They won't do that it would mean they would have to spend time with her
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Does anyone snap at the person they care for
- Thread starter Kellie-Ann
- Start date
I tells them to walk a day in my shoes cos then they will know it's not easy being a carer watching someone go through what nan and everybody else's loved ones has to go through each and everyday knowing you can't do anything to take it all away
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I do the same Lexy,
It's the only way I can deal with it,
But I'm trying hard not to take things my mum says sometimes,to heart.
It's hard though.
Hi
my mum became unwell last may and her progression has been very quick. its worth me pointing out, that i have up until caring for my mum, worked in mental health and been threatened with everything from plant pots to hammers and dealt with it, without fear.
since Christmas i was living in total fear of my mum and the abuse she threw at me. a couple months ago the abuse became very sexual in nature and it made me physical sick. she also use to accuse me of abusing my 3 year old. in march this year she punch me in the face, whilst i was holding my son. i am now not living with her, but care for her 7am-8pm each day.
it is so easy to feel guilty about snapping back at them, but like others have said its a natural response, not to the person but the thing that is making them act this way, we cant see it but its there.
up until the last couple of weeks my mum was coming to my home and verbally abusing me and i tell her to leave ~(making sure she was safely returned to her home, fed etc). the next day i go and see her and make it clear i love her and know shes not feeling herself, but i will not except that behavior. she didn't have a clue and denied she acted in that way but it made me feel better telling her not to treat me like that. i would then say lets move on, with her looking at me like i was mad, but agreeing.
everyone will snap or feel like they have snapped when they feel like they should be a saint.
I've been lucky, they have put my mum on an anti psychotic medication which has took that all away (for now), but on the other hand its also took her fight away.
i know how you feel and its so hard, balancing being caring with wanting to defend yourself with this vile disease.
good luck and keep hold of any good times
x
my mum became unwell last may and her progression has been very quick. its worth me pointing out, that i have up until caring for my mum, worked in mental health and been threatened with everything from plant pots to hammers and dealt with it, without fear.
since Christmas i was living in total fear of my mum and the abuse she threw at me. a couple months ago the abuse became very sexual in nature and it made me physical sick. she also use to accuse me of abusing my 3 year old. in march this year she punch me in the face, whilst i was holding my son. i am now not living with her, but care for her 7am-8pm each day.
it is so easy to feel guilty about snapping back at them, but like others have said its a natural response, not to the person but the thing that is making them act this way, we cant see it but its there.
up until the last couple of weeks my mum was coming to my home and verbally abusing me and i tell her to leave ~(making sure she was safely returned to her home, fed etc). the next day i go and see her and make it clear i love her and know shes not feeling herself, but i will not except that behavior. she didn't have a clue and denied she acted in that way but it made me feel better telling her not to treat me like that. i would then say lets move on, with her looking at me like i was mad, but agreeing.
everyone will snap or feel like they have snapped when they feel like they should be a saint.
I've been lucky, they have put my mum on an anti psychotic medication which has took that all away (for now), but on the other hand its also took her fight away.
i know how you feel and its so hard, balancing being caring with wanting to defend yourself with this vile disease.
good luck and keep hold of any good times
x
It's not nice seeing them go through it but you it's not them saying the nasty things but sometimes I can't help but snap only because it's hurt me so much if that makes sense
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I've certainly said things I wished I hadn't
Not so much snapped but corrected things, identified the ironic - none of it made any difference to my mum - was all about me/my insecurities/pride/ego whatever
We are all human I guess - need cut some slack
Not so much snapped but corrected things, identified the ironic - none of it made any difference to my mum - was all about me/my insecurities/pride/ego whatever
We are all human I guess - need cut some slack
Good to hear responses to this and to know that I am not alone in feeling like this.
I have always prided myself on my patience with my mum, but recently have found myself snapping back at her when she makes hurtful comments to me.
Whilst most of the time she doesn't know who I am, some of her current behaviour is very much the same as it was when I was growing up ( angry, volatile etc) and so it brings back bad memories, as well as being hurtful when I am trying to do the best I can to care for her along with the rest of the family.
I end up feeling so guilty after responding to what she has said or done ( whether or not she can hear what I've said ) and I feel like a bad person.
When I leave after the weekend I often end up feeling quite sad and empty, especially when at other times she can be so lovely and sweet natured. How I hate dementia.
I have always prided myself on my patience with my mum, but recently have found myself snapping back at her when she makes hurtful comments to me.
Whilst most of the time she doesn't know who I am, some of her current behaviour is very much the same as it was when I was growing up ( angry, volatile etc) and so it brings back bad memories, as well as being hurtful when I am trying to do the best I can to care for her along with the rest of the family.
I end up feeling so guilty after responding to what she has said or done ( whether or not she can hear what I've said ) and I feel like a bad person.
When I leave after the weekend I often end up feeling quite sad and empty, especially when at other times she can be so lovely and sweet natured. How I hate dementia.
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I have been thinking about this it's not my nan I'm trying to shock it's letting the illness know I will stand for it and in my own way I'm trying to pull my nan back
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That's actually very well put. I used to correct mum and tell her the truth when she was confused. I know I was trying to bring her back to me. Back to my reality. I now know it's a losing battle (though I must confess I do still sometimes try!).
I feel for you Kellie Ann x
Even if I see the true nan just for a split second I thinks this might just work ( false hope for me lol)
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I have never snapped at Mum. I get frustrated, and answering the same question over and over at times, can do my head in, but have never shown anger.
Mum is at mild/moderate level. For most of the time she still has the same temperament as before diagnosis. I know this might change.
The one I have snapped at is my Dad, who either refuses or chooses not to accept (or possibly understand) Mums limitations, and why she does things and says things.
On one hand he can agree with me thats Mums memory has gotten bad to the point where she cannot be by her self at home, but then he will berate Mum because I have had to write a reminder on her white board for her, or he will play a silly trick on her memory when she asks what day it is.
At times though he can be quite helpful, getting her breakfast in bed, cups of coffee, cooking the main meals etc.
So far this is what I have found most exasperating.
Mum is at mild/moderate level. For most of the time she still has the same temperament as before diagnosis. I know this might change.
The one I have snapped at is my Dad, who either refuses or chooses not to accept (or possibly understand) Mums limitations, and why she does things and says things.
On one hand he can agree with me thats Mums memory has gotten bad to the point where she cannot be by her self at home, but then he will berate Mum because I have had to write a reminder on her white board for her, or he will play a silly trick on her memory when she asks what day it is.
At times though he can be quite helpful, getting her breakfast in bed, cups of coffee, cooking the main meals etc.
So far this is what I have found most exasperating.
I wish my nan was not as bad as she is but I'm trying to learn to cope with the different stages but it's hard it's the illness I snap at cos I know my nan is in there somewhere
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