Dreading the visit, dreading the phone calls, yes, all of those. Pretty much every post I recognise similarities and hope things can get better. Things were working really well. I was calling by 3 or 4 times a week, with shopping and just making sure that all was OK. When I first started doing all the shopping, it was almost like Christmas with a Mum excited to see what I had bought. I bought a halogen oven as Mum would frequently put things on / in the cooker and then forget and they would burn. She loved this and the ability to easily select a temperature and time as I labelled all food with cooking instructions. Also buying food with the longest possible shelf life and again labelling use by dates. I then noticed a change. The more I cleaned the more there was to clean. Third parties began mentioning things to me like seeing Mum out in the garden in the nice weather and having eaten her sandwiches and drink, and when the simple comment, 'don't forget your plate and mug' that the reply was 'oh, I don't have to do that anymore as my daughter does all that for me'. And this was true as I would frequently spot mugs and plates all over the place and have to retrieve them. But that's also when the nastiness seemed to start. I'd had offered to take her out and would get there and just not be able to go until I made sure things were at least clean and hygienic. You then start to question by trying to care whether in fact you are the one that has released this demon. She does little now but sit and get herself worked up over things and being nasty. When you work full time and as I do, more than 9-5 hours, there just isn't time in the day. My housework would suffer. While her finances became a priority, my own would fall by the wayside as well as my own diet as just not enough time to do a proper meal for myself. Everything that is bad about her life (which is everything as she doesn't seem to get pleasure from anything nowadays) appears to be my fault. I was feeling very run down but was determined to do everything I could. The final ignition to her hatred was a little over a month ago when I went down with that nasty bug that is doing the rounds. Not quite flu, but for three days, could barely shift myself from the bed or the sofa. I phoned Mum to say that I couldn't do her shopping and therefore we needed to come up with an alternative: I arrange a taxi, my brother helps out (who lives equi distance to myself) or I arrange a home delivery. She shouted abuse at me. I was lying, I wasn't ill (although everyone else I had spoken to on phone had immediately said 'you sound awful') and it was just that I didn't want to help her anymore. I was selfish and that was because I had never had children, was selfish, etc, etc. My Dad has been dead for almost 10 years and I have been the one throughout that time who has given up n a social life to make sure I visited her every week, I have always had her for Christmas. I so wanted to be able to enable her to stay in the home she has been in for about 40 years. The last time I saw her I had to leave quickly as her anger was so great that I was convinced she was going to hit me. I am certain her condition is worse as a recent blood test has shown concerns over blood sugar and she isn't complying with her meds, but the GP and Social Services have been very slow to react to my concerns. It doesn't matter what evidence is put in front of her to show that I haven't stolen her car or her money (in fact I was the person who drove the claim for Attendance Allowance and her no longer having to pay Council Tax). I have also got money back for her from 'scammers' and 'rogue traders' to the tune of thousands of pounds. I try to ignore all of this, knowing that I have sacrificed so much and been the only one who has really actively helped her, but it does become all consuming, hanging over you like a heavy cloud and even in sleep, I can have some really horrible dreams. The report released last week about a majority of those who die in care homes have malnutrition, dehydration and bed sores detailed on their autopsy reports really upsets me, along with the reports of the staff shortages within the NHS and the social care sectors. Knowing also that things will get worse also doesn't help and although you try to be ahead of the game, you can still end up shocked by what happens. It certainly does help knowing that others are around and even if the answers are not there, that you gain support, advice and virtual hugs.