Do I need this?

[bemused1]

Agency problems again!Having got rid of one of the pair who were driving me mad, I find I'm getting saddled with the other too often and we always clash- personality conflict. This morning I asked her to stick to the way of turning I had recently instigated which is easier for husband. Didn't like that. Then I asked her not to hover over him while he's cleaning his teeth.
So I got both barrels- I am critical of everything, nothing is ever good enough, she don't coming again , she'll do things the way she wants ans so on.
Ever since she has been coming she has expected me to just step back and say nothing. But the fact remains I do the vast bulk of my husband's care myself and things change on a day to day basis so I am in a far better position to adjust daily.
Things are stressful here atm, husband is not well but apparently I should not get stressed, should always think carers know best and never upset them. Knuckles wrapped.
Anyway I have rung agency, told them to just give me one carer for the foreseeable future and not this woman. I just don't have the strength at this precise moment to go looking for another agency.
Enough,enough,enough! If I was still a drinker I would be backing back the vodka now! I'll just go and kick the dog now instead!!!

 

[turbo]

Hello bemused1, the carers are there to help and support you, not contradict what you say and do.
I hope the next carer you are sent will be more helpful.
I know you won't be kicking Jess.

 

[Izzy]

I'm so sorry you've had such a bad time with the carer/s. As you say the stress of caring for someone is enough without this on top of it. I hope things work out better for you with one carer coming.

 

[Sue J]

No you don't need it Bemused.

Carer's are guests in you and your husband's home and should respect your requests. If said carer really thinks you are not doing things correctly (I am sure you are) she should gently suggest alternative ways or just do as you request.

Hope the agency have received you loud and clear.

I've had some upset recently with agency and told them their ways didn't help me, and they have now sent me a lovely carer. hope you get a similar outcome.

 

[bemused1]

Thank you and I didn' t kick Jess!!
Calmed down now and feel I','ve done the best thing for the moment. The problem is this agency is desperately short of staff, not in itself a good thing, so they are having problems.

But the fact remains that until I hand his care over to someone else, I make the decisions and this was clearly stated when I employed them, that they were there to help me because given a choice, husband wouldn't' t have them.
Good point about not doing things the best way sue. If there are changes I do actively ask opinions because you can be too close.

Let the dust settle and then we will find the best way forward. Almost certainly a change of agency but I am not going to be pushed into making a bad choice.

 

[bemused1]

I feel positively sick at the thought of carers this morning. This woman is down on the Rota and if she has the brass neck to turn up, I will probably forcibly eject her.
How I wish I could do without them but I'm fighting the urge to go it alone.

 

[Jessbow]

if she turns up, simply don't answer the door. If the agency have any heart they wont send her.

it sounds as though you have a hard time with them. I have lived both sides of the coin- it IS difficult being a paid agency carer. You are taught one way then a client's carer says do it another..... I am sure there as many people complaining about lack of supervision with such as teeth cleaning as your opposite complaint. And of course, no 2 clients are the same.

getting a good agency carer is hard, no continuity, girls come and go because its so poorly paid, and very difficult to get right for everyone.

have you considered a private carer? I employed a local girl - she was much cheaper and it worked out far better- she now looks after the old boy next door, and they are pleased with her too. I found her by word of mouth.

 

[Chuggalug]

I feel positively sick at the thought of carers this morning. This woman is down on the Rota and if she has the brass neck to turn up, I will probably forcibly eject her.
How I wish I could do without them but I'm fighting the urge to go it alone.

Sue got it right, Bemused. These people are guests in your home. They are being "invited" to come in for however long into a private property.

No one would go for an interview, then tell their boss how they expected to do a job they need to be trained for! You are that boss, in this situation.

You don't have to be rude, love, but stand up for yourself and tell them your requirements.

 

[bemused1]

if she turns up, simply don't answer the door. If the agency have any heart they wont send her.

it sounds as though you have a hard time with them. I have lived both sides of the coin- it IS difficult being a paid agency carer. You are taught one way then a client's carer says do it another..... I am sure there as many people complaining about lack of supervision with such as teeth cleaning as your opposite complaint. And of course, no 2 clients are the same.

getting a good agency carer is hard, no continuity, girls come and go because its so poorly paid, and very difficult to get right for everyone.

have you considered a private carer? I employed a local girl - she was much cheaper and it worked out far better- she now looks after the old boy next door, and they are pleased with her too. I found her by word of mouth.

I have no argument with what you are saying jessbow.the toothbrushes issue was not a problem with the supervision, it was the fact that I had ASKED her on more than one occasion not to hover because my husband hates it.when I first started using the hoist, all the carers were 'trained' but only one had experience and that was years back. So I learned the best way for my husband and then passed it on. As things move on the same happens over and over. I think we can all appreciate that if you have that relationship with your caree it works better than handing it over to someone they don't know every well.o you can see why I always keep an eye on things.
The problem with a private carer is that he does need two and there are times, like arthritis flare ups mean I can't do it myself. Then you need more than one and it gets tricky.
Time to gird my loins and look at other agencies.

By the way chuggs I am rude on occasions, but I did try to avoid this situation by asking for her visits to decrease.

Oh and she didn't come this am.

 

[Lilac Blossom]

Dear Bemused - sorry you are having all this bother when it really should be helping you.

I care for OH (VaD and a number of physical health problems and mobility difficulties) He has had illness for many years but since he was in hospital two years ago we have had a carer in the morning for about half hour. This is meant to be an enormous help to me in coping with "everything" but it is not always that great. Even with the best possible care workers, it is not natural for us to have someone else coming in to do personal care. I have noticed that they don't like suggestions from me - telling them how something is usually done in order to keep the familiar routine which is so important to hubby because of dementia. I understand what you mean about your hubby's tooth care routine - you would think they would want to accept what is best for OH - after all they could write up their notes whilst casually noticing how he was managing.

