1. Expert Q&A: Protecting a person with dementia from financial abuse - Weds 26 June, 3:30-4:30 pm

    Financial abuse can have serious consequences for a person with dementia. Find out how to protect a person with dementia from financial abuse.

    Sam, our Knowledge Officer (Legal and Welfare Rights) is our expert on this topic. She will be here to answer your questions on Wednesday 26 June between 3:30 - 4:30 pm.

    You can either post questions >here< or email them to us at talkingpoint@alzheimers.org.uk and we'll answer as many as we can on the day.

Does anyone else feel like this?....

Discussion in 'ARCHIVE FORUM: Support discussions' started by MITCH, Feb 23, 2007.

  1. MITCH

    MITCH Registered User

    Dec 21, 2006
    12
    Cheshire
    We all know that this disease is horrid - it takes our loved ones away each day. But what happens if you start to dislike the person that they have become - in real life you wouldn't bother with them but in reality you have to - they are part of you. Mum is running my Dad (her carer) ragged - her tone and words are awful - her looks towards him are one of hate. Really upsets me to see this - they are my parents after all. It takes me back to my childhood - when all they ever did was argue - today I visited but had to come away after 1/2 hr as it was all getting to me. Don't want to sound 'me me me' but I feel so awful and guilty for having the thought that I don't like my Mum anymore !:confused:
     
  2. Lucille

    Lucille Registered User

    Sep 10, 2005
    542
    Hi Mitch

    A resounding YES! from me. You don't sound all 'me, me, me' at all. I know exactly where you are coming from. A few weeks ago when I was at my mum's we had such a row, I felt awful, guilty and a careless daughter afterwards. But her attitude towards me was vile. I just wanted to walk out and not come back, but I'd just been driving for 4 hours to get there, so practicalities kicked in!

    I know we're all told 'it's the disease' and not the person in front of us, but it is VERY difficult when you (and your dad) are faced with someone who seemingly, isn't the person you've known. Perhaps getting away from it was the best thing you could have done in the circumstances.

    Take a deep breath and be there for your dad.
     
  3. soulsmilin

    soulsmilin Registered User

    Feb 13, 2007
    43
    Tyne and wear
    hey there,

    Blame it on the genes, and try to take time out for yourself so that your don't feel burnt out, sometimes its easier to take out our fustrations on those closest to us, so take time to do the little things that you like.

    Sometimes saying that although you care about someone their behaviour is not fair, and sometimes its best to challenge them when its unacceptable say so.

    Know that everyone has days like that and hope tomorrow will be better.

    Remember one thing that makes you smile and at times when you feel like this take time to remember the person and the way they have been, you can think about them, or you can tell them how wonderful you felt at the time, that some thing happened..., you always made me feel so...safe/ funny/ comfortable when....

    hope this helps
    soulsmilin
     
  4. Margarita

    Margarita Registered User

    Feb 17, 2006
    10,824
    london
    #4 Margarita, Feb 23, 2007
    Last edited: Feb 23, 2007
    Back in those days, oh how I remember them mum dad arguing or should I say mum arguing with dad my father would not rise to it. Took a lot to wind my father up,

    It does take you back in time when you visit and its happening , but then its they relationship and I know its hard to stand back as they is so many memories of childhood, the thing is its not those day is it .

    I felt so like you in those days, so I know where you’re coming from .


    I hope you don't mind me saying soulsmilin when you said


    You can’t challenge someone who is mentality disabled , you can try and all your going to feel like is more frustrated in yourself I only know because I use to do it .

    then I found that this help me a lot


    you can walk out , take a walk around the corrner , count to 10 , 20 . go to the loo . Wink , smile at your father and try to change the subject and let them rant , they soon stop
     

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