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Does dad need sectioned or nursing home

deepetshopboy

Registered User
Jul 7, 2008
521
0
Warning lost post..Decided to do a new post due to ever changing fast moving events with my dad regular forum users will know of my dad decline which is really gone downhill since feb ..just when i thought things couldn’t get worse dad got ill 5 weeks ago after weeks finally had a endoscopy and hes gullet is full of ulcers and hernia due to go bck in 6/7 weeks .right now not sure how to prioceed so there is a meeting this wk about dad with professionals ie dr /psychiatrist/sw team (he doesn’t have a sw she left and was barely contactable we never had much contact useless and still waiting on financial assesment forms since feb )
In this meeting they are discussing things and care homes questions being one which i have been asked hundreds of times i always said hes not going in never no but recently much to my regret but i know i have to , I've said ill think about it but my dad is ill n with all he’s possible cancer /hospital stuff going on i feel its cruel i feel quilty its going be a nightmare dealing with care hime dad /hospital mental health nurse now saying he can still go into care home since last week dads been very difficult to deal with in every which way as he seems to be recovering a bit from the ulcers that left him in agony fpr wks now hes got hes energy back hes up to hes tricks and behaviour issues coming back i tried telling nurse to tell psychiatrist that the risperdrone antipsychotic wasn’t working well left dad with purple face and stiff zombie like walk hes not sleeping at night either he just said oh I’ll mention it next meeting
ill do a timeline of events
Nov 2020 dad after weeks of being aggressive got out of flat went missing for two days /found with frost bite had battle to get help finally after yr of begging drs /etc got emergency treatment team involved which led him to be put on antipsychotic..was nearly sectioned twice before n after
Feb declined rapidly over course of few weeks couldn’t bath properly do trousers up wetting himself not knowing were rooms are walking like zombie not sleeping not talking ie mixing words up no interest in tv / had to assist with everything food /dressing bathing had to get new clothes and soluble medication in
April had to abandon going on public transport/big shops due to behaviour /inappropriate odd behaviour suddenly couldn’t swallow tabs then hard food .started getting agresive and very difficult to deal with especially when trying to put incontence pants /shaving washing n dressing/threatening me shouting n snatching clothes calling me names etc in mid April dad got ill had that all to deal with dads also weeing all round the flat in kitchen bin hallway laundry bin the flat stinks at times i cant clean it quick enough
Hes now in last week asking how i am weres hes daughter-in-law weres sarah ( me )following me round the flat not wanting to sleep in hes bed walking the flat all night and sleeping on sofa chair for short bursts hes started waking up in middle of night getting up angry n shouting about random stuff which makes no sense he’s constantly looking for hes shoes even though hes got them on gets all words mixed up and makes no sense hes stared waving n banging on the windows at hes neighbors downstairs going in n out knocking on hes door and hallucinating at invisible people and going round the flat looking for me while im in the same room as him this list isn’t exhaustive theres much more going on but im just exhausted by it all im not even sure were he should be dementia nursing home or sectioned i don’t even think right now any home can cope but to he fair dads not like this every day he will have pockets of a hour of heing quiet or snoozing but im finding that by mid afternoon hes starting again then i take him out for short walk then he want to come in i took him out other day and i thought he wanted to go toilet as he was holding hes bum he went down to public mens loos and started shouting ‘anybody there hello weres my friend’ 🤦‍♀️I then shouted at him to come bck up he still wanted to go toilet ( he cant tell me ) so i took him behind a bush were he started stripping off i quickly got him home we stay local cant attempt to take him anywere so we walk the same streets 4/5 times a days .hes in a flat and all the middle of the night shouting n talking to himself must be disturbing the neighbors he stomps up n down in heavy shoes hes very loud shouting n swearing to himself can be up till3am
He never seems tp get tired but has small catnap were he feels asleep for five min i try not to let him hes no interest now in anything on tv .i have to have the door locked been doing that since nov as he will try and walk out the door .im just not sure were he needs to be its all too much 😩
 

AwayWithTheFairies

Registered User
Apr 21, 2021
140
0
Honey, you know in your heart what the answer has to be. He is ill and needs professional residential care. You have done enough, and now the best thing you can do for him is have him visit a care home right now for respite care, with a view to making it permanent.
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
3,571
0
You know you can’t carry on the way things are. Please phone 111 and see if you can get your father the help he needs. I know it's not what you want, but he needs a whole team of people caring for him.
If he is disturbing the neighbours you may find that they ring the police. Certainly that happened with my mother. I also had complaints about her to the management company that looked after her block of flats, which will be more hassle you don't want.
Do look after you, please.
 