I hope things begin to work out better for you and your husband.

Lilac xx

PS I know what those arthritis/sciatica flare ups are like - not good. x

 

[bemused1]

Dear Bemused - sorry you are having all this bother when it really should be helping you.

I care for OH (VaD and a number of physical health problems and mobility difficulties) He has had illness for many years but since he was in hospital two years ago we have had a carer in the morning for about half hour. This is meant to be an enormous help to me in coping with "everything" but it is not always that great. Even with the best possible care workers, it is not natural for us to have someone else coming in to do personal care. I have noticed that they don't like suggestions from me - telling them how something is usually done in order to keep the familiar routine which is so important to hubby because of dementia. I understand what you mean about your hubby's tooth care routine - you would think they would want to accept what is best for OH - after all they could write up their notes whilst casually noticing how he was managing.

I hope things begin to work out better for you and your husband.

Lilac xx

PS I know what those arthritis/sciatica flare ups are like - not good. x

This is it to a T lilacblossom. But it seems all the understanding has to come from our side.

 

[bemused1]

I have to share this. Today I have received next weeks rota. A couple of morning calls have been moved from 8.15 to 8.30, not a major problem.

But on Sunday morning I don't have a carer at all! Somebody is really getting their own back. Shame she suddenly stopped putting herself out for my husband isn't it? To the point where they suddenly can't find anyone else when she iwould previously have come'

I do have one small dilemma and that is husband doesn't want the hassle of changing the agency and therefore I have to put up with this at the moment. However I have written to the manager of the agency with my side of the story so he is duty bound to address it.

I wasn't the least bit surprised but I wonder what goes on in people's minds that they think they are above criticism.

 

[turbo]

It seems as if the Care Agency is above criticism even though you are paying for their services. I hope the Care Agency Manager addresses your concerns.

 

[Bill Owen]

Tablets

agency problems again!having got rid of one of the pair who were driving me mad, i find i'm getting saddled with the other too often and we always clash- personality conflict. This morning i asked her to stick to the way of turning i had recently instigated which is easier for husband. Didn't like that. Then i asked her not to hover over him while he's cleaning his teeth.
So i got both barrels- i am critical of everything, nothing is ever good enough, she don't coming again , she'll do things the way she wants ans so on.
Ever since she has been coming she has expected me to just step back and say nothing. But the fact remains i do the vast bulk of my husband's care myself and things change on a day to day basis so i am in a far better position to adjust daily.
Things are stressful here atm, husband is not well but apparently i should not get stressed, should always think carers know best and never upset them. Knuckles wrapped.
Anyway i have rung agency, told them to just give me one carer for the foreseeable future and not this woman. I just don't have the strength at this precise moment to go looking for another agency.
Enough,enough,enough! If i was still a drinker i would be backing back the vodka now! I'll just go and kick the dog now instead!!!

hi i had one carer who put all of my wife tablets in a glass with water to take at the seam time. She was out of the house in 5 minits .

 

[bemused1]

That is far and beyond worse than anything I have experienced, Bill.

 

[bemused1]

I'm just keeping a record of this so I don't forget.
After last weeks bust up I have written to the manager, not had any reply.
Yesterday and today the morning call was changed from 8.15 to 8.30. Both mornings the carer has turned up at 8.15 because nothing else on their rota has changed and they hadn't noticed.
Both mornings they have had to ring the door bell because I wasn't expecting them. None of this is a big problem except for my poor very sick dog. Doorbell means normal dog response but now it means she gets frantic, falling over and working herself to a frenzy.

The dog is not their problem and nobody could have told that it would happen this week, but why oh why change the call for no reason whatsoever?
Sadly the answer is obviously. I am in a cleft stick ATM, this agency needs to go but I really cannot cope with husband and dogs illness and making decisions about a new agency. Arrrrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhhh

 

[tryingmybest]

I am so sorry you are having all this upset. I would suggest employing private carers and not agency carers. Prior to becoming Mums full time carer when she moved in recently with me I worked as a private carer alongside a team of 3 other fantastic girls caring for a tetraplegic lady in her own home who needed 24/7 care for 23 years until her recent death. Agency carers just did not work well with her having tried several different ones over the years and so we were all employed privately and it worked really well. Xx

 

[Tin]

Care agencies are a mine field. I've never actually used one, but did think about it a year ago at the recommendation from a friend and I do have experience of working for one a few years back. Realised that their terms and conditions were just too restricted and having to give notice for any changes made. I only wanted someone to sit with mum for a few hours a week. The flexibility seemed to be one sided.

 

[esmeralda]

I'm about to start the process of looking at Care agencies.
I've been dreading it so have just kept doing everything myself, but really need to get something in place. I was wondering about private carers but not sure how to go about it. If I'm paying by Direct Payments does the carer have to be registered with Adult Services? Presumably they have to have Insurance too. I'd be really grateful for any advice.
Very sorry you are having this hassle on top of everything else bemused. Such a little thing for them to just change your times yet it makes your life so much more difficult. I can imagine how upsetting it is to have poor Jess disturbed.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

 

[bemused1]

I'm thinking of looking at this too Es, I have really had enough of this agency now. This morning I am facing the prospect of getting hubs up on my own, normally two carers and me in background to help occasionally. Not happy.
So I,'ll be interested also to see if anyone has suggestions to offer.
I'm sorry you've reached this point, I hope you do find good carers, it makes all the difference