I am so confused about what is the right thing to do for mum. She has had dementia for about 10 years and it is now fairly advanced, in that she has to be helped with toileting, is incontinent of urine, struggles with words and often gets confused about what things are, even her own fingers sometimes. A lot of the time she doesn't know who I am, although I'm with her six days a week, and she thinks I'm a care worker. However, I also see flashes of the mum I know. She can be funny and she's very observant. A year and a half ago, she was living in her own home but moved to an independent living scheme for people with dementia. She was however very ambivalent about this and, as it turned out, the place didn't live up to its promises. I won't go into details about the various things that have happened but now mum has to move out because her dementia is too advanced. At first the social worker insisted she had to go into a care home but this would mean two weeks of isolation. Mum currently has an apartment and when she had to isolate for two weeks there, she nearly went out of her mind. She is very mobile, likes to potter about and needs company. She simply can't entertain herself. She doesn't like watching tv much or even listening to music, which she loves, if she's by herself, and, like many with Alzheimers, she is very anxious and hates to be alone. I fought for a best interests meeting and asked about taking her back to her home, which is still there. But I really don't know if that is the best option, nor if I'll be able to cope with mum 24/7 by myself. I have little support, only my brother, who can't deal with much of mum's needs and who only spends a couple of hours a week with her. Her friends, I'm sorry to say, have mostly abandoned her, apart from one but she is dealing with her own daughter's cancer diagnoses. As well, mum's house is in quite an under-resourced area with not the best transport links and few amenities. And I don't drive. I'm also not at all sure she will even recognise the place. I am absolutely riddled with guilt about all of this and don't know if I am just being selfish even to consider a care home. On the one had mum likes me to be there, even when she doesn't know it's me. She thinks I'm a very kind care worker. She will stay in her apartment with me, albeit i have to try to distract/entertain her constantly. She will let me help her with toileting, including cleaning her up after using the loo, and I can get her settled in bed. On the other hand, mum seems quite attached to the care workers who come in to do her medication. She likes to see people coming in and out of the apartment and she especially likes to sit with the other tenants in the common area where they sometimes congregate. She loves company and is always asking 'what are we doing now?', as in what's the next activity going to be. I have already had to give up work and move to support mum and I feel a bit like I'm losing my identity. But, what I've seen of the care system makes me very reluctant to have her go into a care home. It could be that my fears are unfounded and we'll be fine if I move mum back home. Things always seem worse in our imaginations, right? If covid wasn't a factor, I could go and look at homes and mum wouldn't be subjected to two weeks of isolation (despite having both vaccines and having recovered from a very mild case of the virus and having a negative test). I also don't want to keep moving her. Any move will be very hard on her. So, if I take her home and it doesn't work out, she'll have to move again and vice versa. Sorry for such a long post. I am new to the site and I can see from previous posts that this guilt and confusion is par for the course when trying to support someone with dementia. I guess, at the heels of it, I'm asking will I be able to cope with mum by myself or, are care homes ever really ok?