Rosettastone57

Registered User
Oct 27, 2016
1,591
0
The members of this forum are all screaming the same thing ,on reading this post. Full time care, no option. Enough.
 

deepetshopboy

Registered User
Jul 7, 2008
521
0
Update after er 2 weeks of dad being aggressive trying to get out /calling me names up all night every second night bashing doors hallucinating etc i rung the mental health nurse wensday (bearing in mind dads not been well extremely ill for 5 wks possible cancer got ulcers hernia too and waiting for further tests in 6/8 weeks got all that going on )
Nurse said they had a meeting hes been allocated a social worker , apprently experienced in dementia and hes going be on zoom monday /with psychiatrist/dr
Got so much to discuss and i told nurse that my dad needs sectioning hes risperdrone is not working no more !! back to similar story that he was doing
. In nov last yr he suddenly got aggressive over course of wks ie hitting/ out going missing that means tabs no longer working i cannot keep him safe hes not sleeping at night he’s screaming and shouting at me calling me horrible names anyway rung nurse this morning and said i cannot take no more i feel physically sick i cant take another weekend of it /dads possibly going go missing
He said wait till monday we might be able to place him in emergency home /outof area all rushed i said how long will it take weeks /
months?
Don't know sw is looking

No home treatment team coming out for sectioning ie deal with it yourself or call 999

Still no financial forms been waiting since feb so thats got to be dealt with Monday

And dad should be allocated sw months ago since last sw left
All been left till last minute

Have so many questions i asked who takes over care if he’s moving out of area dont know us for first 6 weeks then moved on ?
up
In the air
Told them he needs outside space ill be visiting each day he walks 1 mile at least a day
Needs One to one care will get agaited if carers have no time hes used to being entertained by me -all day on walks /
Said wont have the funding
Going have whole werkend of dad ranting raving etc no help 😩
Carer bck sunday for few hours im going try get my son to come over for a for bit of company for two hours to calm him down
Im doing it alone worried sick about it all
 

Sarasa

Volunteer Host
Apr 13, 2018
3,571
0
@deepetshopboy, I'd phone 999/111 if things carry on as they are. I don't think you can manage a weekend and I'm not sure a zoom call on Monday is really going to help. You need some help now.
 

