This thread is inspired by a new member who private messaged me (and I'm so sorry I accidentally deleted your message when I deleted others and now I don't know how to PM you again until I see you online once more) and apologised for not being bright and cheery (or words to that effect).
I wanted to say to this member and any other member who gets tired of, or frustrated with, always feeling upset, sad, down, teary etc, please, please don't feel bad and don't feel you need to apologise, I even dare to say celebrate it, it means you are a caring human being! (as others here have said to me you can't ever be too emotional). It doesn't mean you are weak, pathetic, not coping (and all of those other words I've thrown at myself when embarassed at my habit of crying at the drop of a hat in recent years).
In fact I'll give you some good news about all this crying and feeling like you are the only one who can't handle things, ....I reckon its both good for you and good for the person you are caring for. (the reason I say celebrate it)
I'm not saying bawl your eyes out in front of them, I mean its good for them because by you being able to let your sadness out on a regular basis means that you aren't holding things in, so you are a lot less likely to yell at them, get angry, be mean, resent them and so on.
Its good for you because, its never healthy to hold in emotion over a long period of time (and this disease can mean a long time of holding in) and because I've found at least in my experience it can help you come to terms with each stage of the disease, and the grieving. I cry and cry and cry and then I am calm for a long while until Dad again slips further down that trail of stages. Then I cry again until I am calm.
For quite a long time I worried about my inability to 'cope' why was i always crying when i thought of Dad, or of the past when things were normal. I was so worried that eventually I went to a counsellor to see if they could help me to stop crying. This is what the counsellor said to me,
"Natalie, your father is dying, he's been dying for a long time now, you see a little bit of him die everyday, and you have to watch him go through things you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy,.....you should be crying."
Even then I still tried to argue the point and she just repeated,
"Natalie, your father is dying, he's been dying for a long time now, you see a little bit of him die everyday, and you have to watch him go through things you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy,.....its normal to be crying."
I must say here though that there will be those of you who feel that you can't cry yet, because you are scared that if you cry, you may never be able to stop and you've got too much on your plate right now, caring for your loved one that you can't afford to fall apart just yet. For you, I hope that this post will help you feel okay about 'falling apart' if it happens to you, or you feel you can't keep the act up anymore.
One more thing on that celebrating thing, I celebrate my crying because it re-affirms that I am a caring person and most of all because by leting all my sad emotion out I find when I do spend time with Dad, I can just sit there and love him, and love him and love him.
Nat
I wanted to say to this member and any other member who gets tired of, or frustrated with, always feeling upset, sad, down, teary etc, please, please don't feel bad and don't feel you need to apologise, I even dare to say celebrate it, it means you are a caring human being! (as others here have said to me you can't ever be too emotional). It doesn't mean you are weak, pathetic, not coping (and all of those other words I've thrown at myself when embarassed at my habit of crying at the drop of a hat in recent years).
In fact I'll give you some good news about all this crying and feeling like you are the only one who can't handle things, ....I reckon its both good for you and good for the person you are caring for. (the reason I say celebrate it)
I'm not saying bawl your eyes out in front of them, I mean its good for them because by you being able to let your sadness out on a regular basis means that you aren't holding things in, so you are a lot less likely to yell at them, get angry, be mean, resent them and so on.
Its good for you because, its never healthy to hold in emotion over a long period of time (and this disease can mean a long time of holding in) and because I've found at least in my experience it can help you come to terms with each stage of the disease, and the grieving. I cry and cry and cry and then I am calm for a long while until Dad again slips further down that trail of stages. Then I cry again until I am calm.
For quite a long time I worried about my inability to 'cope' why was i always crying when i thought of Dad, or of the past when things were normal. I was so worried that eventually I went to a counsellor to see if they could help me to stop crying. This is what the counsellor said to me,
"Natalie, your father is dying, he's been dying for a long time now, you see a little bit of him die everyday, and you have to watch him go through things you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy,.....you should be crying."
Even then I still tried to argue the point and she just repeated,
"Natalie, your father is dying, he's been dying for a long time now, you see a little bit of him die everyday, and you have to watch him go through things you wouldn't wish on your worst enemy,.....its normal to be crying."
I must say here though that there will be those of you who feel that you can't cry yet, because you are scared that if you cry, you may never be able to stop and you've got too much on your plate right now, caring for your loved one that you can't afford to fall apart just yet. For you, I hope that this post will help you feel okay about 'falling apart' if it happens to you, or you feel you can't keep the act up anymore.
One more thing on that celebrating thing, I celebrate my crying because it re-affirms that I am a caring person and most of all because by leting all my sad emotion out I find when I do spend time with Dad, I can just sit there and love him, and love him and love him.
Nat