Do the little things count?

[Scout]

Mum never wanted to go into a nursing home. But, with advanced dementia, and after spending six weeks in the McMillan unit of a local hospital, we decided to place her in a nursing home after talking things over with a host of professionals.

We had until this point, looked after Mum in our home for 2 1/2 years. It was far from easy but we managed. Now she is in a home, we are finding it difficult to accept some of the things that happen due to living alongside 16 other elderly people all with dementia that manifests itself differently in each one.

So she's been dressed in someone else's clothes, left with food on her after meals, lost jewellery, missed baths because carers didn't have time.

The management team don't seem to understand how distressing this can be for relatives who have been very close. While overall Mum's needs are catered for and physically she has improved, the way the home operates seems to overlook the fact she would NEVER have accepted these things prior to this dreadful illness taking hold. And, I hasten to add, this is not a bad home.

Is it just us? Do we expect too much?

 

[Butter]

I am so sorry. I don't think you expect too much - somehow we all expect something that is not possible. But that does not stop us hoping.

As I began to spend more time in the lounge in my mother's home I began to see how impossible the whole situation is. You may think I began to despair - but I would say I began to adjust.

There were about 6 residents who were well enough to use the lounge; there were three who were always wandering (moving things from room to room, falling asleep in other people's rooms ... clinging to the staff as they tried to work ); there were 9 who were not able to leave their rooms.

Among the 6 was one who required one-to-one care, one who sat for two mintes, went to her room and returned all the time - and each time she seemed to soil herself

The level of care demanded - obviously - was staggering. There were 4 staff to the 18. They hardly ever sat down. Yet when my mother's top needed changing - she needed three of the staff.

So I would say the visiting is the key to the situation. Your visiting will help your mother, help the staff and help the other residents. And you can maintain a sense of 'the little things' which are not really 'little things'.

But how we care for people at the highest level is an open question we have to keep asking -

 

[RebeccaM]

Hello,

Sorry to hear what you are going through. In my experience i think its a good idea to sew labels into clothes or write they're names on the label. Also in my experience i know how little time Carers really do get to do all the things they have to do in an average day, have you tried speaking to the manager?. I have seen people do this about showering and after they have been nagged a few times it seems to pick up. You need to remind them that by not washing food off her after her meals is breaching her dignity.

Hope this helps you.

Rebecca

 

[Fed Up]

My mum is able to still wash herself and is aware of her surroundings and is in a very good care home. But its hard for the staff who are all so compassionate and caring; they are remarkable in their interactions with the residents.
I don't know if it helps but if she has improved perhaps they concentrate of the things which are important and ignore the minor things, a bit of food on her front is not going to kill her its just like a child if they were changed each time they got a bit grubby there would be no end to the washing. I think their is an acceptable level of things that irritate but we must ignore, if it does'nt bother the patient should it bother us?

Please understand I'm not condoning violating human rights or disregarding neglect just saying some things are not worth worrying about.

 

[jaymor]

My husband has 1:1 care for 12 hours of the day. It finishes at 8pm so he then is not watched and can wonder around. On Wednesday evening whilst wandering he was hit by another resident. His top lip is cut either side but it is superficial.

There are 8 staff and a senior carer on his floor of 9 men. because 1:1 care is not needed at night the staff level goes down. There was one lovely chappie on the floor whose death was imminent and the nurse plus a carer were with him. My husband may not have been hit had those two members of staff been on the floor but I fully accept their need to be with the dying man. Poor J is now dead and my husband has a couple of small marks on his lip and is non the worse for his adventure.

It is difficult and sometimes we have to let some things slip under our radar. Meal times might mean that some residents have to be fed which takes the time of one carer for what could be more than an hour. Have 4 residents needing feeding and that really does deplete the staff.

My husband was very fastidious about his clothes pre dementia and I like to see him dressed correctly which he is. They take care to match shirt to trousers etc which is lovely but then he has a 1:1 carer with him from 8am. He will take his jumper off and put it back on but the wrong way round. So it is up under his chin at the front and a nice deep V down his back. Can I persuade him to take it off? NO so it stays that way. He no longer has any concept of how anything should be so he has no problem with a back to front jumper. I think sometimes it is us who have the problem because we feel people will criticise our standards for accepting something less than perfect.

Never an easy life is it when dealing with dementia?

Jay

 

[grobertson62]

Hi my dad was in a great NH again under immense pressure. We spent a lot of time there at all diff times of the day.
We quickly realised that it was more distressing for dad to be changed when he spilt food
He then had a bib and didn't seem to mind wearing it. It helped protect his clothes
Having a conversation with staff, we decided not to worry about the food but if he was wet they should change him.
Sometimes unfortunately its compromises and making the best of it