Kapow

Registered User
Nov 17, 2019
124
0
Warning lost post..Decided to do a new post due to ever changing fast moving events with my dad regular forum users will know of my dad decline which is really gone downhill since feb ..just when i thought things couldn’t get worse dad got ill 5 weeks ago after weeks finally had a endoscopy and hes gullet is full of ulcers and hernia due to go bck in 6/7 weeks .right now not sure how to prioceed so there is a meeting this wk about dad with professionals ie dr /psychiatrist/sw team (he doesn’t have a sw she left and was barely contactable we never had much contact useless and still waiting on financial assesment forms since feb )
In this meeting they are discussing things and care homes questions being one which i have been asked hundreds of times i always said hes not going in never no but recently much to my regret but i know i have to , I've said ill think about it but my dad is ill n with all he’s possible cancer /hospital stuff going on i feel its cruel i feel quilty its going be a nightmare dealing with care hime dad /hospital mental health nurse now saying he can still go into care home since last week dads been very difficult to deal with in every which way as he seems to be recovering a bit from the ulcers that left him in agony fpr wks now hes got hes energy back hes up to hes tricks and behaviour issues coming back i tried telling nurse to tell psychiatrist that the risperdrone antipsychotic wasn’t working well left dad with purple face and stiff zombie like walk hes not sleeping at night either he just said oh I’ll mention it next meeting
ill do a timeline of events
Nov 2020 dad after weeks of being aggressive got out of flat went missing for two days /found with frost bite had battle to get help finally after yr of begging drs /etc got emergency treatment team involved which led him to be put on antipsychotic..was nearly sectioned twice before n after
Feb declined rapidly over course of few weeks couldn’t bath properly do trousers up wetting himself not knowing were rooms are walking like zombie not sleeping not talking ie mixing words up no interest in tv / had to assist with everything food /dressing bathing had to get new clothes and soluble medication in
April had to abandon going on public transport/big shops due to behaviour /inappropriate odd behaviour suddenly couldn’t swallow tabs then hard food .started getting agresive and very difficult to deal with especially when trying to put incontence pants /shaving washing n dressing/threatening me shouting n snatching clothes calling me names etc in mid April dad got ill had that all to deal with dads also weeing all round the flat in kitchen bin hallway laundry bin the flat stinks at times i cant clean it quick enough
Hes now in last week asking how i am weres hes daughter-in-law weres sarah ( me )following me round the flat not wanting to sleep in hes bed walking the flat all night and sleeping on sofa chair for short bursts hes started waking up in middle of night getting up angry n shouting about random stuff which makes no sense he’s constantly looking for hes shoes even though hes got them on gets all words mixed up and makes no sense hes stared waving n banging on the windows at hes neighbors downstairs going in n out knocking on hes door and hallucinating at invisible people and going round the flat looking for me while im in the same room as him this list isn’t exhaustive theres much more going on but im just exhausted by it all im not even sure were he should be dementia nursing home or sectioned i don’t even think right now any home can cope but to he fair dads not like this every day he will have pockets of a hour of heing quiet or snoozing but im finding that by mid afternoon hes starting again then i take him out for short walk then he want to come in i took him out other day and i thought he wanted to go toilet as he was holding hes bum he went down to public mens loos and started shouting ‘anybody there hello weres my friend’ 🤦‍♀️I then shouted at him to come bck up he still wanted to go toilet ( he cant tell me ) so i took him behind a bush were he started stripping off i quickly got him home we stay local cant attempt to take him anywere so we walk the same streets 4/5 times a days .hes in a flat and all the middle of the night shouting n talking to himself must be disturbing the neighbors he stomps up n down in heavy shoes hes very loud shouting n swearing to himself can be up till3am
He never seems tp get tired but has small catnap were he feels asleep for five min i try not to let him hes no interest now in anything on tv .i have to have the door locked been doing that since nov as he will try and walk out the door .im just not sure were he needs to be its all too much 😩
I think you have been extraordinarily brave and patient.....but I think the time has come for him to have proffesional care and for you to try and get some normality back for yourself.
 

deepetshopboy

Registered User
Jul 7, 2008
521
0
I think you have been extraordinarily brave and patient.....but I think the time has come for him to have proffesional care and for you to try and get some normality back for yourself.
Thanks its been like this since 2018
Ive been trying it all bar cutting my arm off
No help
Neglected by all involved had to fight for everything do everything myself
Very isolating n lonely
Marrige collapsed in midst of it too
Give up life to move in
Going bck to no social life no job no husband no money nothing to look forward to but visiting dad in a care hime ☹️I know i cant do it all no human being would
 

deepetshopboy

Registered User
Jul 7, 2008
521
0
Also have the task of cleaning /sorting his flat out 25x yrs of hording
his lovely cat who he loves to bits ill maybe try n keep her its too unbearable
And handing the keys bck to the council sorting the bills out its so daunting
Not even sure how long he can legelly stay whilst in care /home hospital as im living here 😩
 

Jessbow

Registered User
Mar 1, 2013
3,695
0
West Hertfordshire
Presumably a council flat - are you registered with them as a resident? ( this will be reflected in such as council tax single person reduction.)

You will probably have to vacate the flat within a month if you are not on the tenancy.

if all else fails call 999 if he is aggressive ( and then dont refuse to let him go)

I dont think its for you to decide if or not h's sectioned- thats a Dr decision. Placed out of area is better than not placed at all
 

deepetshopboy

Registered User
Jul 7, 2008
521
0
Presumably a council flat - are you registered with them as a resident? ( this will be reflected in such as council tax single person reduction.)

You will probably have to vacate the flat within a month if you are not on the tenancy.

if all else fails call 999 if he is aggressive ( and then dont refuse to let him go)

I dont think its for you to decide if or not h's sectioned- thats a Dr decision. Placed out of area is better than not placed at all
Yes council
No not registered was going try to but due to dads erratic behaviour/issues with him and him signing the tenancy couldn’t do it and have to be on tenancy a yr
Yes i know its not up to me to get him section but i do feel like they know hes very unwell happy to let me to continue it despite safeguarding and him beung agaited etc
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
5,952
0
Southampton
at 111 they do have a mental health specialist which might be better than general. thats what they are there for. dont try and do it on your own any more. you have gone above and beyond to look after your dad. SS will let you carry on till you drop because they are not the ones looking after him and being a target for the aggression and shouting.
 

