1. Fortysomething

    Fortysomething Registered User

    Sep 3, 2003
    2
    Kent
    Hi everyone, I am a new user on this site and have found it through trying to find out if the signs my dad are displaying may point to dementia. He's 79 and has become increasingly frail over the past few months, also forgetful and confused. He says its just old age, but some of these things are really bothering me. His memory is shot, he can't remember what day it is, he just sits in his chair all day and has a very negative attitude on life, which he never used to have. He's started doing silly things which at the moment aren't dangerous, just daft, like walking into the kitchen last night to tell me my husband was home, but not thinking to go and open the door for him! Then setting the table at our little kitchen one, instead of seeing that the main table was already set. He put wash liquid in the conditioner drawer of the washer. He won't walk anywhere even though he has a physio come to see him to try and encourage him. He's 'waiting for god' as my hubby says. I personally find it hard to cope with all this and don't know whether to make him go to the doctor for a diagnosis or not. I fear it would really upset him and it would be difficult to make him go. He's probably afraid and I understand that. I don't know whether just to accept it and stop pushing him or keep on at him. Maybe it's my feelings that are the problem! We have a comfortable home, no financial difficulties and he has everything done for him. I also have an adult son with autism living at home who. although he doesn't create any problems, still needs supervising and running around, and I think I'm entering the 'change' which doesn't help, as I'm all over the place! I just need someone to talk to outside the home who understands what I'm feeling, and help to sort it all out. I'm usually a very capable person, but maybe because it's so close to home I'm finding it hard to cope. Sorry to have gone on, but it has helped just putting it all down. Any support or advice would be greatly appreciated.
     
  2. Angela

    Angela Registered User

    May 28, 2003
    151
    Wales
    Hi
    You do really need to get dad checked over by the GP. These "odd things" you are noticing may be caused by something else such as an infection, (eg urine).
    It is alot like the discussion on another thread, do we tell our loved one that they have a form of dementia?
    I apreciate when you say it may be your feelings that are the problem. Often I say to people who have doubts about the lifestyle and activities of those WITH a diagnosed dementia "Whose problem is it?"
    But I think you would find that the general consensus is that a diagnosis is important to the person with the illness and the family.
    I'm glad you typed as you did, and hope you get a little of the support that you need from us.
     
  3. Fortysomething

    Fortysomething Registered User

    Sep 3, 2003
    2
    Kent
    Thanks Angela for the reply. It's good to know there are people out there willing to listen!
    As it happens, I had to take dad to see the GP today as he had started feeling 'yucky' (his words) and felt he ought to see him. I always go in with him so I can take in what's being said and sat behind dad so he couldn't see me! We explained between us what had been going on and I'm pulling faces at the doc in the hope he would get the gist of what I wanted to say! I explained dad was very confused and down and could it be caused by a physical problem (all the time making faces!) and bless him he obviusly understood what I was doing. He prescribed antibiotics just in case there is a latent infection and also a low dose anti-depressant to try and lift his mood. He's also contacting the hospital to get his 6 monthly check with the geriatric consultant brought forward from January. He acknowledged that dad has deteriorated since he last saw him some months ago. This is the same doctor who has been sitting on forms sent to him by the Attendance Allowance people for 10 weeks (so I found out last week) so we mentioned those as well and hopefully he'll get them done and put something favourable in.
    I know it's early days but I feel better knowing something has been done.
    Many thanks again, will continue to read the site letters and will post again at a later date.
    Angela (another one!)
     

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