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Doctors call

Discussion in 'End of life care' started by Rettaere, May 18, 2017.

  1. Rettaere

    Rettaere Registered User

    Sep 30, 2014
    232
    Liverpool
    Hi Everyone,
    Well doctor phoned me yesterday and told me she is contacting district nurses, getting everything in place and told me my Auntie has weeks to live. She told me to contact family and let them know.
    I was in middle of tesco and my heart broke, she had only been called out because care home said my aunt had diarrhoea through the night and her breathing was shallow and she wasn't her normal self.
    I know she has lost so much weight and looks so frail, but how do they know???? I went to see her straight away
    the past week she has been very sleepy but is still eating and drinking, literally gulping drinks down in one go through straw. Her face looked so pinched and she was drifting in and out of sleep but staring at me, her eyes look so sad and I told her how much everyone loves her and how special she is. Carers said to me it's such a shock and how much they are going to miss her, but again how do they know her time is here. I am broken and don't know what to do. I feel that I should be doing something but what can I do????? Can they be wrong??? Any advice please.
    Devastated Retta X
     
  2. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    64,220
    Kent
    Hello Rettaere

    I`m so sorry to read this . It is obvious to anyone how much this news has affected you.

    I`m sure the experiences of the doctor and carers means they have seen this stage of the illness before and do know what they are talking about.

    All you can do is be with your Auntie as much as possible. Comfort her with your presence. Make sure those who are attending to her needs keep her pain free and comfortable and let nature take its course.
     
  3. Rettaere

    Rettaere Registered User

    Sep 30, 2014
    232
    Liverpool
    Thank you x

    Hi Grannie G,
    Thank you so much, just brings back memories of my mum and also is such a shock. I have and I am trying to make every day special and all the carers think the world of my auntie as her humour was so unique.
    I am worried how this will affect my dad as since my mum past away he had visited my aunt 3 times a week and it keeps his mind occupied and he feels useful. It's such a cruel illness and I really do appreciate you taking time to reply.
    Thank you soo much
    Hugs Retta XXX
     
  4. Grannie G

    Grannie G Volunteer Moderator

    Apr 3, 2006
    64,220
    Kent
    It`s obvious you are a very close family Retta, so you and your dad will be left to look after each other.

    Take care. x
     
  5. Rettaere

    Rettaere Registered User

    Sep 30, 2014
    232
    Liverpool
    Dilema

    Hi everyone,
    I am at my wits end, my auntie looks so frail, scratching at skin more now and going more rigid, carers are worried they are hurting her when changing her and turning her in bed. I sat with all her old photos and went through them with her, she was just staring at me and my heart is breaking, I can see the change in her ever day.
    My dilema is I am due to go to Belfast on Tuesday with my dad to see my brother, who my dad hasn't seen since November and it's his birthday, only for 3 days but I feel torn, do I leave my auntie or do I let my dad down.
    Also worse than that, I go on holiday with my dad on 22nd June for two weeks, I took my mums place after she passed away and it's only thing my dad looks forward to( he is 80 this year) but with my aunt being so poorly and being told she only has weeks, what can I do?? I am trying to work out a solution. Carers said don't worry but I am my aunts next of kin and also don't want to leave her, she is so special and I promised my uncle I would look after her. I don't want to end up ill again and still have cbt to get but postponed it so I would have more time to visit my aunt. I feel so guilty and can't see how I can just leave her on her own.
    Heartbroken Retta
    XXX
     
  6. LadyA

    LadyA Volunteer Host

    Oct 19, 2009
    11,529
    Ireland
    For now, don't borrow trouble. 22nd June is over a month away yet.

    The trip to Belfast - I would say go. It's not far. Make sure the staff have your number. This is a very hard time for you and your family. Wishing you strength for the coming weeks.
     
  7. Rettaere

    Rettaere Registered User

    Sep 30, 2014
    232
    Liverpool
    Hi Lady A,
    I know and carers said same but the guilt is eating away at me, they ring me over any matter at all and I have told them it doesn't matter what time it is ring me.
    Thank you for replying.
    Hugs Retta X
     
  8. Rosnpton

    Rosnpton Registered User

    Mar 19, 2017
    383
    Northants
    I would still take dad to see your brother etc.you say the home contact you,so you will know if anything happens.
    Would your auntie want you to be so torn up over what to do? Wouldn't she - if she could- persuade you to go,try and have a good time, and then go back to her?

    The waiting is horrid,your auntie may continue to deteriorate rapidly or may reach a plateau where she stays for a few days etc.

    Have you asked your brother what he thinks re dad visiting etc?
    Would dad be up to travelling on his own if you don't go with him?