Banjomansmate

Registered User
Jan 13, 2019
3,023
0
Dorset
You will not have to sign off the council flat until it has been agreed that your Dad will be staying in residential care permanently. As you have been living there caring for him maybe the Council may look approvingly on you staying?
 

Melles Belles

Registered User
Jul 4, 2017
781
0
South east
Did you give up your own tenancy to move in to look after your dad?
You have saved the LA a lot of money by looking after him at home for so long.
The LA should take note.
I assume you’re under 60 years old?
 

jennifer1967

Registered User
Mar 15, 2020
5,952
0
Southampton
Did you give up your own tenancy to move in to look after your dad?
You have saved the LA a lot of money by looking after him at home for so long.
The LA should take note.
I assume you’re under 60 years old?
maybe they could allocate a flat for yourself if they decide you cant stay there as you said you didnt want to continue living in that area
 

deepetshopboy

Registered User
Jul 7, 2008
521
0
maybe they could allocate a flat for yourself if they decide you cant stay there as you said you didnt want to continue living in that area
I already got advice from a solicitor
My dad would have to sign hes tenancy to me ( not able ) or actually pass away
I would need to be on hes tenancy for a yr ( im not ) its all got to be properly and they wont let me just stay (i can ask but extremely doubtful
 

deepetshopboy

Registered User
Jul 7, 2008
521
0
Did you give up your own tenancy to move in to look after your dad?
You have saved the LA a lot of money by looking after him at home for so long.
The LA should take note.
I assume you’re under 60 years old?
I am
Under 60
I signed my tenancy to my son but has contuied to live in my old place so i can go there if i want i doubt very much the la will allow me to stay has to be that im in tenancy for year /dad has to pass away /or be able to sign tenancy to me
I can ask but will thousands waiting they will say no that ive got somewere to go
 

Palerider

Registered User
Aug 9, 2015
2,697
0
North West
I am
Under 60
I signed my tenancy to my son but has contuied to live in my old place so i can go there if i want i doubt very much the la will allow me to stay has to be that im in tenancy for year /dad has to pass away /or be able to sign tenancy to me
I can ask but will thousands waiting they will say no that ive got somewere to go
I was just quickly reading your thread. If you have a property somewhere else than you should go there. I am so sorry to read all of what has happened but the LA won't support two properties and maybe its time to decide on what happens and where you go from here. At least you have a choice, I didn't have any in the end and I had to sell the family home....it never works out how we expect it to in the end...but you do have a home to go to and rebuild....so take it
 

deepetshopboy

Registered User
Jul 7, 2008
521
0
I was just quickly reading your thread. If you have a property somewhere else than you should go there. I am so sorry to read all of what has happened but the LA won't support two properties and maybe its time to decide on what happens and where you go from here. At least you have a choice, I didn't have any in the end and I had to sell the family home....it never works out how we expect it to in the end...but you do have a home to go to and rebuild....so take it
Hi i had no plans to stay here anyway
Thats not my concern my concern is for my father and what is going happen to him ! 😩
The reason I mentioned hes property is being it was picked up by previous poster as I mentioned how long hes allowed to stay whilst in care home as i need to sort hes possessions /bills out etc normally council only give a month but ill find out
Hes not gone anywere yet so ill cross that bridge when i come to it
 

Kapow

Registered User
Nov 17, 2019
124
0
Thanks its been like this since 2018
Ive been trying it all bar cutting my arm off
No help
Neglected by all involved had to fight for everything do everything myself
Very isolating n lonely
Marrige collapsed in midst of it too
Give up life to move in
Going bck to no social life no job no husband no money nothing to look forward to but visiting dad in a care hime ☹️I know i cant do it all no human being would
Keep checking in on here...always someone to chat to.I feel for you....I am married yet there is no marriage if you know what I mean..I am simply my husband's carer and cleaner,that's how I feel.Anyhow,I know how self destroying it can be,I really do.