Mum is in an emi dementia home primarily because she left her previous residential home on 4 occasions over a period of 18 months.
Her short term memory is poor and she left to go home. Although she was living in an area she was not familiar with, on 2 occasions she found a local taxi company and simply asked to be taken to her home town - which was 40 miles away.
On the 1st occasion she was dropped close to her last home and she walked to my brothers house around the corner. (Coincidentally or not coincidentally he had not visited her for quite some time).
On the 2nd occasion she was dropped close to what was our family home until about 1980.
On the other occasions she was found en route to the taxi and latterly a lady had asked he into her home as she was confused.
I accept that Mum has dementia - but if I'm honest I don't necessarily accept the diagnosis of early AD based on a scan which showed early AD. How on earth can they differentiate between dementia and AD specifically? My understanding is that this can only be confirmed after death.
While in the Residential Home I was told that 90% of the time she was no trouble
at all. She was very quiet and her personal hygiene was not good and she'd lost the will to live (due to the circumstances surrounding Dad's death), short term memory was dreadful and she had not grieved and was very depressed.
Anyway, she's been in the EMI Care home now for 6 weeks (early days I know) and with regular visits from myself and my 2 adult sons she seems to be brighter and is able to talk about Dad and everything else really. Her short term memory is obviously still bad - she doesn't know where she's living but she does kind of remember that she's just up the road from me.
She's always pleased to see us, is content to sit in the Residents lounge, communicates with the staff or one or two of the residents who are able to talk to her (but doesn't really initiate conversations with them) takes a keen interest in a puzzle we're doing together and has to date made no attempt to even find her way to the exit door. Her memory is however so bad that she can't find her way to her own room which is probably why she sits in the main lounge.
I worry so much that she's not in the right place - she sometimes says things like "how did it come to this" - even though she is very tolerant of the environment. She just isn't anything like as disturbed/unwell as the other residents.
My thoughts go to: Would she be better at home in her flat with a full time Carer (but she only has 1 bedroom) and the flat is 40 miles from me; or would she be better in a small home - there are only 18 residents where she is and there are usually 3 or 4 staff.
I'm struggling with all of these thoughts and have taken note of many comments on the various threads regarding guilt, martyrdom etc. BUT I JUST CAN'T SEEM TO GET PEACE OF MIND. I know I'm doing my best but somehow need to be sure that there is not a better alternative at this stage of Mum's life.
I would much appreciate it if you could focus your thoughts on Mum specifically and whether you believe I am in denial or whether maybe you agree that there might be an alternative in your replies on this occasion - 'cos I somehow need to lay this to rest if I possibly can, with your HELP.
I hope you can understand my ramblings!
Thank you.
Ellie
Her short term memory is poor and she left to go home. Although she was living in an area she was not familiar with, on 2 occasions she found a local taxi company and simply asked to be taken to her home town - which was 40 miles away.
On the 1st occasion she was dropped close to her last home and she walked to my brothers house around the corner. (Coincidentally or not coincidentally he had not visited her for quite some time).
On the 2nd occasion she was dropped close to what was our family home until about 1980.
On the other occasions she was found en route to the taxi and latterly a lady had asked he into her home as she was confused.
I accept that Mum has dementia - but if I'm honest I don't necessarily accept the diagnosis of early AD based on a scan which showed early AD. How on earth can they differentiate between dementia and AD specifically? My understanding is that this can only be confirmed after death.
While in the Residential Home I was told that 90% of the time she was no trouble
at all. She was very quiet and her personal hygiene was not good and she'd lost the will to live (due to the circumstances surrounding Dad's death), short term memory was dreadful and she had not grieved and was very depressed.
Anyway, she's been in the EMI Care home now for 6 weeks (early days I know) and with regular visits from myself and my 2 adult sons she seems to be brighter and is able to talk about Dad and everything else really. Her short term memory is obviously still bad - she doesn't know where she's living but she does kind of remember that she's just up the road from me.
She's always pleased to see us, is content to sit in the Residents lounge, communicates with the staff or one or two of the residents who are able to talk to her (but doesn't really initiate conversations with them) takes a keen interest in a puzzle we're doing together and has to date made no attempt to even find her way to the exit door. Her memory is however so bad that she can't find her way to her own room which is probably why she sits in the main lounge.
I worry so much that she's not in the right place - she sometimes says things like "how did it come to this" - even though she is very tolerant of the environment. She just isn't anything like as disturbed/unwell as the other residents.
My thoughts go to: Would she be better at home in her flat with a full time Carer (but she only has 1 bedroom) and the flat is 40 miles from me; or would she be better in a small home - there are only 18 residents where she is and there are usually 3 or 4 staff.
I'm struggling with all of these thoughts and have taken note of many comments on the various threads regarding guilt, martyrdom etc. BUT I JUST CAN'T SEEM TO GET PEACE OF MIND. I know I'm doing my best but somehow need to be sure that there is not a better alternative at this stage of Mum's life.
I would much appreciate it if you could focus your thoughts on Mum specifically and whether you believe I am in denial or whether maybe you agree that there might be an alternative in your replies on this occasion - 'cos I somehow need to lay this to rest if I possibly can, with your HELP.
I hope you can understand my ramblings!
Thank you.
Ellie
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