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Does dad need sectioned or nursing home

deepetshopboy

Registered User
Jul 7, 2008
521
0
@deepetshopboy please slow down and breathe. the care plan will be done and he will get the care he needs. they know to change, to clean teeth, glasses, etc. your dad is going to react when he sees you panicking. you may need to take a step back and allow them to care for your dad, then you can see the standard of care that they are giving him. when you first walk into a home, it is overwhelming and frightening. your dad needs to settle so it may be easier on you both if you have a break , take stock and try and come to terms with the new stage in his life. you have done amazingly well to care for your dad as well as you have and for as long as you have. now you really need some respite to rest and recuperate from all the tough times you have been going through. i hope that makes sense and i havent offended you.
No you haven’t offended me and its been extremely stressful and traumatic over not just the last few weeks but yrs literally one thing after another im not against homes just feel he might well be better off in a mixed home with more people
 

Jessbow

Registered User
Mar 1, 2013
3,695
0
West Hertfordshire
Let him establish his new 'normal'- in 6 weeks he'll either still be calm, or he'll have reverted to his normal self.
From there , they will establish the right placement for him.

They WILL find out what he likes and doesnt like, he'll be compliant with personal care....or he wont.
They will change him when he needs it- thats what they do

Whatimportant stuff havent they asked?
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
5,952
0
Southampton
No you haven’t offended me and its been extremely stressful and traumatic over not just the last few weeks but yrs literally one thing after another im not against homes just feel he might well be better off in a mixed home with more people
i understand that but before you said he was aggressive in the hospital and with you. sometimes homes that have mixed residents can not manage certain behaviours so he might not be accepted as the home will do an assessment of your dad and see if they can meet his needs. if they cant then they wont be able to place him in that type of home. its got to be able to meet the needs of your dad and also the safety of the other residents as well as your dads safety. on some forms, there are what family he did have, favourite places where he worked, what he likes to wear so they can talk to him and make him comfortable. they will change as necessary, they may even have a toilet routine. what he is like with you may well be different when hes in the home. i expect they would like hints of how you do personal care and see if that works for them. its nice to talk about familiar topics with him which will help him settle in. they will be watching your dad and make reports in his care plan to see what worked and not and how he is. he can pick up on your stress so see if you can relax a bit and let them get on with their job their way.
 

deepetshopboy

Registered User
Jul 7, 2008
521
0
i understand that but before you said he was aggressive in the hospital and with you. sometimes homes that have mixed residents can not manage certain behaviours so he might not be accepted as the home will do an assessment of your dad and see if they can meet his needs. if they cant then they wont be able to place him in that type of home. its got to be able to meet the needs of your dad and also the safety of the other residents as well as your dads safety. on some forms, there are what family he did have, favourite places where he worked, what he likes to wear so they can talk to him and make him comfortable. they will change as necessary, they may even have a toilet routine. what he is like with you may well be different when hes in the home. i expect they would like hints of how you do personal care and see if that works for them. its nice to talk about familiar topics with him which will help him settle in. they will be watching your dad and make reports in his care plan to see what worked and not and how he is. he can pick up on your stress so see if you can relax a bit and let them get on with their job their way.
he was with me but since they put him on olanzipine in last 3 wks was calm in the hospital and in the home he needed hes medication changed for a long time which led to the crisis and i explained today to the senior carer of hes history and she said yes this is why the medication is calmed him and also i asked about psychiatrist in future as was unclear to who the mental health team would be after 6 wks and i told her her would need hes meds reviewed due to past history i was told it would be their local dr deals with it .as dads in different area .i get what your saying but im hoping the sw will review the assessment as dad seems ok with the carers theres a home im looking at tomorrow morning its a dementia home but not spelist and its not a unit but im quessing that they want non aggressive which he isn’t currently but still has the confusion walking about prone to wandering.sw wants him 20/30 miles away which would mean I could only visit once a wk
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
5,952
0
Southampton
he was with me but since they put him on olanzipine in last 3 wks was calm in the hospital and in the home he needed hes medication changed for a long time which led to the crisis and i explained today to the senior carer of hes history and she said yes this is why the medication is calmed him and also i asked about psychiatrist in future as was unclear to who the mental health team would be after 6 wks and i told her her would need hes meds reviewed due to past history i was told it would be their local dr deals with it .as dads in different area .i get what your saying but im hoping the sw will review the assessment as dad seems ok with the carers theres a home im looking at tomorrow morning its a dementia home but not spelist and its not a unit but im quessing that they want non aggressive which he isn’t currently but still has the confusion walking about prone to wandering.sw wants him 20/30 miles away which would mean I could only visit once a wk
describe what he can be like and ask if they will be able to meet his needs.
 