    No way to solve this for you
    Sending best wishes and hope whatever you decide,it works for you
    Ros
     
  9. Rettaere

    Rettaere Registered User

    Sep 30, 2014
    232
    Liverpool
    Hi Ros,
    Thank you and I know my Aunt would say stop worrying and just remember you can be back quick.Ive just come home from care home, my aunt hadn't ate from breakfast but I had took rice pudding and she ate it all so I was happy, I keep telling her how amazing she is and how much I love her.
    My brother wouldn't mind but it's my dad and since his heart attack in 2014 he relies on me and I don't want to let him down and he wouldn't go on his own on plane.
    I've spoken to carers and they all say same just go and I do have people who will check on my aunt for me so she isn't alone.
    Thank you for replying and for all your advice.
    Hugs Retta X
     
  10. Rettaere

    Rettaere Registered User

    Sep 30, 2014
    232
    Liverpool
    Thank you,
    My dad is my world and I promised mum I'd look after him x
     
  11. Rosnpton

    Rosnpton Registered User

    Mar 19, 2017
    383
    Northants
    I really hope you get to take your dad and have a reasonable break with your brother and him
    Try thinking of it as building memories of a good time with them,rather than not seeing your auntie
    I will be thinking of you and wishing you all the best
    Ros

    Thank you and I know my Aunt would say stop worrying and just remember you can be back quick.Ive just come home from care home, my aunt hadn't ate from breakfast but I had took rice pudding and she ate it all so I was happy, I keep telling her how amazing she is and how much I love her.
    My brother wouldn't mind but it's my dad and since his heart attack in 2014 he relies on me and I don't want to let him down and he wouldn't go on his own on plane.
    I've spoken to carers and they all say same just go and I do have people who will check on my aunt for me so she isn't alone.
    Thank you for replying and for all your advice.
    Hugs Retta X[/QUOTE]
     
  12. Rettaere

    Rettaere Registered User

    Sep 30, 2014
    232
    Liverpool
    [/QUOTE]

    Hi Ros,
    Thanks and I will try, my aunt has been OK today ate n drank loads and I visited for a while, still scratching her skin which is a battle as she cuts herself and I'm sure it's painful but she never complains,going again after work tomorrow and checking everything is OK.
    People are so helpful and so understanding I value every word said to me.
    Hugs Retta Xxx
     
  13. Rettaere

    Rettaere Registered User

    Sep 30, 2014
    232
    Liverpool
    Home tonight

    Hi Everyone,
    I am home from Belfast tonight and everything has been OK for my aunt, she is still eating and drinking and I rang home constantly and they have looked after her, they are all so good and I can't praise them enough for taking caring to that extra level.
    Thank you all for making me not feel so guilty for coming here but I will feel much less stressed when I land back on Liverpool soil.
    Hugs
    Retta X
     
  14. Rosnpton

    Rosnpton Registered User

    Mar 19, 2017
    383
    Northants
    Hi retain
    I'm so pleased you were able to take your dad to your brother and that the visit went well.i do hope you didn't worry all the time? Silly question,I know, but were you able to switch off a little?
    It's good that you know your aunt was well looked after,and you feel confident in the carers at the home now,and you know that they will do the best for your aunt.
    Sometimes,it is good to step back a little and leave them to it.
    I bet you will have a lovely visit with your aunt this weekend
    Best wishes
    Ros
     
  15. Rettaere

    Rettaere Registered User

    Sep 30, 2014
    232
    Liverpool
    Truth

    Hi Ros,
    Not really I phoned care home constantly, plane was delayed coming home so just off to bed now had to charge phone. My aunt was actually in lounge today having lolly ices so things looking good.
    I enjoyed seeing my family and my dad enjoyed himself but the worry never goes and I didn't stop thinking.
    Thank You
    Hugs Retta Xxx
     
  16. Rosnpton

    Rosnpton Registered User

    Mar 19, 2017
    383
    Northants
    What a shame you were delayed getting home.i bet you were on edge the whole
    time-I know I would have been.
    How nice that auntie was having an ice lolly,it shows the ch recognises the need for treats as well as just 3meals a day.
    Have you the bank holiday off work-will you be able to have a few visits with auntie and still a bit of 'you time'?
    Best wishes
    Ros
     
  17. Rettaere

    Rettaere Registered User

    Sep 30, 2014
    232
    Liverpool
    Hi Ros,
    Been to see my auntie, she had ate fish and peas and a yogurt, we sat looking at all the photos I took, don't really get much reaction but I just chat away telling her all about my few days. She has been scratching skin so full of cuts and scrapes but tried everything for well over a year and a half nearly and nothing stops it. I am just so glad to be home and close to her.
    I am working Monday but will still visit, I am off until then so spent a few hours today and brought the carers a few goodies and also my aunt.
    Thank you for replying.
    Hugs Retta X
     
  18. Rettaere

    Rettaere Registered User

    Sep 30, 2014
    232
    Liverpool
    Best Day

    My aunt was so great today, I got loads of smiles and she even waved goodbye to me, I was so happy. This is the best I've seen her in months, a smile makes you feel so good.
    Had to share this.
    Hugs Retta X
     
  19. Rosnpton

    Rosnpton Registered User

    Mar 19, 2017
    383
    Northants
    Hi retain
    That is such good news
    It sounds as if auntie has settled well
    You can go to work today safe in the knowledge that she is well cared for
    Best wishes
    Ros x
     
  20. Rettaere

    Rettaere Registered User

    Sep 30, 2014
    232
    Liverpool
    Hi Ros,
    Yeah she was brilliant, Carers have today gave her diazapam as she is going more n more rigid and wincing when they are changing her, I didn't have a clue what it was but thanks to all the wonderful people on here I do now.
    The carers in care home have all been there since it opened and my aunt went there in 2014, they know my aunt and can tell when things are not right.
    I've seen her after work and carers say it's much better changing her now so all is good.
    Hugs Retta X
     

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