Do i take my husband to a friends funeral?

[Ma May]

one of our best friends sadly passed away recently and the funeral is coming up. Should I take my husband? I think he would find it overwhelming as there will be so many people there he will no longer recognise and a lot of them have not seen him since his diagnosis. He’s mid stage. He was very upset when he first found out our friend had passed away but has now moved on and no longer talks about him. Is it fair to reopen this? Any thoughts would be gratefully received.

 

[nae sporran]

Condolences on the death of your friend, Ma May. I can't really advise with any great confidence, but OH's friend died late last year and she was sad to hear the news, but we never got the details of the funeral. His son was supposed to phone, but we must have missed the call. She never mentioned it again, and I let it go to stop her from grieving a second time. She has forgotten him altogether now, which is sad.
Sorry, rambled a bit.

 

[karaokePete]

My view is that if you feel he would be overwhelmed by the funeral and has moved on from the news of the death I wouldn’t take him.

Near the end of the AS Factsheet that can be located with the following link there are some tips about this situation that may help if the death is mentioned again. Click the second line to read or print the document

https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/get-support/help-dementia-care/grief-loss-and-bereavement
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/media/1026

 

[jaymor]

If you think it would be overwhelming for your husband then I think you are wise to just let it go. To keep upsetting him would be pointless. We took my husband to his sisters funeral, he had no idea whose funeral it was, he commented on seeing his brother-in-law and chatting to him and then said he was sorry he did not get chance to speak to his sister.

From then on when he mentioned her and the fact he had not seen her we always gave him a reason for his not seeing her, she was on holiday, was working away or we would go at the weekend to see her. He was happy with the explanation given until, of course, the next time he mentioned not seeing her.

He was upset the first time we told him of her death which had I been able to avoid it I would have. His niece telephoned to tell me and as he was in the same room as me he heard me talking to her so knew. The less upset the better it is for the Carer and the cared for.

My condolences on your sad loss.

 

[love.dad.but..]

No I wouldn't especially if he doesn't mention it...sad though it is for us that the pwd soon forgets it is kinder in my view to leave him at home and you make an excuse as to where you are going. Condolences on the loss of your friend.

 

[marionq]

I will never take my husband to another funeral. What is the point when he won’t remember who had died or why he’s there. The kind of formalities of the past mean nothing once someone has dementia which has passed the earlier stages.