deepetshopboy

Registered User
Jul 7, 2008
521
0
describe what he can be like and ask if they will be able to meet his needs.
I will the manager ive spoke to a few times over last 6 months was happy to spk to me despite my dad not being a resident obviously i have to be honest .i have been looking at homes over last 2 yrs .dads being calm im very very surprised hes not kicking off n not really asking to go home thats why he might settle im there 1/yr couldnt even leave him in daycentre
 

Jessbow

Registered User
Mar 1, 2013
3,695
0
West Hertfordshire
theres a home im looking at tomorrow morning its a dementia home but not spelist and its not a unit but im quessing that they want non aggressive which he isn’t currently but still has the confusion walking about prone to wandering

.sw wants him 20/30 miles away which would mean I could only visit once a wk
They may not take funded residents, Not all homes do/can ( and it dosnt sound as though he will be self funded

The SW doesnt WANT him 20 miles away, it maybe the best place to suit his neds- and thats what is important
 

deepetshopboy

Registered User
Jul 7, 2008
521
0
Dads still in the unit its a dementia home with 4 floors dads on the 3 rd the unit hes on is tiny t shaped tiny single room no were for him to walk only small corrider and lounge were they also eat on 3 small tables no men only 1 bedbound most are ten yrs older then him about 2 women in lounge always asleep nobody fir my dad to talk to only the care assistants of which there is only 2 normally doing personal care or paperwork obviously no visitors allowed in the unit although im only 3 days a week for a hour to take him in the garden downstairs or i can sit in hes room they have asked me to do personal care as hes resistant and hes shy theres no make carers n hes teeth haven’t been done i took them out and washed them last wk under the tap i told the manager that hes teeth needs cleaned she said does he have a toothbrush i said hes got false teeth i told her before and she said oh we will do that in the 6 wks when we come up woth a care plan i said you cant wait 6 wks to clean hes teeth ! She said oh we might get you to do that 😩i said yeah thats ok i hqve already but needs to be on hes care plan ! They have also asked me to do hes personal care when im there again i said i dont mind as i dont want him to suffer it’s difficult to get information on he’s sleeping etc as im just being told oh hes fine he doesn’t get taken to the garden most of the other 7 in unit stay in there rooms i turn the radio on in hes room but its turned off all the time I witnessed in front of me a upset vunrable lady being bullied picked on and pushed /shoved on sunday with a sweet squashed in her mouth in front of me i told them at the meeting on Tuesday i had with the social worker and psychiatrist/support worker who attended the manager she was there i told her and she started picking on me for not reporting it i said im saying now and 2 off your others carers were there watching it anyway after the meeting she called me down and said who was it apparently a agency staff doing one to one i was told they had to raise it with safeguarding again told me off like a naughty child i said what about your staff not saying nothing? Next day was told i wasn’t allowed in lounge not allowed in for more then half hour and could i identify her by her pictures and do a teport on what i saw i wasn’t happy after being told i can stay last week as essential carer then being told no you can only come for half hour she then said ok for hour and half my dads bascially in prison i can’t imagine him spending the rest of hes life in there its so sad hes okish but wants to go every time still chatting and bouncing around nd the place he doesn’t belong there its so small restricted .like i said they are much more advanced/in bed and 10 yrs older .im being told my dads being funded under the covid 19 hospital to care home .1 k a week .i just dont know what to do it’s claustrophobic in there .im hoping i can either move him to a ‘ normal’home but the places i looked at seem to be similar type people but obviously no locks on doors but with bedrooms upstairs or dementia units no in between which he needs as he needs showing hes room bought to bed hes very confused/and likes walking about n talking he keeps saying why im here what have i done wrong I feel hes being punished now so upset and anxious by it wll im not eating im like a zombie i asked if i could take him back n tey him at home with a care package..said he would need a capicty test n best interest meeting id have to present them with a care plan rota for them to even consider it know you are going all say no you shouldn’t but hes calmed down but whats the alternative to that uinit I’ve looked at 3 places not sure what to do or were to start there seems to be no in between ie places were they can roam but not a unit but still with key pads but with a mix of people
 
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Jessbow

Registered User
Mar 1, 2013
3,695
0
West Hertfordshire
You re correct in thinking most of us would say ''No dont do it''

You say already he is resisting personal care..

