, sadly, that this may mean residential care and having a team of others to support us ... it's not letting the person down, it's facing up to practicalities .... the guilt comes becaise we care and wish it all could be different .. it's one of those ridiculous emotions we feel even though we know we are doing what has to be done
when you leave your husband, maybe be sure he has a distraction eg time for a meal, and rather than any fond farewells, just say you are popping to the shops or the loo and 'see you later/in a while' so he has no trigger to become anxious ... and don't let him see you putting on a coat (maybe even leave is out of sight, though somewhere safe)
allow yourself time, and keep posting, it can help to share