Hello
Just returning to this thread again with a further thought. Losing a loved one will always be painful, Carers do not mostly just get over it and move on, much as others might want them to.
For Carers the pain I suggest is more intense. Dementia involves so many “little deaths” along the way. I was shielding with mum for almost a year. In reality a part from weekly Skype sessions with my siblings, me and mum disappeared into our own Dementia centred world. We became so very close surrounded by a world I found confusing at times, let alone poor mum.
That isolation before mum’s death, dealing with each Dementia decline in her abilities all made her loss the harder to deal with. In that I am very much not on my own. I just think as Carers we grieve but sometimes we forget the demands which were made on us and linger in the memory. In the years immediately after death we have so many Dementia memories fresh in our mind.
Today I am sitting in the shade in the back garden. Butterflies pass me by, the odd bee, in the background young kids playing at lunchtime at a nearby school can be heard. Years ago as a young child I sat with my granny in her back garden. So the cycle of life goes on. You are right mum this truly is a “beautiful world”. I miss you mum, it still hurts, but I realise now my initial fear of forgetting you is not real. I still remember the things you use to say, the fun we had over so many years. Dementia was cruel to you, but I was able to love and support you through it. That developed me as a person, I think now compared to the past a better one. So mum I will sit here and “watch the world go by”, knowing that you are very likely sat with me as well.
Sorry bit of a rambling comment, but for the first time since mum died I felt an unknown feeling today, took me a while to recognise what it was. Just happy, glad to be a live, able to remember mum pre Dementia, feel sad at her going, but joyous at having known her. There will be bad days to come, tears at times, but gradually I can let go of Dementia mum and cherish old mum. Something just a few weeks ago would have sounded impossible.
Best wishes to everyone.