How can they/he/anyone clean his teeth without a toothbrush?

Cocern yourself with your Dad & his care. You only saw very small snapshot of what was happening with the other lady- and agree with the care manager- if you were that concerned, you should have reported it at the time , not days later.

he sounds as though he needs a dementia unit, not a 'normal' home ( not sure how you define a normal home but...)
Yes it would be nice if he had people to talk to but its not the end of the world, there re carers he can engage with

Try not to take everything so personally- I very much doubt the hme manager was ''Picking'' on you.
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
5,952
0
Southampton
You re correct in thinking most of us would say ''No dont do it''

You say already he is resisting personal care..

How can they/he/anyone clean his teeth without a toothbrush?

Cocern yourself with your Dad & his care. You only saw very small snapshot of what was happening with the other lady- and agree with the care manager- if you were that concerned, you should have reported it at the time , not days later.

he sounds as though he needs a dementia unit, not a 'normal' home ( not sure how you define a normal home but...)
Yes it would be nice if he had people to talk to but its not the end of the world, there re carers he can engage with

Try not to take everything so personally- I very much doubt the hme manager was ''Picking'' on you.
i agree with @Jessbow you need toothbrush for dentures. just swilling it in water doesnt get them clean. why are they askin g you to do his personal care? thats what he is living there for so you dont have to do it. a mixed home might not be able to meet your dads specific needs so better to have one that cares for him properly. you really shouldnt be trying to see what stage that other residents are, concentrate on your dad. i think slow down and calm and start again by getting to know the carers instead of trying to do everything yourself. have a break from it. it can be hard to see the wood from the trees when you are so involved. i have the same problem sometimes and a bit of perspective really helps sometimes.
 

TNJJ

Registered User
May 7, 2019
2,221
0
cornwall
You need to step back.You need to for your sake. His needs now are different to what they were without dementia. Therefore his reactions to things will be different. A lot of the time we assume we know what our PWD is thinking but do we really.? Maybe before dementia but not now. You may be surprised!
 

deepetshopboy

Registered User
Jul 7, 2008
521
0
i agree with @Jessbow you need toothbrush for dentures. just swilling it in water doesnt get them clean. why are they askin g you to do his personal care? thats what he is living there for so you dont have to do it. a mixed home might not be able to meet your dads specific needs so better to have one that cares for him properly. you really shouldnt be trying to see what stage that other residents are, concentrate on your dad. i think slow down and calm and start again by getting to know the carers instead of trying to do everything yourself. have a break from it. it can be hard to see the wood from the trees when you are so involved. i have the same problem sometimes and a bit of perspective really helps sometimes.
Because hes shy and doesn’t like strangers changing him Especially women no male carers so when i been in they asked me and he let me do it in 5 mins he does at home but could mostly be akward and refuse to dress so i begun to leave it as he gets agaited
I have got to know the carers i talk to them some are friendly and some dont say hello or even smile
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
5,952
0
Southampton
Because hes shy and doesn’t like strangers changing him Especially women no male carers so when i been in they asked me and he let me do it in 5 mins he does at home but could mostly be akward and refuse to dress so i begun to leave it as he gets agaited
I have got to know the carers i talk to them some are friendly and some dont say hello or even smile
i just wonder what would happen if he needed changing and cleaning at night, the carers would have to do it then so maybe your dad just needs to get used to them changing him.see if they can devise a way of doing it. the carers do have a lot on their mind usually who needs what and when. they are not being deliberately funny, maybe they are shy as well.
 

Rosettastone57

Registered User
Oct 27, 2016
1,591
0
Step back. Harsh perhaps ,but you need the carers to deal with your dad on their own so they can assess him and get a true picture of his needs. He needs to get used to going to and being around the carers rather than to you . As others have said, try not to take everything so personally