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Does dad need sectioned or nursing home

deepetshopboy

Registered User
Jul 7, 2008
521
0
I'm thinking of you too @deepetshopboy .

MaNaAk
Dads still in hospital isolated hes meant tobe going to a care home on wensday
Every day the situation had been changing and i call the hospital only 1 nurse is speaking and updating me i keep getting told Monday hes going to step down hospital for further assessment and then tuesday home with a care package tursday no gojng to a care home wensday he’s definitely going to a care no hes going to psychiatric hospital its upsetting , annoying Hes medication has been upped to 5 mg olanzipine and hes more settled from when he first came not banging around pulling at every thing
hes still stuck in the room and hes social worker useless no sw has called me ! communication has been utterly appalling im mentally and physically exhausted i managed to see dad today n yesterday for a hour
Now i have to prepare the next phase i will try calling the care home they said he was going to dads very lonely and nurses just pooping in
 
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deepetshopboy

Registered User
Jul 7, 2008
521
0
Hes lost weight too and nobody in the room with him and hes not allowed out so cruel ive been told I could accompany him to the home i asked how is he going get there been told by hospital transfer but we are going need a secruity guard down there as dad will want to leave nhe wont sit waiting for transport for a hour .I don’t know if im allowed to visit the home or what’s happening
 

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
74,138
0
Kent
There`s nothing worse than having to rely on messages and being unable to see for yourself @deepetshopboy.

I hope your dad can be transferred to a care home as soon as possible and then he will have some company and hopefully you will be allowed to visit.
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
4,996
0
Essex
Dear @deepetshopboy ,

There's nothing worse than relying on messages as @GrannieG says and also you will miss him but you will know that someone else is caring for him now. Your role will still be as carer but you will be a long distance carer. You have done all you could and are continuing to do all you can.

Hugs

MaNaAk
 

deepetshopboy

Registered User
Jul 7, 2008
521
0
There`s nothing worse than having to rely on messages and being unable to see for yourself @deepetshopboy.

I hope your dad can be transferred to a care home as soon as possible and then he will have some company and hopefully you will be allowed to visit.
Hopefully im hoping he wont have to isolate again 😒its been a hectic extremely stressful few weeks yesterday I reached the point of exhaustion i think im just mentally drained I fell asleep and slept for13 hours my body just gave up this wk i spoke a few times to the psychiatrist i had to fill in n run around doing hes finance forms print them sending receipts etc for them to financial assess him ive no idea who’s paying for hes care as he needs one to one i had to spk to solicitor deal with the-bank kerp calling n leaving msg at the hospital its been manic it was upsetting to see my dad as hes feet stunk and socks i had to bin them and he couldn’t understand why he was there thought he did something wrong
 

deepetshopboy

Registered User
Jul 7, 2008
521
0
Dad went into a residential home yesterday i hate it absolutely hate it they are much morre advance then him hes room is timy it smels of poo drains in there and is very hot or something it looks like the bedding is dirty
I dont like the manager she didn’t seem concerned about answering my questions and was to busy didn’t feel like i could get answers no care plan done either so i said he needs changed twive a day teeth taken out and cleaning and she just looked at me and said yeah they will do it up there most of the time she looked bored and was playing with her hair
The unit has 9 mostly in bed no men for him to talk to and 2 care assistant during the day and one at night its quiet and run down looking dads was distressed and wanted to go said he was going to die in there and very mobile so was walking about in rooms erc he feel to the floor and started praying to go i told the sw hes not staying there n im taking him home hes said im coming up Tuesday to the home will discuss it then this is too much i feel my dads calmer and i could try him hime temporary till i get looking at places he needs something thats lively bustling loads of people sw hasn’t even saw my dad im horrified by it and got sick with stress 😩
 

MaNaAk

Registered User
Jun 19, 2016
4,996
0
Essex
Dear deepetshop,

When dad went into the home I felt a whole range of emotions and you need to give yourself time to adjust. I was advised not to visit for two weeks to allow him to adjust but other members of the family were advised to visit instead to stop him feeling abandoned. I know it's difficult with restrictions but are there any other members of your family that can visit him?

MaNaAk
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
5,952
0
Southampton
@deepetshopboy please slow down and breathe. the care plan will be done and he will get the care he needs. they know to change, to clean teeth, glasses, etc. your dad is going to react when he sees you panicking. you may need to take a step back and allow them to care for your dad, then you can see the standard of care that they are giving him. when you first walk into a home, it is overwhelming and frightening. your dad needs to settle so it may be easier on you both if you have a break , take stock and try and come to terms with the new stage in his life. you have done amazingly well to care for your dad as well as you have and for as long as you have. now you really need some respite to rest and recuperate from all the tough times you have been going through. i hope that makes sense and i havent offended you.
 

