Do you have the same GP Surgery as the person you are caring for?

[Krug 22]

I do have a problem re continuity. I am registered at a different GP surgery to my husband. He fell out with my GP and moved - I stayed. I do actually like my GP as he ' shoots from the hip' and tells m e what the NHS is likely to do, not what it SHOULD do , especially with relation to sectioning. Also I can walk to the Surgery where as husband's would mean a taxi.

However, this does make it difficult to get help for my husband. I have written to my husband's GP who in fairness is very good. She did ask me if I thought he was confused whilst he was changing after an examination. This caused world war 3 when we got home - him threatening to sue the Surgery as she was not allowed to talk to me behind his back. I did have to fudge al ittle and say she was worried he was taking too much morphine as it was a 'controlled drug'

She did say she had taken my concerns on board. In fairness, I did not ask her to pursue the potential dementia problem as I am very frightened of my husband - he is an intellectual bully. If he thought I was trying to pursue this, then he would be very abusive.

I can see how hard it is for my GP - he did say I should ideally go and see my husbands GP but this is difficult as It is hard for me to leave the house alone and also is she under any obligation to see me? I do go with my husband to his consultations as he is quite deaf but won't admit it as apparently all GP's mumble.

I wonder how others have coped? Have they moved to the same Surgery? I did find my GP was 110% with regard to my late father and gave up his afternoon off to get the ambulance service to take my father into hospital and I do trust him. Yet I can see how much easier it would be to be at the same Surgery. MY GP says he cannot liaise directly with my husbands' GP.
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[Grannie G]

My husband and I had the same surgery until he moved to residential care where he was registered with the local surgery used by the home.

He was considered to have lost capacity and so the new GP was happy to discuss my husband`s medical issues with me.

I imagine this is the crux of the matter. If your husband is still considered to have capacity the GP cannot breach confidentiality by discussing his condition with you.

This does not mean you will not be listened to.

I reported my concerns about my mother and a neighbour to their GPs. They did not enter into a discussion but they noted my concerns and took further action.

I hope this helps.

 

[Izzy]

I had the same GP as my husband. It did make it easier in lots of ways. I felt they knew me and they knew him and saw the two of us as a family. They were able to see how his dementia impacted on me.

I had a different GP to my mother. I didn't have POA as it was too late to get it when she began to develop symptoms. Having said that I found the them excellent. They knew my mother very well and they got to know me. I attended all appointments with her and if I had concerns I phoned them. I felt I was always listened to.

I think that my experience if fortunate as I had excellent service from both.

 

[jenniferpa]

I imagine this is the crux of the matter. If your husband is still considered to have capacity the GP cannot breach confidentiality by discussing his condition with you.

Exactly. And that wouldn't be any different if you had the same GP I'm afraid. Since the GP wouldn't be able to discuss this with you I see no point in changing GPs or even arranging a visit. But what you could do is write again to the GP, making it clear that the letter is confidential because of your husband's temperament and tell her about your concerns.

 

[Krug 22]

Thanks. I think problem is that mental capacity is 'fluid' and whilst my husband is not acting in his best interests re taking medication properly (despite prompting from me), he could convince a lot of Mental Health professionals that he does have mental capacity most of the time. I am building up a relationship with his GP as I go into consultations with him, due to his deafness.Although when he heard her whispering - she was asking me if I thought he was 'confused' he was very very angry to the point of threatening to make a complaint/change Surgery (He has already threatened to sue my GP). He is full of threats though and frankly he is so muddled re dates and names of who treated him for what and where , I do not think any lawyer would take him on.......Sadly I think it is going to have to get to crisis point before I can get any help. I do not think sectioning is the way forward at the moment, as if I progressed this, and he got let out after 48 hours, heaven knows what he would be capable of. I will just keep on doing my best to get him to take the laculose and the pills properly. The painkillers are a problem as he takes them 'as needed' so cannot easily monitor when I go to bed - he sleeps donwstairs. I have set up a diary but he constantly forgets to write them in. I have done it for him but then he gets annoyed and says to stop treating him as if he has dementia! No way would he go to a Memory Clinic. He also said that the police and GP's won't get involved in Domestic Abuse situations, yet I KNOW the law changed back in 2016 when it comes to verbal abuse/threats. I will just keep on monitoring and wait for the inevitable crisis. He is also quite paranoid re GP's and nurses and thinks everyone is 'against him' which I do realise is a sign of dementia.,

 

[Grannie G]

Although when he heard her whispering - she was asking me if I thought he was 'confused' he was very very angry to the point of threatening to make a complaint/change Surgery

The biggest insult to someone who has hearing problems. I`m surprised the GP didn`t have more sensitivity.

Even though deaf people cannot hear , they are well aware when people are whispering in their presence.

How ignorant!

Many people with dementia have certain levels of low self esteem, doubt, fear and often paranoia. This doctor should have know better.

 

[Krug 22]

I do take your point and yes it probably was very wrong of her. But my husband is a very difficult controlling man. If she had asked him if he had problems remembering dates etc, he would have denied it. She had already given him a memory test and he had to count backwards from a high number. He had said that the GP had not heard him properly and he HAD got it right. He is very stubborn, so yes, in a way, I can understand the GP asking me but I agree that the whispering was not the way forward. I did write to her asking her to send him for a urine sample if she needed information from me in the future as it did put me in a very difficult situation. The brain scan in April 5 years ago showed considerable atrophy, even given his age and his (then) heavy drinking so hand on heart, I do feel that there is a high probability of some kind of dementia but getting him to seek help or admit it is just not going to happen on a voluntary basis. I would imagine his notes reflect this as he was in denial re his alcohol abuse even though at his worst, he was having a litre of vodka a day. (the brain scan was due to a fall he had)

 

[Slugsta]

Hi Krug, what a horrible situation for you

I was not registered at the same practice as my PWD (my late mother) but she had indicated that she was happy for the GP to speak to me and this worked quite well.

The difference is that Mum was happy for me to be involved. In your situation, where your husband is resisting any share of information, even a GP in the same surgery would be unable to tell you anything.

However, there is no reason why your OH's GP should not accept information from you. You can always write a letter explaining what you have told us - and make it clear that it is NOT to be shared with your husband.

On a different issue - please do everything you can to ensure your own safety. It is not uncommon for PWDs to become aggressive and, all too often, we have to advise the carer to make sure they have a safe room they can go to (preferably that can be locked from the inside), carry a charged mobile phone with them at all times etc. This might not be needed now (or ever), but if you start taking steps now they will be in place if you ever do need them.

 

[Krug 22]

Thanks Slugsta. I do agree with him and do not challenge him. I am registered as his carer and he does let me go to GP and Consultants' appointments with him. However, he did say he only allows this because GP's and Consultants mumble and he is not really deaf! ( he has a hearing aid but would not use it). I am apparently only telling people he is deaf to humiliate him! So I am up against denial big time which makes it hard to get help for him. Also, at the appointment for very bad tummy pain, his GP was getting very frustrated with regard to him not taking the lactulose - given the amount of painkillers he is on, this was causing mega digestive problems meaning that the emergency GP had to come out one weekend. So whilst I think she could have handled it better, I can understand why she wanted feedback from me. I quite like her and feels she does her best. It is a difficult situation to try and look after him. I do need to stay on top of things as I order his medication and organise all of his appointments with medica. He does get very confused and often asks if i have run his bath at 4pm in the afternoon when he has had his bath that morning. I realise if he cannot/won't accept there may be a problem there is very little I can do until a crisis occurs sadly......