Couldn't agree more with Truth. And as you are both, Marmalade and Marionq, just either getting used to this new stage or staring it in the face in the near future, I would encourage you to have a read through both Truth's thread "Fred" and my "Forward Ho!" - I know they are both long and ongoing, so obviously not read them all in one sitting!
But with the input of others, they do give a sort of picture of the good, the bad, the ugly and the good again of the situation. It
is a whole new phase of life both for our husbands and for us. And people respond to it in different ways. My husband was a chronic hoarder and I chose to have a clear out and redecorate - and make our house more
my home, partly as a way of coming to terms with the fact that my husband was not going to be coming home again this time, and partly because I felt that for me, it would be easier to do this now, while he is still alive, and I could go and see him. Not like as final a thing as it would be after his death. But everyone is different.
But one thing is sure, and I know I've said it before to others, but it bears repeating. Our husbands reached a stage when giving them the best care - the care they surely needed and deserved, and the care we wanted to give them - meant stepping back ourselves and letting others do the constant, 24 hour, day to day care. They reached a stage when, with the best will in the world, we simply could not, on our own, give them the level of care they needed, the level of care that a fully equipped, fully staffed nursing home can give.
It took time, but my husband loves his "home" - there is always someone around, something to watch, something going on. There are always several staff on hand to help him. He is not frightened and insecure anymore (and therefore inclined to aggression) because he knows there are enough people to help him - it's not just me. Before he lost his ability to walk around unaided, he didn't get lost and frightened at night because he couldn't find his way back to bed - there was always several staff members up and about to help him. At home, I didn't always hear him getting up, and then would find him a couple of hours later, in tears in the living room, because he couldn't find me! When I see him now, so relaxed and content when I visit!
Of course life isn't the same. But in a way, no matter what our circumstances, every day we wake up, life is not the same as it was. Some things have changed. It's a new phase of your lives, and it needs time and some effort to adapt to it, and learn to live this new phase, just as you needed time (and probably a bit of effort!) to adapt to being part of a married couple. xx