Do you beleive in miracles - and do i look stupid?


Registered User
Jun 20, 2007
Altrincham, cheshire
Readers to my threads will have seen the rolloer coaster that is my Dad's dementia, health and care (sometimes lack of it) from the local hospital.

Two weeks ago my mum and I were told tnat Dad was terminal - expect the worst.
We visited, and saw him sleeping, peaceful and sometimes fitful. The nursing staff consoled us, and the Macmillan Nurse was suportive.
Last week he came off the drip and was quiet in his bed, sleeping, waking, non-communicating - we sat at the side of his bed. All this broke my heart.

Each visit was the same until yesterday - he was sat up in bed! - Bright as a button, chatting away.....rubbish, but chatting. I went to see if the staff could update me, but no, they were all busy, heads down (ocassional "hello") we stayed for 20 minutes because i had to go back to work, I vowed to phone the medics today to find out more, we were confused more than anything - were we being too optomistic, or was he being just kept comfy. On Friday Mum was worried that his "borrowed" wheelchair would be lost in the ward, so i asked if the hospital could send it back - the staff nurse said it "may be a bit premature" andthen said it was always her (her what?) - we didn't understand that comment, just maybe thought that it may be a little insensitive to send it back whilst he was still alive.

Today,Pre empting my call, the social worker called me at home and boldy stated that he was arranging for dad to go into the NH...(readers previously would note we had a devils job to find a place, then his pneumona etc.). I couldn't beleive my ears, and told him he'd got it all wrong, Dad was on a care pathway and the macmillan nurse was loking after him! No, he said, he was in a meeting last WEDNESDAY (today is Tuesday, six days after), and the consultant was amazed at his progress.

The staff hadn't the gumption to tell us the good news as we visited - lets face it we've been coming to visit for the last 5 months, we're practically on the staff party list! They even omitted to say he was better than before..although when he's sleeping we can imagine allsorts.:mad:

Of course i'm relieved, so is Mum - my gripe is that I've been stressed to the hilt over Dad's illness, saddened to have to pass the news to my children and family and friends, missed out on my main hobby because I've been fretting for my Mum as well, had colleagues at work can all imagine - I Feel totally stupid, and fraudulent! (we were told to expect that he would die in the hospital soon)

I telephoned the complaints people at the hospital and told 'em straight, their communication is rubbish - similar incident on a previously rubbish SW and now I've torn the ears off the new one.

I have to admit I feel frazzled over this - emotionally drained - toll taken on work, and reduced power in my batteries. What do i do now?

We're off to visit tomorrow, lets pray that nothing happens overnight...



Registered User
Aug 29, 2006
SW Scotland
their communication is rubbish
Hi Steve, I'm not surprised you're feeling frazzled. It's very poor that the hospital know your dad was improving a week ago, and no-one bothered to tell your mum and you. It's completely inhuman to leave you believing your dad was terminal.

I don't know what you do now, apart from write letters to everyone you can think of. Don't telephone, they can ignore calls, whereas letter have to be acknowledged.

Apart from that, it's really good news that your dad is getting better. I'm sure no-one thinks you're stupid, or a fraud, no-one would invent a situation like that.

I hope your dad's improvement continues.


Registered User
Aug 9, 2007
Hi Steve

I do hope your father continues to improve. I would most definitely be complaining about the lack of communication.

I have now had 4 times when I have had to rush to Mum for fear that she would not make it and on each occasion we have had good communication with the "Come now", "It would be ok for you to go home for a while", "be here tomorrow at the latest" "We are cautiously optimistic" etc.

It is a rollercoaster though and I can well appreciate how tired you were. My lasst "get here now" call was just over a fortnight ago and it is still taking me time to get over it.

Unfortunately fortunately if you know what I mean my Mother seems to have the cats' number of lives. I don't think anyone thinks you are a fraud. Times like this wreak havoc with your emotions.




Registered User
Feb 17, 2006
Please to read your good news .

Yes I believe in miracles and No you do not sound or would of look stupid .

emotionally drained yes

It happen to a friend of mine her dad was on death door , then next Min we see him sitting in his garden , this went on for 3 years he had dementia he was cared for at the family home until he got cancer he died this year .


Registered User
Apr 15, 2007
Dear Steve, I can understand you been upset with the communication breakdown it seems to be the norm these days with authorities. Glad that you have voiced your disapproval.

I know how upsetting it is when told the end is near and no you don't look stupid at all. I have been told this so many times about my dad and yes have done exactly what you have done and lets face it who wouldn't.

Steve, don't feel stupid or fraudulent, it just wasn't your dad's time. I hope that you and your family can soon recover from this ordeal. Caring Thoughts Taffy.


Registered User
Apr 29, 2007
Ups & Downs

Morning Steve

I really feel for you - the "ups & downs" of this awful illness seem to be so extreme and like you I feel emotionally drained by it all.

It was good to hear a positive report & I do hope your Dad continues on the "up"

Thinking of you all - take care

Gill x


Registered User
Jun 20, 2007
Altrincham, cheshire
Had a productive meeting with managment staff yesterday.
It seems that certain staff pre empt and fly off, some wait and see, some have so much on their plate they can't see the wood for the trees!

the upshot is that we got an apology for the lack of communication, but there is a caveat that still, Dad needs a full appraisal of his needs, a consultants report, and the Home needs to come out to see if they would accept him. We went over yesterday. He slept all through the two bour visit, but Mum had time with him. I spent an hour with the ward manager and senior staff, and we both felt some relief and comfort after the visit.


Registered User
Apr 15, 2007
Hi Steve, pleased that things are looking better. Best Wishes Taffy.

Grannie G

Volunteer Moderator
Apr 3, 2006
SteveS said:
we both felt some relief and comfort after the visit.
That`s good Steve. You have been struggling and I hope things ease a bit for you and your mother.

Love xx