Jessbow

Registered User
Mar 1, 2013
3,695
0
West Hertfordshire
Dad went into a residential home yesterday i hate it absolutely hate it they are much morre advance then him hes room is timy it smels of poo drains in there and is very hot or something it looks like the bedding is dirty
I dont like the manager she didn’t seem concerned about answering my questions and was to busy didn’t feel like i could get answers no care plan done either so i said he needs changed twive a day teeth taken out and cleaning and she just looked at me and said yeah they will do it up there most of the time she looked bored and was playing with her hair
The unit has 9 mostly in bed no men for him to talk to and 2 care assistant during the day and one at night its quiet and run down looking dads was distressed and wanted to go said he was going to die in there and very mobile so was walking about in rooms erc he feel to the floor and started praying to go i told the sw hes not staying there n im taking him home hes said im coming up Tuesday to the home will discuss it then this is too much i feel my dads calmer and i could try him hime temporary till i get looking at places he needs something thats lively bustling loads of people sw hasn’t even saw my dad im horrified by it and got sick with stress 😩
Take a step back & breathe. Give it a chance.

Care plan wont have been done yet, again, give them a chance.
 

canary

Registered User
Feb 25, 2014
15,550
0
South coast
Try and look past the decor. The home mum was in looked very run-down and shabby too, but the care was wonderful
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
3,571
0
I think homes can be a shock, and it sometimes does seem as if all the other residents are more advanced than our own loved ones. Is this a permanent home for him or just an interim move to assess him further?
I agree with the others, let the the professionals get on with it, and please don't attempt to bring him home, as the whole process would only start all over again
 

Jaded'n'faded

Registered User
Jan 23, 2019
1,958
0
High Peak
If the SW is coming next Tuesday, why not wait till then and see how things are going?

If the room is still dirty/smelly and the place hasn't coped well with your dad, then would be a good time to discuss an alternative home.
 

lemonbalm

Registered User
May 21, 2018
1,716
0
You only have a snapshot of the home at present @deepetshopboy . It's an incredibly difficult time when someone we love first goes into a care-home and the feelings can be overwhelming. As others have said, give it a bit of time. You say you feel your Dad is calmer. Leave him be a while and see how it goes.
 

Rosettastone57

Registered User
Oct 27, 2016
1,591
0
Wait until you see the social worker next week, you'll be in a better position to make informed judgement on the home. At the moment you are winding yourself up . The professionals have all dealt with the situation before.
 

deepetshopboy

Registered User
Jul 7, 2008
521
0
My dad is in a unit which is a residential home with 9 on each floor so the only man is in hes room all day the other people are elderly in chairs or in bed sleeping my dad is zooming around the places young not as advanced and trying to chat its heartbreaking n wants people to talk to theres only another woman walking about and she’s crying all the time hes calmed down and i went in today for 3 hours ive been given essential carer i took him out into the garden and he ws anxious and looking for ways to get out he then had a eye test i think he was confused and i told them he only just got there yesterday he kept saying ive got no money but he did answer some of the questions like they put pictures up in the midst of this there was woman walking about shouting n another man swearing wanting to get out they thought my dad might like the ground floor but i said no because the other man is agaited and shouting n other women and my dads calm
I still feel bad about it and know my dad and hes personality he needs loads of interaction and company theres only 2 care assistant and one at night so if shes off doing personal care n other doing paperwork nobody there to spk to it’s definitely the wrong place even the senior care assistant said hes socible he like talking a lot and walking about only one other mobile like him the rest with walkers /n bed asked the manager about forms they gave me yesterday i left in could i get them back as needed help filling them in and and she just said oh if we need to find out anything about your dad we will over time i thought hes got dementia i know everything i can tell you shes not botherd the other forms are upstairs somewhere or cant be found so these forms have sily stuff like whats hes favourite colour what does that matter what about knowing about hes personal care etc i felt a bit fobbed off i told sw i dont like the manager and even senior care assitent said hes not as bad as others
he wants him to go miles away to places down south coast the two homes he suggested no places and im looking at one tomorrow nearby but its not a unit its just a house but has people with dementia in it mixed in with normal. They said your dad wouldn’t let us do personal care so she suggested i try i had hes top on pads n troushers on in 2 min but i said he was the same at home if he didn’t want them on id try again in a few hours .the carers some are really nice others ok now if my dad wasa women more advanced with mobilty problem id properly be ok ish but like i said hes not aggressive right now and nearly all of them dont spk or just shout although my dads mixed up he does spk can say how u doing thanks luv etc etc care assistant said hes ok nice man and if that not right place he will get depressed if he shouldn't be there
 
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deepetshopboy

Registered User
Jul 7, 2008
521
0
I think homes can be a shock, and it sometimes does seem as if all the other residents are more advanced than our own loved ones. Is this a permanent home for him or just an interim move to assess him further?
I agree with the others, let the the professionals get on with it, and please don't attempt to bring him home, as the whole process would only start all over again
Its six weeks with a assessment
 

My Mum's Daughter

Registered User
Feb 8, 2020
109
0
The information that at first, seems like "silly stuff" is probably what the carers will use for distraction. Changing the subject to what someone's interested in, can very often calm them down.
 

deepetshopboy

Registered User
Jul 7, 2008
521
0
The information that at first, seems like "silly stuff" is probably what the carers will use for distraction. Changing the subject to what someone's interested in, can very often calm them down.
Yes good point didn’t think of it that way just thought why they asking this
just frustrating because the important stuff hasnt been asked