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Do all Social Workers/Health professionals have rocks in their head?

Discussion in 'I care for a person with dementia' started by Linbrusco, Jun 14, 2015.

  1. Linbrusco

    Linbrusco Registered User

    Mar 4, 2013
    Auckland...... New Zealand
    #1 Linbrusco, Jun 14, 2015
    Last edited: Jun 14, 2015
    Mum 73 has moderate Alzheimers, Dad 77 has cognitive impairment... sometimes I wonder if he has frontal/temporal dementia? According to the clinical nurse that saw him this time last year, he does not have dementia. His head CT scan was in worse shape than Mums :eek:
    Mum & Dad live in their own house behind ours.

    Anyway, as you can imagine between Mum & Dad I am led a merry dance.
    Mum has good days and bad days, and has a very short attention span , and forgets from one minute to the next.
    Dad is doing more and more for Mum, but forgets she has Alzheimers and why she does and says things, or why she forgets things... but then he seems to remember if it suits him?!
    Sometimes I wonder if he " conveniently forgets"... or is it the cognitive impairment?
    He lies and covers up things if its to his advantage... he has always been like this though, just worse as he gets older.
    I can have whole conversations with him about Mum, why she comes to me when shes anxious, or confused... and then when a certain situation arises and Mum comes to see me especially about Dad he gets angry with her for being a blabber mouth. I tell him its because of Mums memory and unable to deal with situations like she used to that she comes to me, but he doesn't get it?
    It causes arguments.

    and so we go on and on..... round in circles.....

    So the gist of my post is, I rang the Memory Team as Dad has another yearly reassessment coming up, and the nurse asked me why I thought Dad had declined.
    I said I don't know if he is having memory lapses, conveniently forgetting or its looking after Mum which is having an adverse effect.... you cannot get a straight word out of him.

    Knowing my situation with a small house, no extra rooms, 2 teens and a husband with Neuro deficits from 2 surgeries and treatment for a brain tumour she asks if Mum & Dad are in the best living arrangement and can Mum live with me :eek::eek:

    or with my sister who has a double story house, glass balconies and flights of stairs! :eek::eek:

    Mum is not yet at the stage of qualifying for Residential Care.
    and Dad gets respite from Mum 3x week for 2-3 hrs and once a week for 4hrs.

    So what can you do? Nothing! ... the merry go round continues and the Health Professionals never cease to amaze me.
  2. lizzybean

    lizzybean Registered User

    Feb 3, 2014
    Didn't want to read & run, especially as you are at the other side of the world but have nothing to say except I feel for you.
  3. Linbrusco

    Linbrusco Registered User

    Mar 4, 2013
    Auckland...... New Zealand
    Thats allright Lizzy. When you put it down in black & white it sounds diabolical.:rolleyes::)
    but then the times I post anything on any site its more a case of getting thoughts out, even if replies are few... :)
  4. Gigglemore

    Gigglemore Registered User

    Oct 18, 2013
    British Isles
    Not rocks, that sounds too solid and dependable - I think perhaps cotton wool!

    Might be a vain hope, but hope something worthwhile results from his assessment.

    In the meantime, keep taking deep breaths.
  5. Jessbow

    Jessbow Registered User

    What were you hoping for from The SW?

    Are/were you close to your dad?

    Reading, as a person that knows neither you nor them, it almost reads that if your dad had a formal diagnosis of dementia you'd be able to cope better with his attitude?

    We, as carers get incredibly frustrated, just as I guess your dad does. Most of u don't have a cognitive impairment either.

    Maybe dad does need more pressure taking off him somehow.

    Depends how you handle what dad calls 'blabbering' . maybe some of it is just in Mums imagination/not accurate/not true. If she reports to you when he seemingly gets agitated with her he probably feels he's always on the back foot.

    Very difficult situation
  6. Bod

    Bod Registered User

    Aug 30, 2013
    Have you thought of writing to the memory clinic, along the lines of your first post here?
    Include a few examples of their behaviour.

  7. Linbrusco

    Linbrusco Registered User

    Mar 4, 2013
    Auckland...... New Zealand
    Yes I am the closest to Dad, and know him better than my siblings.
    I have been helping out and bailing out Dad for many years due to gamblng problems, and bad money management.
    A lot of his behaviour is the same, but worse as he gets older and sometimes Yes, i think if he was diagnsoed with dementia ( not that I want him to be) it would explain so much more.
    I have no doubt dealing with Mum is so more frustrating for him given his cognitive impairment so I have arranged as much respite as I can for him.
    An example of Mum blabbing, is asking her to buy him some cigarettes, when his weekly money is all he can really afford. Mum can no more go to the shop on her own to buy them than remember what brand he smokes, so she came to me asking me to take her.
    I gave him the money and told him to go and buy his own :rolleyes: its a 10 mn walk.
  8. Essie

    Essie Registered User

    Feb 11, 2015
    Well it was more of a question/suggestion than anything else, prompted I presume by you saying that as they are now isn't working, and I doubt she would know you're or your sister's living arrangements intimately so it wasn't an unreasonable question IMO. I would see it more as opportunity to 'open negotiations' about onward care arrangements and a better and more comprehensive diagnosis for your Dad. I know you posted back in April that you were worried your Dad would soon have a heart attack or a stroke and it does seem like the current situation is asking too much of him both physically and mentally.

    Obviously there are no simple easy answers to this but it would seem that the current arrangement cannot continue safely (for either Mum or Dad) much longer so a new arrangement will just have to be found, by you and your sister, social services or a combination of you both and better to get to grips with the options now, as few or as many as they may be, rather than when a crisis strikes. Best wishes.

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