For me, one of the hardest things about dealing with Dad's dying of this disease is that it makes me question life. Is there a God? If there is how could he/she be so cruel? Do things happen in life for a reason? If they do, then I don't like the way life plays, there can't be a good enough reason for this tragedy to be allowed to happen. Do good and bad people eventually get what they deserve...if thats so why is this happening to Dad, or me...I don't think either of us were bad enough to deserve this? But the problem with the obvious answer to all these questions (the obvious answer when you consider how horrible this situation is), that there isn't a God, that there isn't rhyme or reason to life, that it doesn't matter how 'good' you are, life can still suck....is that they leave one who already feels depressed and hopeless feeling even worse. If you can believe in something, have faith in something, life is far far easier, it makes it easier to take one more step, to push through the pain, keep moving. So what I have done in the last few years is basically squashed any serious contemplation of these questions in my head as much as possible...because I fear that if I do, I may not be able to carry on. Instead I pretend that I think God is looking after me and Dad, I pretend that things happen for a reason and one day I'll be glad (??!!??) of all this, and I pretend that if I keep being good, one day life will be good back to me again....and it works, pretending to have faith, is almost as good as having it. But I'm not hear today to just ramble on and on about the philosophical but to describe something that has happened to me that involves so many coincidences it makes me wonder if i don't have to pretend after all....I thought some of you might like to hear of this too, as it might help you pretend as well... As some of you may know I have been attending University for the past 3 years (I finished December last year). Anyway during Uni Dad went into respite for the first time...and while he was at the respite home, there was another man there who often used to ask me if I knew when his daughter Kerrie might be coming to visit. Eventually one day, I saw this daughter sitting with him and I thought to myself, my goodness her face is familiar, but I couldn't pick where I knew her from. The next time I went to uni though I saw her, she was in my classes. I thought fancy that, 2 females in the same Uni class, both young yet with fathers with dementia...how coincidental. So coincidental I thought, that maybe it was a sign that we were supposed to meet, so I introduced myself. Neither of us being the type who like to sit and chat amongst our peers about how sad situations, we never really got talking in depth, and remained just acquaintances that would nod across the room at each other. But after this first meeting I would bump into Kerry at the shops (never used to see anyone else I knew) often, and then at the beginning of this year, just before I started my new job in the company of Kerry's best friend, I ran into her at the doctor's office at the same time as running into my cousin one of the few relatives that visits my dad. We chatted quickly about how weird it was that we kept running into each other..but still we couldn't see what we could do about it, except be bemused by it. Over this year though I have since discovered that Kerry is about to get married (I got married in December) she will inherit a step-daughter who is 11, mine is 12, and her husband owns an indoor sport centre, mine owns a gym..and both work 14hrs a day!! Makes you wonder if there is some meaning to life, that fate might have some involvement. Anyway...Kerry and I have been madly exchanging emails this week, comparing notes on how both of us cope with our father's condition and being step mothers of somewhat wild children. Funny how life works, eh?