My elderly Mum (89) lives alone in Southampton and I as her daughter and next-of-kin live in Portsmouth. Mum's only other known livi9ng relatives are my married daughter in London (Mum's only grandchild) and a male cousin living up in Yorkshire. Mum was taken into hospital last Christmas Day (2019) with chest pains but wasn't discharged back home until mid-February - she had two courses of antibiotics which didn't work so then had to be put on steroids which upset her diabetic sugar levels, and when she was medically fit for discharge there was a further delay while the hospital social worker set up a care package for her.
Mum's medical conditions that I know of include asthma, emphysema, diabetes, macular degeneration, breast cancer and at least one TIA (mini-stroke) that I know of. I was also told by the district nurse or some nursing visitor that Mum was also recently diagnosed with Mild Cognitive Impairment (MCI) and it certainly seems that since her hospital stay her confusion has got noticeably worse. I should also add that Mum is as deaf as a post and rarely remembers to wear her hearing aids, which makes telephone conversations difficult at best; she doesn't have the internet or a mobile phone so the only way I can communicate with her right now is either by phoning and just hoping she has her hearing aids in, or writing a letter.
Because of Mum's age, medical conditions and the coronavirus Mum is supposed to be on 12 weeks isolation at which makes getting her grocery shopping difficult as she struggles to walk to the local shops to do her shopping. My daughter has got Mum registered with the local authority as a very vulnerable person and she is due to receive one of the government food parcels any day now - yet despite a freezer full of ready meals she insisted yesterday on walking to the local shops for bread and milk. Both my daughter and I have tried on numerous occasions to get her to understand she must stay indoors or within her own garden and not venture out further, but Mum just doesn't realise the risk she's putting herself to by going out. She is also confused about taking all her various medications; some days she forgets altogether and on other days she takes double the doses which of course doesn't do any good at all . Mum is also the old-fashioned type who insists on paying her utility bills in cash or by cheque, which causes further problems.
All in all both my daughter and I think that, as Mum is now getting so confused and in need of someone at hand 24/7 to keep an eye on her, the time has now come for her to go into permanent residential care for her own safety. There's a nice private care home near to where she lives that would be suitable for her but very expensive - however finance doesn't appear to be a problem.
My daughter is going to contact Mum's GP in the morning to insist on Mum having a test for dementia; on good days she appears perfectly normal apart from the deafness, but on bad days she's totally incapable of managing to do anything at all. Mum claims there's a POA set up but I don't believe this at all because surely if this was the case I as the NOK would have had to be informed, even if I wasn't necessarily told who has the POA (it certainly isn't me). I have tried to mention the topic of her going into residential care, but although Mum admits she can't cope at home she's reluctant to consider residential care as her bungalow, her home of over forty years, would eventually have to be sold to fund said care which she doesn't want to have to do as she wants to be able to leave her home and savings to myself and my daughter. In the early 1960's Mum went through a very acrimonious separation and later divorce from her first husband (my late father) and as a result she and I had to move to the opposite end of the country literally; I as a 9 yr old at the time found it very difficult to settle to life down south and struggled to be accepted at school because of my northern accent; Mum has always felt very guilty that she had to take me so far away from my home, friends and family and wants to make up for this by leaving her estate to myself and my daughter.
What I'd like advice on is whether, in people's opinion, Mum does have some degree of dementia and if so how to get Mum into a care home for her own safety and our peace of mind?
Mum's medical conditions that I know of include asthma, emphysema, diabetes, macular degeneration, breast cancer and at least one TIA (mini-stroke) that I know of. I was also told by the district nurse or some nursing visitor that Mum was also recently diagnosed with Mild Cognitive Impairment (MCI) and it certainly seems that since her hospital stay her confusion has got noticeably worse. I should also add that Mum is as deaf as a post and rarely remembers to wear her hearing aids, which makes telephone conversations difficult at best; she doesn't have the internet or a mobile phone so the only way I can communicate with her right now is either by phoning and just hoping she has her hearing aids in, or writing a letter.
Because of Mum's age, medical conditions and the coronavirus Mum is supposed to be on 12 weeks isolation at which makes getting her grocery shopping difficult as she struggles to walk to the local shops to do her shopping. My daughter has got Mum registered with the local authority as a very vulnerable person and she is due to receive one of the government food parcels any day now - yet despite a freezer full of ready meals she insisted yesterday on walking to the local shops for bread and milk. Both my daughter and I have tried on numerous occasions to get her to understand she must stay indoors or within her own garden and not venture out further, but Mum just doesn't realise the risk she's putting herself to by going out. She is also confused about taking all her various medications; some days she forgets altogether and on other days she takes double the doses which of course doesn't do any good at all . Mum is also the old-fashioned type who insists on paying her utility bills in cash or by cheque, which causes further problems.
All in all both my daughter and I think that, as Mum is now getting so confused and in need of someone at hand 24/7 to keep an eye on her, the time has now come for her to go into permanent residential care for her own safety. There's a nice private care home near to where she lives that would be suitable for her but very expensive - however finance doesn't appear to be a problem.
My daughter is going to contact Mum's GP in the morning to insist on Mum having a test for dementia; on good days she appears perfectly normal apart from the deafness, but on bad days she's totally incapable of managing to do anything at all. Mum claims there's a POA set up but I don't believe this at all because surely if this was the case I as the NOK would have had to be informed, even if I wasn't necessarily told who has the POA (it certainly isn't me). I have tried to mention the topic of her going into residential care, but although Mum admits she can't cope at home she's reluctant to consider residential care as her bungalow, her home of over forty years, would eventually have to be sold to fund said care which she doesn't want to have to do as she wants to be able to leave her home and savings to myself and my daughter. In the early 1960's Mum went through a very acrimonious separation and later divorce from her first husband (my late father) and as a result she and I had to move to the opposite end of the country literally; I as a 9 yr old at the time found it very difficult to settle to life down south and struggled to be accepted at school because of my northern accent; Mum has always felt very guilty that she had to take me so far away from my home, friends and family and wants to make up for this by leaving her estate to myself and my daughter.
What I'd like advice on is whether, in people's opinion, Mum does have some degree of dementia and if so how to get Mum into a care home for her own safety and our peace of mind?
