Do I give up?

[ceroc46]

Morning all,

Since 1st July, we've had a carer come in to put mum's night clothes on, ready for bed. No washing or anything else, just the nightie.

She resisted at first, getting quite agitated, telling them to go, etc, etc. The sw said to give it 6-8 weeks for her to get used to it. She's fine with the morning carer, and seems to go that she will be coming.

The evenings,if anything, are getting worse. When she hears the doorbell she tells me not to let them in,tell them she's out.

She seems to be becoming more resistant ,the noises are blood curdling,shouting, and her physical strength is quite impressive!

The question is, do I cancel them? They are coming, supposedly to ease the stress, but when you have to listen to the carry-on, and most evenings I have to go into the room to try and calm her down, it's even more stressful. It's the same carer most evenings, and she's lovely, but it's probably not fair on her either

 

[Grannie G]

If your mother`s fine with the morning care, there must be something about the evening care which frightens her.

My husband, in his care home, was fine in the morning but objected to being undressed. I wondered if taking his clothes off, rather than putting them on, upset him and confused him.

Does your mother recognise she is in her own home? With my husband, I wondered if, although he is happy in his care home, he suddenly realised he was expected to go to bed there .

 

[rajahh]

Having a carer to relieve the stress but in fact only adding to it does seem counter productive.

Ican well imagine how you sit and anticipate the situation, which only allows the stress to build up.

If you get nothing out of this then yes you may very wellbe better just to cancel the carer

 

[Mamsgirl]

Could sundowning be raising its ugly head?

 

[Jessbow]

What time does she come? My mum has her tea in her nghtie , the carer gets her ready for bed then gives her tea ( they are in the bathroom while the mircrowave does it stuff)

Mum always wants her tea, although used to resist getting undressed ( she'd go to bed in her petticoat, bra & pants/pad) This way round, she has a reason to get a wiggle on and get her nighty on.

Changing the routine might help.

nighty=bed possibly= unhappy/unpleasant...know knows?

 

[ceroc46]

Hello all,

Thanks for your suggestions!

I think sun-downing is part of it. They normally come between 7-8, I think earlier is just too early. I try cajoling; saying I'm making a cuppa while she gets ready,it'll be done in 5 minutes, etc. she agrees with everything I say, and as soon as they try to get her undressed, she's off!

It's not that she doesn't like bed, she'd stay there all day if I'd let her.

Maybe I'll just have to grit my teeth and do it. I should be grateful as she doesn't seem as far advanced as some sufferers I read about. Maybe I'm being selfish, because I don't really want to do any of it.

Hey oh! Off to Mass now to ask for strength and forgiveness and help for the week to come

 

[rickydicky]

is it a different carer to the morning ? if so can't you get a different one.

 

[lilysmybabypup]

Hi, another possible reason for her hostility at night could be mental tiredness at the end of the day. We are all better when we are fresh and that goes triple for someone with dementia. I used to go and shower Dad and get him in his pyjamas in the afternoon, if I left it until this bed time he would have been too tired to cope, which would have made him irritable and uncooperative. I would do the the shower at 4.30, then he would have dinner around 6, and bed at 7.30 or 8. It didn't matter that he was in pyjamas that early.

Perhaps you could have them come earlier when she may be a bit more alert and not so tired.

Hope you find a solution.

Stephanie, xxx

 

[tiggs72]

I'm thinking as mamsgirl - sun downing , I had some great advice on here - dad is definitely worse in the evening than the morning and less tolerant of the carers

Good luck x

 

[ripley]

Our circumstances are different in as much as mum currently does not have a carer, apart from the two of us.
However she definitely gets more agitated the later it gets, I think it is fatigue related.
Best wishes.
Ripley

 

[FifiMo]

My suggestion would be to cancel the carer, let things settle and let your mum do what she wants at bedtime. So, she sleeps in her clothes, that is no big deal really is it? I think a measure of the distress it is causing her is that whilst she forgets other things, she is not forgetting the career in the evening. She is fixating on this event every day and trying ways to avoid it happening. I would get rid of the stress and let her think she has won. I'd then pick my battles for the things that really do matter, eg food and drink and medication.

Fiona